It's All In Your Head--Johnny

There’s this really strange and awkward kid in my 3rd period. Sometimes he laughs and socializes with his friends around him. However, he will also laugh and talk to himself on the days that he isolates himself. Our teacher could be lecturing about something boring and I look over to him and he’s laughing so hard to himself. I’m pretty sure the teacher didn’t say or do anything funny, though… There’s also these times where I’ll look at him and he’s crying while talking to himself but makes no audible words. He only mouths words. “Stop. Stop. Stop.” Is what I think he’s saying. Anyways, like I was saying, there’s this really creepy and weird kid in my 3rd period and I’m pretty sure he belongs in a mental hospital or insane asylum.

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            “Hi, I’m the voice inside your head. The one voice you listen to the most.” said a voice. “Hello, I am also that voice in your head!” said a second voice. “Me too!” said the third. “Hey, Don’t forget about me.” said a forth before a fifth chimes in, “Or Me!” “You guys, shut up…” exclaims the first voice as he continues talking to you. “…These people aren’t used to hearing more than one voice in their head so just let me talk for a minute. I’m sorry we must be confusing you, let me explain what I mean. You see, a normal brain has that one voice in their head that guides their host from right and wrong. Sound familiar? Well, my host is a paranoid schizophrenic so he houses all five of us in his stupid, small brain. I’m pretty sure you know that the voice in your head contradicts itself a lot and goes back and forth endlessly, but, can you imagine how loud it gets in here especially being so crowded in a tight space? Our main goal is just to keep our host safe and make sure he doesn’t do anything to draw attention to us. We all have a great time making jokes and laughing with each other here and there, however, it’s not always that easy. Sadly. Sometimes, we accidentally get too mad at him and we will yell at him but we don’t mean to. It just happens. Anyhow, it’s been a pleasure chatting with you but I better get going before something bad happens.”

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            So you've had a conversation with part of my head now, huh? They never stop talking? Yeah. I’m familiar with that. Hi, my name is Johnny and I’m a paranoid schizophrenic. I’ve either completely lost you or your interest has been peaked, either way, I’ll explain for you what this all means. People have this preconceived notion that schizophrenics all belong in asylums because they’re insane and can’t function on their own. Surprisingly, I think I’ve been doing quite alright and I’m almost 18 years old already. You see, my main problem is my anxiety. I’m a ‘paranoid’ schizophrenic because I’m quite literally paranoid of everything. My fears can range daily from being convinced someone from the government placed surveillance cameras in my room so I have to sleep on the couch to freaking out for an entire day over that one second some random person looked at me.

            Whenever I’m scared someone is after me, I tend to distance myself even from close friends for I gravely fear they have betrayed me and are working with my enemies. It’s in those times where I’m left with just my thoughts and all I can do is listen to the voices in my head. Many times, it can be really entertaining as the voices remind me of hilarious Vines I watched or something funny that someone said ten years ago. Other times, it is the absolute worst thing as every voice in my head begins to wage wars inside my mind. The simplest of daily tasks become impossible to me. If someone looks at me, then the voices start screaming at me saying that person is going to kill me. Sometimes, the voices tell me not to do certain things otherwise something bad will happen like talking to my friends will result in my mom getting in a car accident. A lot of times, they tell me to hurt myself or someone else I love will get hurt. I know I can’t hurt myself so I spend the next week in isolation, anxiety, and deep depression as I hope I haven’t potentially hurt anyone I love. People always tell me “It’s all in your head” but it’s so hard to believe them when all I can hear is evil screaming into my ears. I can’t do anything except stand still in fear and cry to myself.

        I know I’m probably that really weird kid everyone laughs at but I don’t blame them. I am weird. I just want to be happy. I just want them to stop. I want them to stop. Please stop.