“STOP!! Please Amelia STOP!!!! Don’t do anything that you might regret”, yelled the man
out in the distance.
The thing was that I was tired. I was tired of being-, Wait, wait, wait, that’s not how the story goes. You need to hear it from the beginning and that is why I am here. Hi my name is Amelia Johnson and I am going to tell you how my world turned upside down in a week. This all started on January 8, 2013 at 7:30 am. I was just ready to head out to school when I received a phone call from my mother. Ughh, why is she calling me now, she never cared about me, she only cared about herself and the money that I made. You see when I was little, my father left my mother and not because he didn’t love me, but because he just couldn’t tolerate my mother any longer. When that happened, I had to learn to grow up pretty quickly to help my mom with the house and the bills. Anyway I decided not to answer the phone and just go to school. On my way there, I couldn’t help but feel like someone was watching me and following me. I looked behind me and saw a car that was following every turn, at every speed limit and I got really scared. So I started to speed off and thought that I could get away, but I regret for doing that because I just heard cars honking and everything going black. I woke up with the most dreadful headache, and my body hurt so much. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in an unfamiliar room, and I was in a much bigger bed than the one I had in my house. Wait?! I am not in my house, this is not my room.
“Where am I at “? I said out loud.
“You had an accident and I brought you to my house to get you the help you needed since you were hurt pretty badly”, an unfamiliar voice told me.
“Who are you”?, I asked.
“That is not important right now, what you do need to know is that I saved your life by bringing you here and not letting you die after the accident that you caused”.
What a jerk. I just asked him a simple question and he answers me like this. What is his problem.
“Well sorry I didn’t mean to burst your bubble, but I never thought that by asking a simple question I would get a rude answer”.
All he said was, “ Look I didn’t intend to be rude, I just had a lot on my mind when I saw the accident and now I can’t do any of it because I have to protect you”.
What? What did he have to protect me from? I didn’t ask him because I didn’t want him to be rude to me like a couple of minutes ago. So all I said was a simple ok.
The thing was that I was tired. I was tired of being-, Wait, wait, wait, that’s not how the story goes. You need to hear it from the beginning and that is why I am here. Hi my name is Amelia Johnson and I am going to tell you how my world turned upside down in a week. This all started on January 8, 2013 at 7:30 am. I was just ready to head out to school when I received a phone call from my mother. Ughh, why is she calling me now, she never cared about me, she only cared about herself and the money that I made. You see when I was little, my father left my mother and not because he didn’t love me, but because he just couldn’t tolerate my mother any longer. When that happened, I had to learn to grow up pretty quickly to help my mom with the house and the bills. Anyway I decided not to answer the phone and just go to school. On my way there, I couldn’t help but feel like someone was watching me and following me. I looked behind me and saw a car that was following every turn, at every speed limit and I got really scared. So I started to speed off and thought that I could get away, but I regret for doing that because I just heard cars honking and everything going black. I woke up with the most dreadful headache, and my body hurt so much. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in an unfamiliar room, and I was in a much bigger bed than the one I had in my house. Wait?! I am not in my house, this is not my room.
“Where am I at “? I said out loud.
“You had an accident and I brought you to my house to get you the help you needed since you were hurt pretty badly”, an unfamiliar voice told me.
“Who are you”?, I asked.
“That is not important right now, what you do need to know is that I saved your life by bringing you here and not letting you die after the accident that you caused”.
What a jerk. I just asked him a simple question and he answers me like this. What is his problem.
“Well sorry I didn’t mean to burst your bubble, but I never thought that by asking a simple question I would get a rude answer”.
All he said was, “ Look I didn’t intend to be rude, I just had a lot on my mind when I saw the accident and now I can’t do any of it because I have to protect you”.
What? What did he have to protect me from? I didn’t ask him because I didn’t want him to be rude to me like a couple of minutes ago. So all I said was a simple ok.
“You must be hungry. You haven’t woken up in two days. I’ll go down and bring up soup
for you. Don’t go anywhere and stay there.”
Wait WHAT!!!!! TWO DAYS!!! I couldn’t be asleep for two days. Well that explains why I woke up not feeling tired like usually do. I decided to sit up, but the minute I did a roaring pain came to my back and I yelled so loud that I thought the entire town heard me. All of a sudden I heard running steps coming to my door.
“What happened? What’s wrong?! Are you ok?!”
Awww he cares about me, Amelia stop it you barely know him don’t get to attached.
“Yeah I’m ok its just that all of my body hurts and I can’t get up”.
“ Well how could you, you’re really weak so you are going to have to stay in my house for a couple of days until you get your strength back”.
I rolled my eyes and simply answered, “I mean I guess”. So two days have passed and I felt a lot better. I began walking which I thanked god for because I couldn’t stand being in the bed any longer, and I ate a lot to help me with my strength here. I know that I has only been two days but I feel this attraction towards the mystery man, which I still didn’t know the name of. The man was not here at the moment so I decided to take a field trip throughout the house to see if I could figure out who he was. I came upon a door which I believed was his room and I decided to take a peek inside.. I was able to get the door open, I stepped inside and saw something that made me want to go running from the house. I saw a picture of me on his desk, and of what I do everyday.
“What are you doing in here?”
Oh no, I looked back and saw him there and I started to run out the door towards the forest that I didn’t know was here.
“STOP!! Please Amelia STOP!!!”, yelled the man. I kept running but he caught up to me. “Amelia don’t be scared of me, look I love you and I am trying to protect you”. I was shocked, he loved me and was trying to protect me, but from what?
“Look I don’t know what you’re trying to protect me from but, I love-,”
I heard a twig snap and turned my head, but to my surprise we were still alone. I then heard a hoarse voice coming from somewhere.
“Well, Well, Well, look who we have here. You are going to regret everything you did for betraying me. Get them!!”
Wait WHAT!!!!! TWO DAYS!!! I couldn’t be asleep for two days. Well that explains why I woke up not feeling tired like usually do. I decided to sit up, but the minute I did a roaring pain came to my back and I yelled so loud that I thought the entire town heard me. All of a sudden I heard running steps coming to my door.
“What happened? What’s wrong?! Are you ok?!”
Awww he cares about me, Amelia stop it you barely know him don’t get to attached.
“Yeah I’m ok its just that all of my body hurts and I can’t get up”.
“ Well how could you, you’re really weak so you are going to have to stay in my house for a couple of days until you get your strength back”.
I rolled my eyes and simply answered, “I mean I guess”. So two days have passed and I felt a lot better. I began walking which I thanked god for because I couldn’t stand being in the bed any longer, and I ate a lot to help me with my strength here. I know that I has only been two days but I feel this attraction towards the mystery man, which I still didn’t know the name of. The man was not here at the moment so I decided to take a field trip throughout the house to see if I could figure out who he was. I came upon a door which I believed was his room and I decided to take a peek inside.. I was able to get the door open, I stepped inside and saw something that made me want to go running from the house. I saw a picture of me on his desk, and of what I do everyday.
“What are you doing in here?”
Oh no, I looked back and saw him there and I started to run out the door towards the forest that I didn’t know was here.
“STOP!! Please Amelia STOP!!!”, yelled the man. I kept running but he caught up to me. “Amelia don’t be scared of me, look I love you and I am trying to protect you”. I was shocked, he loved me and was trying to protect me, but from what?
“Look I don’t know what you’re trying to protect me from but, I love-,”
I heard a twig snap and turned my head, but to my surprise we were still alone. I then heard a hoarse voice coming from somewhere.
“Well, Well, Well, look who we have here. You are going to regret everything you did for betraying me. Get them!!”
“ No AMELIA” !!!!!!
All I remember was everything turning black, and the distant calling of my name, by the man that I surprisingly love.
All I remember was everything turning black, and the distant calling of my name, by the man that I surprisingly love.
Your story was extremely captivating! I loved your style of writing that depicted exactly how the character was feeling in a raw and relatable way. You really brought Amelia to life and made me want to know where she was going to go from there! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI have so many unanswered questions. Very suspenseful and intriguing. I'd read the part two if there was one.
ReplyDeleteSo like is their going to be a series because that can't be it. This story was so intriguing and so captivating. This piece feels like a part of a whole book. I think were going to need to talk about the rest of this story, because I need the ending please and thank you. -Krystal Edwards
ReplyDeleteI may do a sequence I'm still not sure. I'll think about it.
DeleteThis story was really captivating and suspenseful, and the cliffhanger almost killed me!! It was really original, exciting, and interesting, and I need a sequel now! -Fatima J.
ReplyDeleteI love all the suspense and the unanswered questions. If you continue this and made it longer I would definitely read it. You writing style really brought the story to life. Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteI love this story. I really want to know what happens next, I felt like I was watching the movie with all the great imagery and the ending being the "to be continued" for the next episode. This was amazing! Great Job!! Tell me when the sequel comes out!! ;D -Mercedes Bradford
ReplyDeleteI like this story, it was very intriguing and I couldn't stop considering all the possibilities of who this mystery man is and why he would have pictures of her. Consider writing a sequel!
ReplyDeleteAlessandro Seminario p. 5
This story is so suspenseful, and the last paragraph leaves you with unanswered questions. This is a story that needs a continuation. Great job.
ReplyDelete- Kenny Abraham
I need to know what happens next. You can’t just leave us hanging like that. - Jonathan Castillo
ReplyDeletethe cliff hanger ending was great and I really enjoyed your story. Great job
ReplyDeleteI love the plot twists that you incorporated throughout; it was such a short story but was so eventful. I think you did a really good job at capturing the reader's attention and then further locking it in with all the suspense you created. -Naomi Friedland
ReplyDeleteWow I love this work. I was really captivated by how suspenseful this piece is. Great job! -Ayo Latinwo
ReplyDeleteBriana,
ReplyDeleteWHAT HAPPENS NEXT?????? This story was so interesting to read through all of its suspense and action. Great job, I just wish there was more!
-Lynelle Elhajjmoussa
I enjoyed your style of writing, your story was very interesting. I was intrigued to see what would happen next, good job! ((: -Jobelle Dauz P.5
ReplyDeleteYour piece was very unique, I love all the diction throughout the piece!
ReplyDeleteThe ambiguous ending in the fiction piece is what I love the most about fiction pieces. I love asking questions and waiting to see what happens next. Great Job!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe heavy use of dialogue adds a lot of depth to the piece. I also love the suspense you built up as well as the cliffhanger at the end.
ReplyDeleteI was so captivated and interested when reading this story. I liked how you left it open for more pieces to come and it would be great if you did.
ReplyDeleteWow this was really really good. For me, stories have to have good hooks for me to get into it and your piece most definitely had an amazing hook. I was asking questions and making assumptions throughout which made this so much more entertaining to read. Such a great story.
ReplyDeleteThe way that you story unraveled itself so well and so fast had me questioning all the way up to the end. The amount of imagery used in this was amazing and I absolutely loved it. The parts where the main character was questioning herself was something I personally found relatable and thought was very well done. You did an amazing job and I can't wait for part 2!!!
ReplyDelete-Oved Renteria
I loved how you left us with unanswered questions. If you were to write a sequel or something that goes along with this, i would love to read it.
ReplyDeleteThis story was absolutely amazing and filled with so much detail and imagery! You easily grabbed the reader's attention and I encourage you to continue your work!
ReplyDelete