I was walking down the stairs of the loud flowery stage, diploma in hand; today was
meant for celebration and completion of my hard work yet I walk down feeling like I never
actually accomplished anything. I sat back down in my seat, hearing the last couple names being
called. Thankfully I had the energy to be all dressed up in my suit and tie, but my hair wasn’t
even gelled properly. Compared to all of these students here, I didn’t make some charity that
reached a half million dollars, I didn’t get awarded a ten grand scholarship for a school abroad,
nor did I get any special cords. My college applications were never submitted, I just wasn’t ready
yet.
“We did it, huh?” I knew who was talking to me but I didn’t want to talk to anybody right
now. “What college are you going to?”
“I’m taking a gap year.” I answered, I knew it’d take the Pacific ocean for this guy to ever
stop trying to make small talk with anybody. I knew he was also the type of person to act like
nothing even happened in the situation either. I'm over it but I still can’t help but to feel some
kind of resentment towards him.
“Actually, I was thinking about moving to Asia for a bit so I’m taking a gap year too.” I
knew he would lie about this too, this guy next to me is just the same as I am. We’re just two
kids, too scared to become adults so we don’t make any choices or decisions to take our first step
into the world. High school was just a pond, college is a lake, and the outside world is an ocean;
if you didn’t know how to or didn’t have the courage to swim, you would die.
“We both know that you aren’t going anywhere out of this town…”
“I guess you’re right. Are you doing anything after right now?”
“My parents aren’t even here right now, I’m probably just going to walk home and sleep
like everybody else.”
“Then do you want to go somewhere with me for a bit? Just for old time sake I guess.” I
finally turned to him. He looked the same as he did freshman year, nothing much really changed
other than he got taller and he dyed his hair back black. His eyes looked even duller than before
though.
“Fine. But I’m not going to stay for long.” He let out a weak laugh, everytime I used to
say that, I’d always end up going home late.
“Alright, let’s go to my car right now. I’ll stop by at a gas station for snacks really
quickly.”
“I don’t have any money on me though.”
“You could just pay for my drinks when we’re older and meet up by chance.” That was
another lie, today was probably going to be the last time I ever see this guy alive again. After all
that he told me when we were friends, there was no way that he would wait until he was of
drinking age. It’s probably why I’m hanging out with him again, even after what he did with my
girlfriend and friend group.
“I’ll be right back.” He left his cap and gown in the back of the car, he already looks like
an office worker with a suit on. It’s a shame that I don’t think he’ll ever apply to a company, he
seems like the type to be a corporate slave.
I looked out of the window of the car, a tired construction worker got out of his truck and
got a pack of cigarettes to smoke right outside the store while on his phone. A woman in a suit
and nicely put up hair walked out of the store while on a call, she just downed an energy bottle
and slammed the door of her car. Jun opened the car door with cans of soda, which turned out to
be beer.
“How the hell did you get these?”
“I just asked the woman that just walked out to buy me a couple cans because I ‘left my
wallet at the office.’ C’mon let’s go.” What was he thinking getting these…? We just got our
diplomas yet he;s already doing something reckless again.
“Don’t worry, we’ll just go up the hill and try these. No one is going to know as long as
we just don’t tell them.”
We drove for a short amount of time since our school was near the mountains. Jun parked
smoothly and left the van to sit on the ledge of the trunk. I hesitated but ended up going out there
to sit with him. He opened one of the cans and handed it to me then opened his own.
“Cheers.”
“Cheers…” We both took a sip.
I spat it out.
“Adults drink this stuff…? Are we supposed to drink this stuff at company dinners and
pretend we like it?”
“I guess we do, haha. Let’s just dump them. I got cola and a Dr. Pepper in the other bag.”
It went silent. The wind was cold but I finally took off my cap and gown and threw it over the
back seat.
“Arien, look… I’m sorry for everything that happened this year.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I knew she liked you from the beginning but settled with
me, and I was desperate for someone to be beside me. And the guys were your friend before they
were mine as well.”
“I just felt guilty for the rest of the year about it. I’m sorry. You really were my closest
friend and I never got the chance to apologize.”
“It’s fine, I don’t think about it anymore… I’ve been too stressed out with life to be hung
up on some high school drama. Anyways, are you going to live longer like you promised me?”
“I don’t know. It’s like you said before. I’m too anxious to step out of this damned routine
of waking up and going to school and it’s not like I have enough money to move out of my dad’s
house. Staying there for any longer would push me off the cliff.”
“You could always room with your many friends for a bit until you have enough money.
Even if I’m terrified of drowning in society, I’m going to at least try and swim first. If I’m
willing to do it, you should at least try with me… Like how we tried that disgusting drink
together.” He stared off in the distance in peace, I hope I got to him a little. No matter how much
he has wronged me before, I don’t want him to turn to something like this as an escape. “It’s not
always going to be this bad, Jun. It’s better to say that we tried than to not try at all, as cheesy as
that sounds, we just have to try… Then you can die with the satisfaction that you made the effort
to live.”
Our conversation went on until the sun began to rise. Talking with an old friend about
what we plan to do in life gave me hope that I’ll have someone there right beside me who is just
as scared as I am to be an adult. Even if it was small stuff like how we were going to dorm
together and get a fish. I’m glad I was here to prevent him from quitting today, he got to see the
sun rise again. Small stuff like that I’m sure he’s grateful for. But how long will this last? All I
hope for is that we’re going to be okay.
Maybe I did accomplish something.
