Monday, October 26, 2015
Kayla S.--Man on Fire
He dismally made his way down the street that he had mindlessly walked so many times before, the suitcase containing all he possessed swaying lightly at his left knee. All of those who happened to be outside paused to watch him with their eyes reflecting a blaze of heat and those who were not, peered at him through their windows with envy. As he continued he could feel the warmth through the thin shirt, if that was still what it was to be considered, that barely lined his upper body. That evening the wind blew the coldest it ever had in his small town of Suffocation but he had taken no notice. The townspeople, no matter where they were, couldn’t help but observe the smell of something burning. Children in parks, men at work, women in grocery stores, everyone alike lifted their noses toward the sky in response to the contaminated air. Fueled by ambition his feet needed no instruction and kept him on his journey down the street. His eyes never looked anywhere but straight ahead and his arms never strayed from their established rhythm. He aspired to meet new people, see new places, and struggle with new ideas. In this small, sickening place nothing like this would ever happen but he was determined to accomplish more. In a town where everyone looked and thought the same he was confined to the amount of knowledge resembling the area of a playpen so, with this in mind, each atom of his chemical make-up propelled him forward. He knew that if he remained, his dreams would be nothing but a pacing fancy of the mind and he could take it no more. His passion had set him on fire.
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Loved the way you described his passion in a much more figurative, but physical manner. The story truly creates a more relatable topic that help explains the misunderstanding we all face at one point in our lives. Aside from some confusing portions of punctuation, your piece was cleverly and eloquently written.
ReplyDeleteWow. Really, really loved this piece! It's really relatable, especially his ambition to move forward from the small town that confines him. The descriptive language was fantastic and the imagery really painted the scene out in my mind. Great job, this piece is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteLove the ending! Super relevant to seniors who are heading off to college.
ReplyDeleteLove the ending! Super relevant to seniors who are heading off to college.
ReplyDeleteAwesome use of a metaphor Kayla I think this piece is very AP lit. appropriate such a great use of just a simple city surroundings
ReplyDeleteI really like this piece! By the title, I thought it was literally about a man on fire, so I really liked being surprised by the fact that it is more symbolic. Your imagery did a REALLY good job of connecting these two different takes together and was really well thought out. I think it's a good example of writing that says a lot in a small amount of words.
ReplyDeleteVery Nice Job! :)
Really enjoyed this piece due to the amount of pure sense-provoking imagery! It's like I can actually smell this guy burning with passion. Great piece overall and I hope to see more work from you in the future whether it be mandatory or for fun! Love your writing style! :)
ReplyDeleteI was just reminded of my anime characters when they get so passionate and fire seems to burst from them when you wrote, "His passion had set him on fire." I love it, girl! The imagery and the suspense were my favorites. I asked myself, "What's with the fire?" "Where's it coming from?" "Who died?" "Did he set it?" It really kept me on my toes wondering what's going on, and those are the best stories, the ones that keep the reader guessing and reading, hungering for more. Overall, very beautiful writing from a flawless angel. Nice work Kayla :D
ReplyDeleteI like this ! After reading the title i thought the man was actually going to be on fire at the end, but it was deeper than that lol i like how you used this man's ambition and passion as a type of fire that keeps burning. I liked how you said people could smell the contaminated air, it really emphasized how set he was on leaving that small town. Great Job :)
ReplyDelete-Shaniya Trotter
I love the creative use of imagery and thought provoking details. Imagery is always the way to my heart when it comes to stories. Nice Work!
ReplyDeleteInstantly reminded me of when I read Fahrenheit 451. The idea that his experiences and knowledge are limited easily reflect this. Good Job
ReplyDeleteOOOO this was really nice, I enjoyed the piece a lot. Makes me think of the feelings that would so surround me when I graduate high school.
ReplyDelete-Oyinda Akinnusi
I like how this piece can relate to us heading off to do our own things, if that means going off the college of just moving cities. Good job!
ReplyDelete-Maite Vano
I enjoyed this piece, I like the idea of stepping out of the normal to be more than everyone sees. Sometimes we do feel confined by our circumstances but we don't realize that it's just an imaginary box because that isn't that hard to get past.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this piece. Outstanding title and also relatable. Great Job.
ReplyDelete-Sirikanya Boonyanant
Kayla! What a beautiful piece! I loved the deeper meaning and thought that you put into it. The way you brought it to life with such vivid imagery and descriptions was just on point, I truly connected with the character. Awesome job! - Aileen Munoz
ReplyDeleteI really loved this piece at first I though the story was going a totally different direction but the ending took me with surprise in a good way.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed your eloquent use of figurative language and imagery! I could visually picture what was going on, and it gave your piece a level of suspense that intrigued me and made me want to keep reading. But, not only was it beautifully written, it was also relatable. Although your piece was about this one man, he represents all the people would have this ambition and passion burning inside them. Job well done!
ReplyDelete-Pavia Omolewa
P.4
This is a lovely piece. I love how descriptive you were, too the point I can greatly imagine the scene. This piece is so inspiring to pursue your life goals despite the effects of your surroundings. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how the man's ambition and passion allowed him to step out of social conformity! I also like how the imagery creates a dismal town setting.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece very much, especially since it relates to us seniors heading off to college. I especially liked the ending and the image of his passion setting him on fire. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece. It had great imagery and kept me wandering what was going to happen next. Also, the description of the story was amazing. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Shayne Morgan
Love how you described his passion. Very relatable, no matter where you are your passions can drive you for the greater. -Naeomi Romero
ReplyDeleteReally great story and really relatable to a lot of people going to college or just simply moving on in life. It's that drive, that passion that propel people farther, it's what makes you unstoppable.
ReplyDeleteuse of imagery was great
ReplyDeleteThis was a nice short story. As a person who strongly feels that each individual should strive to become better than what they currently are, I'm deeply glad that there are other people who feel the same way. This should inspire those who have become complacent with themselves to change for the better.
ReplyDelete-Anthony Giliberto Jr.
Love how expressive you are of the inner most feelings of your character through imagery typically seen on the outside, I really enjoyed the way you used the idea of a man on fire to outline your story. Very nice!
ReplyDeleteVivid imagery that made me think the man actually was on fire! Good job showing and explaining how passion was driving your character forward.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the imagery because it allowed me to clearly imagine his surroundings and how this man looks. I thought it was going to be about a man on fire so my mind began to imagine that, but as i continued reading, this man on fire took a shape of a symbol in my head and I love that you were able to create this through your work.
ReplyDelete-Chloe Hopkins
Wow i wish i had this much passion, but this sure did help me learn how to find it
ReplyDeleteLove the ending! and your imagery was really good .
ReplyDeleteAshley Lowman
One of the best written pieces that I've read thus far. I loved the simplicity and the fact that you fit such a relatable and intense idea into such a short piece. This is seriously awesome and I would love to read more!
ReplyDeleteThe use of diction and imagery really helps the reader understand what the man is thinking and going through. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteThe cohesive, mature writing helped beautifully convey the greater message of the piece while additionally providing an entertaining and enjoyable read. Great Job! :)
ReplyDeleteYou're truly a great writer! I adored the use of your imagery and metaphors in this piece. I'm so intimidated by your writing skill. :0 I just loved the flow of your words, great job Kayla.
ReplyDeleteI really loved all the imagery in this piece. I enjoyed the overall meaning and thought it was very relatable. Good job :)
ReplyDelete-Kathlyn Juarez
The story was very complex and simple at the same time, which is something that is difficult to achieve. You create the image of "passion" through the man extremely well, good job.
ReplyDeleteTo me your descriptions were the best ones i have read so far. I enjoyed reading your piece it was a short package that packed a tremendous punch. Well done
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece Kayla, it was fictional but still applicable to real life. You really captured something that probably a lot of people desire, the ablity to fully live our lives, with wild, burning passion.
ReplyDeleteWow! the imagery used, propelled the idea of ambition into another realm. Ambition portrayed as is rare and unique, great piece!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how your piece expressed imagery it really helped me imagine the man walking and all the people who surrounded him. I also really enjoyed how your piece was very short but contained so much detail. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Celeste Martinez
Like the way she explained everthing mostly like the end though
ReplyDeleteDarrell Mcdowell
The story is very simple, but packed with passion and determination. It make me want to keep reading!
ReplyDeleteReally good use of imagery and I love the fact that "His passion set him on fire". Well Done :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely breathtaking use of imagery! From the sights and smells of the town, to the flaming body of the man, I've become enveloped in your magical world where one man defies all norms and sets out to blaze his own trail! Huzzah!
ReplyDelete-Christopher Trevino
I love this because I feel this way about staying in the Inland Empire. There is so much more to see and experience! Great story!
ReplyDeleteI really like this piece, it relates to us so well. The symbolism in this piece was on point. Overall a great short story. Keep up the good work! :>
ReplyDeleteI could imagine the scenery and it was great the way you used imagery throughout the piece, also the fact that you were able to make it short yet so intense was incredible.
ReplyDelete-Meghan Ustrell
Yoooooo, kayla! That was incredible. That last line only had seven short, little words in it, but it packed quite the punch! I love how strong and certain this character is and how he has this willpower to defy all standards set by this town. He can literally be that spark that starts the uncontainable wild fire of change and individuality!
ReplyDelete-Sam Nugroho
Oh my gosh Kayla, great job! Grammar, punctuation, and word usage was on point! Your writing made me excited, and I even felt my heart burst into flames at the mere passion within the piece.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is really simple but extremely beautiful. -Brian Rojas
ReplyDeleteAwesome to see that passion is what drives the character! Superb story.
ReplyDelete~ Gregory Gomez
Great message and loved the imagery! Loved this story.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece because everyone relates to this somehow
ReplyDeleteI really liked how in the ending sentence you said, "His passion set him on fire" and the story is name the man on fire. Also I feel like this story relates to everyone because our passion for things do set us on fire.
ReplyDeleteThe ending of your piece was great, and I really enjoyed the use of imagery.
ReplyDeleteKayla this peice was amazing! Your use of descriptive language and imagery really took it to the next level. I feel like this was a very relatable peice because we all feel misunderstood at one point or another. The man in the story was more confined by the small town he lives in, which for some people is a reality. Great peice! Loved it!
ReplyDeleteThis is a nice story, I really love the ending part.
ReplyDelete-Anita Kong
Loved it! The story filled me with anticipation! Everyone should have passion because that's what fires them up to do better and keep moving forward.
ReplyDeleteReally reminded me of seniors who are leaving for college this year and your imagery made me feel that I myself was the man
ReplyDelete-Bobby
I like the small town setting you created with the imagery and how you really went into detail of the smell and environment
ReplyDelete-Ethan Donnelly
Imagery was very vivid. the piece was very relatable.
ReplyDeleteThis story was amazing! I loved all the imagery you used and the ending was just outstanding.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading, I had a few assumptions but I loved the way you headed to a less direct meaning.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading I had a few assumptions as were it would lead to. Yet, I loved how you used a less direct meaning.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated how your piece maintained a mysterious essence... Throughout the entire story I was trying to figure out who this man was and what his intentions were. The imagery you used allowed me to be creative as a reader.
ReplyDeleteReally inspiring piece! I didn't know how well you can write but this is something else!
ReplyDeleteyour use of imagery was really great. i loved the story.
ReplyDeleteI definitely enjoyed how simple this piece of writing was, but it was still well developed and well presented. Whether intentional or not, you included some irony and a pun to the idea of "the man on fire", and I half expected him to literally be on fire. However, I was interested by your figurative approach. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow!! Your piece is really good. I love your descriptive language of the setting and the character. You really pulled me into the story and the message is amazing. Good job
ReplyDeleteThis was as well a very creative piece it was a good use of imagery to tie in the overal theme of the story great job
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece and I really liked how you described the person as focused determined and is on his own path. It gives a sense of individuality and independence.
ReplyDelete-Sean Monsalve
I very much liked how you described the person and how you gave a sense of individuality and independence without making him radically different.
ReplyDeletei sincerely love this work. I feel like it really depicts the simplicity of today's traditions and how people question such and try to crawl out of it. I would honestly love to hear more from this . Great job!
ReplyDeleteLove the way this story is able to put you inside the character's eyes. The ending was awesome.
ReplyDelete~Ryan Kang
The emotion spoke to me. Very vivid.
ReplyDeleteincredible ending, great job overall!
ReplyDeleteI like how vividly descriptive your work is and how it is nicely presented in a figurative fashion.
ReplyDeleteI loved the imagery in your piece, It made it seem so real and entrancing! Great job on the choice of vocabulary too, overall very well done! :)
ReplyDeleteI love this when I first started reading I actually literally expected Him to be on on fire lol I took the title kind of literal but he's not he on fire with ambition and determination and I love that fact that he doesn't really care about the stares he gets he's focused on his goal I feel a lot of people can relate
ReplyDeletethis is pretty cool this feels like it was in real life so detail.
ReplyDeletethe tile Question me but the story has made my day keep the good work
ReplyDelete