I open my eyes barely breathing feeling like
I'm suffocating. I'm not moving . . I
physically can't move. I hear someone cackling
and out of the corner of my eye I see something hunching over the end of my
bed. I struggle to get up until I
somehow kick off my blankets and I can breathe again. I sit on the side of my
bed staring at the edge of my bed. . . There was nothing.
The
next morning I slowly sat up and took a deep breath. I've been having a lot of
sleep paralysis and each episode is getting worse and worse. I haven't had this
happen to me since I was a little kid. I live in a little town and go to a
little high school. I feel absolutely alone with no friends though I did have one once. I brush it off my mind as I
get ready and grab my bag to go. I walk to the bus stop but a couple blocks
down the street I look and see the cemetery.
There is a forest behind the cemetery which always gave me the creeps. I don't
break my intense stare into the woods until the bus arrives.
All
day at school I was thinking about last night and that thing in the corner. Did
I always see the black figure every time I had the episodes or is this the
first time noticing it? Did I actually see something or am I now making it up?
I don't know and I don't want to know but it's been driving me insane. I hear a
jumble of sounds coming from somewhere and I snap back into reality. My
teacher, “Elaine? Ms Elaine? Are you listening? Please pay attention to class
please!” She exclaimed. “I’m sorry Mrs. Gardener.” I said in a monotone voice.
By the end of the school day my brain was fried and I was ready to go home.
The
next day after school I had to walk home because the bus didn't come but the
October weather is nice. I was walking past houses getting closer and closer to
home until it began to get cold and the sky suddenly became dark as gray clouds
had cascaded over the sky. It started to rain so I picked up my pace to get
home quickly without getting wet until I heard thunder and saw lightning flash
near my house. I sprint to my house as fast as I can but abruptly stop in my
tracks to look at the cemetery next to my house and see that the lightning hit
one of the tombstones. I walk through the gate and walk up to the headstone to
see the damage. I slowly put my hand over my mouth as I finish reading the
inscribed words “Luna London October 30th 1988 - October 29th 1999”. My
childhood best friend. She died the day before her 10th birthday of an asthma
attack. I looked at the crack on the headstone and touched it. As I turned
around to leave, my hand lifting off the tombstone without warning the earth
started to shake. I fell down and backed away from the grave as the ground
started to split apart, breaking the stone in half until everything stopped
moving. I slowly got up still keeping my eyes on the grave when a hand pops out
of the ground! I scream a bloodcurdling scream when I see a whole body come
out. I had to get out of this cemetery but I stop in my tracks - “Elaineee.” I
stopped and turned around “Luna?” Luna walked up to me but I backed away. “I
don't have much time. Come with me!” I looked at Luna for a moment. “What? How?
Why? You're alive? You're brain is actually showing, this is too much-” Luna
interrupts “Don’t ask so many questions. We need to go!” I stopped and follow
Luna deep into the forest.
“That thing you saw is real and it's there in your room for a reason.
The black figure is here to kill you!” My eyes widened “And how do you know
this Luna?” Luna looked away from me and closed her eyes “be- because that
thing is how I died.” I put my hands on over my eyes as I sat down. I sobbed
“But I thought you had an asthma atta-” “That's what it convinced everyone to
think even you.” I looked up at Luna with revenge in my eyes, “How are we going
to kill this thing?” “No Elaine that's the wrong question, you should be asking
how am I going to kill you?” “Wait what?” Luna's little remains of flesh on her
small body melted off as well as her bones until there was nothing but a black
figure. I turned ghost white and passed out.
I woke up with the feeling of small pieces of something hitting my face
then I realized it was dirt and I was being buried alive. I screamed and
screamed but nothing came out and I couldn't move at all. All I could hear was
laughing as I slowly lost all oxygen under the heavy dirt . . . .
I
sat up suddenly sobbing uncontrollably looking around my surroundings realizing
i’m in my room. It was all a dream and I'm relieved to know the nightmare is
over.I lay back down in my soft, warm bed and i finally close my eyes knowing
all was well and there was no reason to believe this horrible series of events
had actually occurred when a voice from behind me whispers in my ear “Elaine?”
as it's cackling laugh echoes in my head as all goes black.
Well done, I enjoyed this a lot! I couldn't stop reading this one, and I want to do something similar with mine!
ReplyDelete-Logan
Great piece I loved how the little details made me feel like i was apart of this dark time.
ReplyDeleteI did not expect the plot twist but from this story, I could relate myself to it. I have sleep paralysis also and one day, I was encountered by a black figure hovering over my body where I could not breathe. In which, i liked how you incorporated asthma, relating to the similar effects of sleep paralysis. - Amy Lau
ReplyDeleteThis story was very well written and kept me on the edge of my seat. I liked how you wrote it by creating a sense of suspense in the story and how the character felt like they were not alone.
ReplyDelete- Andrew Rodriguez
This really caught my attention i liked that it kept me wanting more.- Ladaijah
ReplyDeleteThe end got exciting quick and definitely wasn't expecting that.
ReplyDeleteReally nice work ! I enjoyed all the detail and how you really got into the writing .
ReplyDeleteI really loved your work! It was so intense I wanted to keep reading more and more. That plot twist was crazy. You put in a lot of detail and imagery. I enjoyed it :) -Sahara S.
ReplyDeleteI'm not even gonna lie, this story freaked me out. Since I'm sure that was the goal, I'm impressed with how well you succeeded. You put it together really well, the suspense was built perfectly and kept me interested despite how much I wanted to look away and find my dog for protection.
ReplyDeleteI love your writing style and all the little details you added that make the story seem more real!
ReplyDeleteThis really creeped me out. I felt something in my chest while reading this and that does not normally happen. Great job on the structure of the story and great use of words to make this a really dark story.
ReplyDelete-Briana Santana
Great story. I felt invested all throughout and enjoyed the detail. The plot twist was so unexpected!
ReplyDelete-Akunna Chilaka
The detail in the narration really built up the overall mood and atmosphere of this piece as well as a strong sense of realism.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the story and your detailed descriptions painted a realistic image in my head, as if I were watching a movie. I got chills just reading this! I also loved how you ended it on such a cliff hanger
ReplyDeleteThis story really caught my attention and had some suspenseful sections, i also enjoyed the plot twist
ReplyDeletei really enjoyed reading this story the details you added kept me interested and wanting more - lexy m
ReplyDeleteThis story gave me chills. Just when I expected Elaine was safe, you again turned the tables! I enjoyed the unpredictability of this story, as it kept me intrigued and wanting to read more!
ReplyDelete-Lauren Whightsil
Loved that you wrote a scary story for October! This story freaked me out and the plot twist was great
ReplyDelete-Anngelica Yulo
I love the detail and how it makes all of this really dark and creepy!! The structure of this piece is also amazing! -Mercedes Bradford
ReplyDeleteThe horror/mystery theme you implied was really good, the black figure had me hooked and the ending really caught me off guard. -Erick Lucero
ReplyDeleteI love this piece! I was hooked from the beginning and remained captivated. Your extensive use of detail really contributed to the eerie and dark mood. Perfect for the month of Halloween! Great work! - Taren Thomas
ReplyDeleteThe story was beautifully written!!! I had chills the entire way through the story. The way that all the details were explained and connected with each other made the story that much more exciting for me to read. I LOVED it, great job!
ReplyDelete-Oved Renteria
A very spooky story written in a very spooky season. You're writing got me intrigued as to what would happen to Elaine but the twist at the end had me quite shocked. The other twist helped solidify the creepy tone all the more. Nice story!
ReplyDeleteThe overall plot of the story was exhilarating! I was not expecting the double plot twist in the end, but it added extra excitement to the story.
ReplyDelete- Joshua Dalisay
Great use of imagery to convey a sense of panic and fear. It was was very descriptive, enough to give me the chills. I was not expecting the ending, nice plot twist. -Chloe Munar
ReplyDeleteThis story was definitely one that both intrigued and surprised me. I have always been interested in “spooky” stories as you wish to put it, and this definitely was a creepy and dark piece that I enjoyed very much. The sleep paralysis has always interested me although it does creep me out. Well done!!
ReplyDelete-Savannah Diaz
This piece was so great. You had my full attention with every word you wrote. It was creepy and dark, however, I loved that about it. Also, your use of imagery really added to the story's effect. I could picture each event clearly in my head.
ReplyDeleteThe sudden twist at the end of the story where Luna ended up being the black figure caught me off guard. I enjoyed the natural disaster aspect as it added that mysterious and suspenseful tone to it.-Bilal Noori
ReplyDeleteThis was a very great piece. You’re very talented keep up the good work
ReplyDelete