More than a cold...--Unity

Ever since I was little I saw my parents as the only couple that would stay together forever even though everyone else’s parents were separated or divorced. I have so many good memories with my family. I never would have guessed that my own father would make a mistake that would have such a tremendous impact on my family, and not necessarily for the better.

When my father’s crimes were brought to the light, I was deeply affected and still am today. My life was quite literally turned upside down. I was so upset I hadn’t even realized how long it had been since I actually cried. I mean maybe I was just oblivious to the signs, but to be told that my parents, the people that made me believe not all love ends in sorrow, were no longer the power couple I thought they were. I was utterly confused about my feelings of the situation. My initial reaction to the situation was to just push the pain deep down and far away where it wouldn't bother me. So, I did exactly that and decided to focus on my studies. It was better to feel nothing than to feel the pain. Maybe subconsciously I just wanted to be strong for my brothers and sister. 

As time would go on, my family would continue to play dollhouse and pretend like things were still normal. Nobody could quite understand why my parents still decided to live together, but I think, like every couple in turmoil, they were "trying to work things out." 

Then flu season came. A time of soiled tissues and cough drops, and everyone gets sick at least once. My brother and I, to our dismay, were no exception. I had just gotten over a severe sore throat and my brother unfortunately got sick again. I, in fear of falling ill for a second time, had warned him not to get me sick because then I would ultimately resent him, but of course the next morning my head and throat were in severe pain. It was the first and only time in my life where I felt so weak and was in extreme pain to the point where I felt like I could literally die. My body shivering, teeth chattering, neck and back dripping with sweat, nose leaking brain goo, and head pounding like my brain wanted to escape my skull. I finally begged my sister to give me medicine, which she did, however, it never took effect. I opted to just sleep through the pain. The last thing I remember before falling asleep on the couch was thinking that this could be the end of the line for me.

A faint image of my mother caressing my head, tears staining her cheeks as they poured down her face. "Stay with me baby... Come on, look at my face... Can you hear me?!" These were the words leaving my mother's lips as she tried to keep my soul from leaving this world. 

Then, a harsh, bright light. The pain of large, foreign hands aggressively rubbing my sternum to get a reaction out of me. A tall figure throwing questions at me with a voice as loud as gun shots. "What's your name?! Did you take any drugs?! How many fingers am I holing up?! Slow your breathing!" These are the questions that he asked, but I couldn't respond no matter how hard I tried. My throat was as dry as the Sahara while my breathing continued at an abnormally rapid pace. A sudden sting of discomfort in the crook of my arm was the last thing I felt before I faded out of consciousness. 

I was in and out of consciousness for the next day. Doctors ran tests on me and then I was transferred to Loma Linda Hospital for more tests and analysis. Apparently, I had a seizure that evening. My family said they thought I was going to die that night because it was a high possibility. I couldn't sit up, let alone stand up due to my lack of strength. When I finally had the strength to talk normally, my mom revealed to me that when asked about my siblings, I couldn't remember who they were. I was surprised to that I could ever forget who my siblings were. The doctors said that after a traumatic experience like mine, it was very much possible for me to develop temporary amnesia.  I spent a week in the Loma Linda Hospital regaining my strength to move while the doctors ran more tests. Turns out, the only thing they could conclude was that I had meningitis. When I returned from the hospital, my entire back still ached and felt significantly sore for an entire week or two. My family, especially my mother and sister, was quite furious that the doctors couldn't find out any additional causes for my sickness.

 Ever since leaving the hospital, my physical, mental, and emotional health and strength has been deeply hindered.  Every time I try to work out, within minutes, my body begins to shake intensely. I have frequent panic attacks, some calmer than others, some worse than others. One theory my family believes was the cause of the incident and my current state was my parents' marriage situation. They think it was too much unexpected weight on my shoulders. And I can't disagree because I felt a new type of depression when my parents' marriage began to fall apart. However, through this psychologically painful experience, I learned to be more open about my feelings and no matter how many more challenges I face, I will always continue to persevere.