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Wednesday, January 31, 2018

That Dream--Rachel


I am 12 years old, on an early Tuesday morning approximately 4:02am. I am finally closing my eyes to go to sleep after religiously watching Grey’s Anatomy . While lying in bed, I look up at the dark open space of nothing as I begin to blink slower, and slower, and slower. I am finally asleep. In a realm of complete calm and serenity, it begins. I wake up to what seems like my reality. I am in my room with the sun beaming through my dark, black curtains. The house feels empty, quiet. From my room, I yell “Is anyone home?” Silence. I figure I will just stay in my room and start binge watching Courage the Cowardly Dog . Episodes pass, I begin to get sleepy again. My blinks become slower and slower, and again, I am asleep. What seems to feel like hours later, I wake up to complete chaos and many screams. I get up from bed in a panic, profusely sweating, and immediately run to my window to see my fate. The neighborhood – MY neighborhood! – is a complete disaster. Street lights have caved down and smashed into fragments of my neighbor’s home, cars are flipped upside down, other houses are completely shattered. However, the only house not destroyed is mine. I begin to question what happened, and why. I sit on my bed, and many thoughts begin to pour into my brain. Is this why my family left me? Am I the chosen one to fight for the world, to restore peace and tranquility? I remove my pajamas, and change into a fresh set of clothes, and put on sturdy boots to cover my cold feet. I have a different state of mind now. I feel like Wonder Woman. I walk downstairs, open the front door, step outside, and face my new reality. I am, again, in complete shock when I look around at my surroundings. I get struck by something electric, which seemed to fall from the sky. I open my eyes and realize I was thrusted to the floor by this “something” which fell from the sky. I then look up, left, right, and up again, and to my astonishment, the sky was really falling. I begin seeing fragments of the sky crack apart and fall to the floor. I run quickly to safety, and as I am running, I turn back again to see my surroundings, and I am once again awe-struck. The fragments of sky have now turned into flying jellyfish, which I vaguely remember from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants . Was this another episode I was being featured in? Was my new reality now on the set of a cartoon show? I look down at my feet and my sturdy boots have been replaced with cheap sandals. My clothes are also different, and I am dressed as an Avatar. This is the moment I realized I was the “chosen one.” I look to my right and see a Nerf gun so I pick it up to try it out. The Nerf gun actually shoots out laser beams, and incinerates everything it touches. I realize that I have a new set of responsibilities in my new reality. With each new outfit, I am given a new role. I begin to shoot the flying jellyfish one by one and they are all incinerated. All of a sudden, it gets dark and it begins to rain. I felt like I was in an action movie, with my laser gun in one hand, a mixture of rain and tears rolling down my face. I am fighting for humanity, and my outfit is cute while doing so. By killing each jellyfish, I feel like I gain more power, strength, and courage. At the end of my journey, I see the Queen Jellyfish, pink with vibrant purple polka dots. I realize this is my final mission, and I must finish it with dignity. I begin to shoot the laser gun as fast as I can, and my hands start to cramp up. I continue to fight through the pain, and finally, the Queen Jellyfish is dead. The rain stopped, and sunshine beamed through the dark clouds. I look up to the sun light, and immediately collapse from exhaustion. I wake up again but this time, I am in my bed. I have woken up from a dream that made me feel like a hero. I gained a sense of relief as if I have just saved mankind. Technically, I did. That dream.

54 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed this piece! At first I was so shocked but as I continue reading it made me more and more excited. You used a lot of imagery and I loved the plot twist. Great work!

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  2. I love the amount of creativity and words that you used to describe this amazing dream you had. That dream is full of surprises and adventures! You saved us all from the jelly fish!

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  3. Your piece was really captivating and it constantly left me wondering what was going to happen next. Your vivid use of imagery made me feel as if I was actually a part of the story and overall, it was a great and very descriptive piece. Good job! -Lexi Gomez, p.4

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  4. This piece is very interesting. The imagery used assists the reader in envisioning themselves as the character in the story. Your piece also acts as a movie in the reader's mind since it is so action packed. - Joshua Dalisay

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  5. I like how you used so much detail to explain what was going on and how you felt throughout your dream. It was very interesting and kept me reading. Good Job! - Tatiana Nunez Per.3

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  6. I really love this dream. It sounds epic yet so terrifying, great use of imagery. Great character the jellyfish, really bought into the story keep on writing.

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  7. Your use of vivid imagery made me feel like I was a part of your dream as well. I really enjoyed reading all of the twists and turns in this dream. -Briana Kiphen

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  8. I found your piece very interesting and captivating. All the different settings mixed together and the imagery that went along with it made it so interesting. I couldn't stop reading! -Hailey Vazquez Pd.2

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  9. This was a really entertaining story with a lot of allusions that I think we can all identify easily. It was funny but also captivating and reminded me a lot of those "YA dystopian 'chosen one'" stories everyone used to read. -Fatima J.

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  10. I really liked the immense amount of detail included in this piece. It is a great story and excels in creating an image in one's head about the dream and intensity of it. Nice work! -Daniel Recinos, Per 4

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  11. I really loved the perspective you wrote from,your own dream that is so cool with the vividness of it and the imagery was spot on , I also liked that your dream became positive towards the end.

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  12. Your piece is very well written. Your use of vivid imagery kept me intrigued throughout the entire story and had me constantly wondering what was going to happen next. Overall, great job! - Taylor Clayton

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  13. I love the amount of detail you used to write about the dream. Plus, in every dream the intensity seemed to ramp up and kept me on the edge and brought me into the writing. -Behrouz Khokhar P.5

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  14. I love the detail and the amount of value you put into the explanation of the dream. I love the diction you used and vivid imagery. Great Job with the plot twist too! -Mercedes Bradford

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  15. I love how your use of imagery and descriptive language creates such a vivid image. This piece really highlights the peculiarity and unpredictability of dreams and sort of reminds me of a modern Alice in Wonderland. -Taren Thomas P.2

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  16. This is a very well written piece. I really enjoyed the use of vivid imagery and diction. I was intrigued throughout the story, constantly wanting to know what was going to happen next.

    Akunna Chilaka

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  17. I was so shocked and concerned at the beginning of this, and as I continued reading I realized the title was a warning. This was really well done and kept me interested the entire time.

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  18. Dreams are crazy things, the way things just keep happening and how you described it was really great. Not to mention, I like how the main protagonist was a giant Queen Jellyfish, nice work! - Jon-Vincent Castro Period 5

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  19. This was a powerful piece and you used tone and imagery very well. It was very captivating and was a great story overall, well done!

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  20. I really enjoyed the detail and creativity that went into this piece! It was very intense and unique and I was fixated on your words the entire time.

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  21. I love the detail that you put into this piece, it was really funny how you made the comparison to Spongebob. I chuckled, this was really funny I want to hear more of your funny heroic dreams.
    -Diana Flores

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  22. I love your references to shows and how they have influenced your piece and clearly, your dreams! This piece was definitely a ride to read as it smoothly transitioned from a "day in the life" to a totally cool fantasy! -Kenneth Chen

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  23. I enjoyed the extensive imagery that you put into this piece and I think the comedic elements you incorporated throughout made it very memorable. Good job! :) -Naomi Friedland

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  24. Wow I love this piece. There was a great use of descriptive imagery and the plot twist was amazing! -Ayo Latinwo

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  25. I loved your vivid detail and as serious as this piece may seem, I found it funny as the plot twist was revealed. Well done! -Jobelle Dauz P.5

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  26. I really enjoyed this piece it was very well written and creative, the amount of imagery you used really made me want to keep reading and see what the outcome of the dream was!! - Lexy M

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  27. I love the imagery and detail that immerses me in the story imagining it happen in my surrounding. It had me hooked, great piece.

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  28. Very interesting piece with the intriguing aspect of th dream with such vivid imagery that is both very imaginative but realistic.
    Sarah Skibby per. 2

    Sarah Skibby
    Per. 2

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  29. The detail and the vivid imagery beautifully told the cluttered interesting story that you decided to tell. What an amazing piece, and keep up the wonderful work.
    -Marycristy Garcia p.2

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  30. I loved the sudden twists and splashes of spontaneous creativity who put into this piece. I especially liked all the references to the tv shows, making it even funnier.

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  31. I love this piece it was very intriguing andI love all the details well done.

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  32. This was an interesting story. I love the great details and the ending was great. God Job!!!-Jesse Jauregui

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  33. I really like this piece is very well written with all the detail.

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  34. The amount of imagery and detail put into this work was absolutely wonderful I was drawn in from the very beginning. The twist was different and used brilliantly great job!!!!

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  35. THis piece was incredibly interesting. I liked how you used all the shows that we all watched as kids. It kind of brought back some good memories. I liked your use of imagery. I also liked how you went from show to show, portraying different episodes.

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  36. The scenery and events of the dream are described in such great detail it really draws you in and makes you feel like you're in the dream yourself. Good job!

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  37. I thought your piece was very intriguing. I enjoyed all of the various allusions you used to make your character relatable. - Brandon Porter

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  38. Rachel, your piece was fantastic! I related to a lot of the elements of dreaming that you described. You painted a clear and invoking picture through your words. Well done!

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  39. Your piece kept me guessing, giving a blur between what's real and untrue with it's realistic language and descriptiveness. I also found humor in most of the references you scattered throughout the work. Good job.-Timothy Miraflores P.2

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  40. I love this piece so much! The imagery you used really brought everything to life, and the intensity made it all the better. What a wild dream though haha!

    -Tyger Ghodossi

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  41. GREAT IMAGERY. I absolutely love it when a piece can really bring me in and yours has certainly done so!

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  42. Really enjoyed reading this. It brought me in with such great characters and story telling:D- Jaden Dawson

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  43. I really enjoyed this piece!! It had me from the start and this includes the title!! It caught my attention towards the beginning and all the way to the end!! Good use of vocabulary to describe the events!! Good job!! (:

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  44. Your piece was great at capturing attention. Good job on the creativity as wel!!!
    -Cameron Milian

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  45. Good job on capturing the readers attention, your creativity throughout the story is wonderful!

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  46. I loved the imagery used in this piece. I liked how your dream became positive, major plot twist.

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  47. The way that you unraveled the events throughout this piece was done so perfectly. The constant use of vivid images really contributed to the overall picture of the story and I loved it!!! I especially love the way that this was explained through the form of a dream, loved the twist!
    -Oved Renteria

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  48. This story creates a bit of a twist. What is expected does not appear in this piece of fiction. Some phrases such as 'fell from the sky' need to be revised so it does not sound repetitive.

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  49. Loved the vivid imagery and the ending was fantastic. Really interesting story that caught my attention
    -Candice Velasco

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  50. Way to be descriptive, and keep my attention. Marvelous work, I can really see a vivid image in my head.

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  51. This was such an interesting piece! Probably the most creative flash fiction I have read this semester. It was very cool how you incorporated different elements from different shows into one story. Overall, a very entertaining story to read.

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  52. I loved the imagery that was used it helped the overall picture. I loved that you used the form of a dream to explain.-Ladaijah

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  53. Based on the title, I thought of a dream that would be really memorable which then you portrayed the exciting and fearless actions you presented. Great Job! - Amy Lau

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  54. That was a very touching story. You are super strong

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