Tides Turning
The morning of the tragedy started off like any other. Becky, the
mother in the family, was in the kitchen cooking some mouthwatering pancakes.
Bill, the father in the family, was reading an article in the paper about
children in third world countries dying from the lack of medical attention.
Brad, the eighteen-year-old only child, was in the shower attempting to remove
the scent from last night's wild party. Finally there is Blitzer, a golden
retriever, who at the time was running around looking for anyone to play with.
The family was having a morning like any other. It was Blitzer’s birthday that
day, he was turning a year old and their plan was to celebrate this gift that
God gave them by having a picnic at the beach. Once they finished eating they
commenced packing everything they would need to have a perfect day. They
arrived at to the beach, sat next to tower 3, and began to set up the EZ-Up and
the barbecue. Time passed, it was 1 O’clock and the food began to sizzle atop
the flames in the grill. The chicken was slowly being roasted to perfection,
the taste of the steak struck everyone just by staring at it, and it was all
finished off by the company of grilled vegetables resembled some from a magazine.
Blitzer walked towards the ocean for a little swim. The clock hit 2 and
as the family finished their five star meal, they noticed that Blitzer had not
came back. To prevent chaos from erupting, Brad stated “Don’t worry I will go
get him real fast!” As Brad walked toward the water, the tension dramatically
decreased with Becky and Bill. The happy wed couple lay side by side and they
began reminiscing on their lives. Before they knew it an hour passed and
neither Blitzer nor Brad came back. As Bill began to panic, Becky said “Don’t
worry honey, Brad probably found him and played with him and they must have
lost time track of time. I will go tell them that they have to get out of the
water now”. Right after she finished her sentence she was off, walking slowly
towards the water. Bill sat alone. He watched the seconds turn into minutes.
The minutes turned to an hour. With his heart filled with fear, he abandoned
everything and ran full speed to the water. By 7 O'clock, the area next to the
tower 3 was alone with the exception of multiple police vehicles and news
reporters. “What should we call this report?” muttered a cameraman. “ I say we
call the story as it is...a Family of 3 drowned”. Just as everyone was leaving
the scene, a shadow emerged from the ocean. It was Blitzer. He eagerly pounced
to where the family had set up, wagging his tail, looking for warm welcome.
Bill, Becky, and Brad were nowhere to be found. He rotated his head right,
taking a glimpse into the endless grains of sand. He turned left catching
images of families huddled up around a circle roasting s'mores. His tail
stopped wagging. Blitzer took off into the dark streets accompanied by only his
shadow, searching for his family, his home, and his world.
Well my happiness went from 100 to 0 real quick. Your use of an innocent, merry tone really set it up for the tragic ending. I think the ending would have had a more emotional reaction without the foreshadowing in the first sentence, but I really liked it! Hope no puppy has to ever go through this.
ReplyDeleteI was hungry (awesome sensory imagery) and then I was crying. The precious angel did nothing wrong he didn't deserve such a tragic ending. Another very dramatic ending, with a cool shift in tone and feeling.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea the title would be so literal to the story, it made me really sad...Poor Blitzer, all alone! The contrast of joyfulness in the beginning versus the mournful ending enhances the two different tones in the story.
ReplyDeleteI did not expect that ending but there is a good use of irony.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece, even if it made me feel melancholy. I loved the way it was written, and your use of imagery was great!
ReplyDeleteWhat a turn of events! I didn't think any of them would survive, much less Blitzer alone. I really enjoyed the imagery and suspense throughout the development of the story. Nice job!. - Aileen Munoz
ReplyDeleteThe shift in tone changes the story drastically. Joyful to melancholy real quick. That's too bad for Blitzer :(
ReplyDelete~Gregory Gomez
I like the intro to the family. I can now say that I'll question my beach trips from now on. The general plot reminded me faintly of Frankenstein when the son goes missing. Pretty good overall.
ReplyDeleteThis was honestly the biggest plot twist of my life. It was definitely an emotional roller coaster towards the end of the piece. Also, great use of imagery!
ReplyDeleteI liked the senses that appealed to the reader, including taste and smell of the food and sight of the family and the beach. I loved the sense of mystery as each of the family members left and did not return. The ending made me so sad because i had no idea what to expect and i loved that in the end we know how the dog is feeling without literally saying it, we knew by his actions and your descriptive words.
ReplyDelete-Chloe Hopkins
I love how the title correlates with the piece so well. This story is so sad and depressing. Where is this beach, because the lifeguards there must be terrible and I don't want to be there. The story was very suspenseful and gloomy. If this was a movie it would be the reverse role of Marley and Me. Overall was a good piece, really attained the reader's emotional attention.
ReplyDeleteThat was so sad, the poor family and the poor dog who is now left all alone. It really brought out some true emotion in me and I almost shed a tear because the ending
ReplyDeletejust happened so quick, just like death can be, quick. The tone was great! :)
-Meghan Ustrell
Very well-written and emotional piece! It was interesting how you tied in multiple feelings and perspectives. Definitely puts into perspective how valuable loved ones are. Good job! (:
ReplyDeleteI was like this is a nice story but then I got all sad at the end, man good job
ReplyDeleteThe story is so sad and depressing but it was good and how the family left and didn't come back how sad good job .
ReplyDeleteAshley L.
You described all of your characters very well and detailed in the beginning and went on to describe your whole piece with a lot of detail so that was really nice, I liked how you completely changed the tone of your piece from beginning to end, and you did a great job emotionally connecting your audience with your piece because I'm sure everyone who reads your piece will just feel so bad for Blitzer in the end. Great job!
ReplyDelete- Celeste Martinez
My heart breaks whenever a dog dies in a story but your twist, letting the dog live, left me speechless. I do not know what to feel. It flowed well, great job!
ReplyDeleteI like how you started with a dark foreshadowing to set the tone of un easiness it kept me wandering on what was really going to happen.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea that the 'happy' starting to this story would end in such a tragic way. I was DEFINETLY not prepared. I did like the dramatic shift you used to contrast to the way the story started. Great story!
ReplyDelete-karyna Gandara
The plot twist was really unexpected. I like how the title is ironic with the piece itself. Also good use of detail!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sucking the happiness out of my life man! This story was so sad but so good at the same time! I had to reread it a couple times just to wrap my head around the tragedy that occurred. Your piece is very well-written and the description of this "average" family was great, it shows that anything can happen to any one no matter who they are. I'm going to go hug my dog now. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI like how your piece was well written with the introduction and how the whole thing was organized. My mood changed from happy (hungry) to feeling bad for the dog aha good job
ReplyDeleteWow. I really liked the use of sensory imagery and tone. The tone got to me; the story started as joyful, then there was the shift in tone, which had my heart race a bit. This is a wonderful read, great job!
ReplyDelete-Jerelle Medina
This one gave me a rollercoaster of emotions and shifting points of hopefulness as it went on. Progression within the story really kicked up towards the end, and it was one that I had hoped would result in a happier ending than written. Great work.
ReplyDeleteEven though this piece was very emotional. I think you connected with the readers on different level. All the scenes were appealing and were breath taking. Amazing work!
ReplyDeleteThe grim tone on the piece was really unique, and the dark twist was unexpected! I can tell you created an in depth backstory for the characters in your mind, which shows in some of the detail! For the future, I would try to focus on using imagery to describe things, rather than simply stating the fact. Ex: "was the mother of the family" can be replaced with motherly adjectives or actions.
ReplyDeleteAs I started reading it I thought "oh just happy ending with a silly dog" but I was wrong. Your writing was well written as it kept me intrigued from beginning till end.
ReplyDelete-Diana Godinez
Aww the poor dog :(
ReplyDeleteThis really made me sad because i thought it was going to be a plot twist or something but still great work:)
Sometimes stories are better when there is no plot twist, its less predictable.
-Shaniya Trotter
Aww the poor dog :(
ReplyDeleteThis really made me sad because i thought it was going to be a plot twist or something but still great work:)
Sometimes stories are better when there is no plot twist, its less predictable.
-Shaniya Trotter
Aw that was so sad :/
ReplyDeleteI really thought there was going t be a plot twist, but great work :)
Sometimes stories are better without plot twists because its less predictable.
-Shaniya Trotter
Quickest turn of events and really good imagery with the barbecue and family detail. haha now I get the title. Good job
ReplyDelete-Ethan Donnelly p.4
i love the way your wording was written, good use of imagery and tone.
ReplyDeleteThis was a bigger plot twist than a M. Night Shyamalan movie. I was so depressed by the end of this story which i figure was the point. Great job
ReplyDelete-Sean Monsalve
The tide really did turn. Once the dog didn't return I knew that nothing good was about to happen but I had no idea that it would end with the whole family dead. Way to keep the reader on their toes, wanting more. -Luke Riddington
ReplyDeleteAw, man. I'm sad now. That last sentence, " accompanied by only his shadow, searching for his family, his home, and his world," threw me in so many loops of emotions. The thought of being left alone is extremely terrifying and I think that you were able to portray that very well through the shift in tone and suspense.
ReplyDelete- Sam Nugroho
Aaron this was so cool! I totally thought that the family all died together with the dog, which was kinda cool because then at least they would all be together. but then!!! Then the dog ends up living and the humans all die because of the dog. That pulled on my heart strings. This piece gave a new meaning to mans best friend and survivors guilt for me.
ReplyDeleteI can't get over the way you described the food, it made my mouth water as I read. Who knew a dog could cause so much chaos, I didn't expect eh dog to be alive. Good job, you totally fooled me with the tragedy at the end.
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting that tragic ending, you did a really good job with tone and imagery.
ReplyDeleteThe title of the story, was perfect! The tragedy was well set, although I felt like it was too fast, and there was not enough details. Other than that, the story was amazing!
ReplyDeleteAw the poor dog was left! This was such a great story with great imagery and kept me wanting more !!
ReplyDeleteI loved the irony of the dog still being alive! i also loved the various mystery elements used through your story it really added to the shock at the end.
ReplyDeleteSuch a sad ending. It's great you know how to evoke emotions from your readers though! It's one of the amazing things about literature!
ReplyDelete-Marissa Putrick
I like how you started with a dark foreshadowing to set the anxious tone. The ending of the story made me teary eyed and sad but the piece was still well written so keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteWow! The sensory you used really captured my attention as I was reading and it totally surprised me when the dog came back and didn't drown! It also kind of leaves you thinking where was the dog and where will he go now???
ReplyDeleteWow Aaron, if I wasn't typing right now I'd be clapping for your excellence. The drastic tone shift and increasing tension all serve to underline the theme that life is fickle and strange, and nothing is in our control. It can spiral out of control at any point. At least Blitzer survived, clearly representing that even through all of life's struggles, there are a lucky few who maintain their humanity.
ReplyDeleteClearly Blitzer was owned by a family of snitches and they got what was coming to them. Snitches get stitches.
GREAT WORK!
-Christopher Trevino
Oh. My. Gosh. How sad.... That was one of the biggest plot twists I've every read great job!
ReplyDeleteReally good twist at the end. I like how you reintroduced the dog and you painted a good, spooky picture. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteThis was extremely descriptive and dynamic. I got a little Bruce Willis from The 6th sense vibe while reading this. Great Job!
ReplyDelete-Brittany Hackney
Putting aside the grammatical and punctuation errors, it was a great ending and I wish I could know more. Work on making it smoother, and making longer sentences by connecting with commas and semicolons to make the writing flow! Overall, nice job.
ReplyDeleteThis definitely took a turn for the unexpected! I absolutely loved how the lighthearted and comical tone, shown by the closeness of the family and simple repetitions of how each member went into the waters starkly contrasted the dark, depressing, solitary tone towards the end. My heart goes out to that poor dog! I wonder what will happen to him? Will he be alone forever or find another family and place to call home? Overall, it was a great read!
ReplyDelete-Pavia Omolewa
This is why you should never celebrate a dog's birthday! Jokes aside, you did a really good job setting up suspense in the story through the use of foreshadowing that kept me on the edge of my seat!
ReplyDeleteWell that was unfortunate. the poor little dog! But that was really great imagery, and I could actually picture the scenes accurately without any confusion as the story was unfolding.
ReplyDeleteThe detail of the food/perfect day instantly arouse into my brain. But kind of really sad:( what happened?!!!
ReplyDeleteMaaaaaaaan playing with my emotions like that. You were successful in that regard so I guess you were successful in that regard :'/
ReplyDelete-Blue Andrade
Great use of imagery. The story seemed very thought out and very entertaining.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of imagery. The story seemed very thought out and very entertaining.
ReplyDeleteThe imagery really stuck out for me in this one, it really helped me see the story. I really loved the constant shifts because it kept me interested and on my tones on what was going to happen. Great Job Aaron!
ReplyDelete-Jeremiah Eugenio
That gave me the chills thinking about where could they have gone. -Blake Knight
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your sensory imagery. You were very vivid and descriptive with your diction. You did a really great job with this especially with the dramatic but subtle plot twist. -kaelin bone
ReplyDeletePoor dog, I really appreciated the escalation from the mundane day to day life of the family to this sad ending
ReplyDelete-kamilah mcmillon
This story was an emotional punch to the stomach. It was very well written, but I would have preferred to have not read this story. It was very sad and tragic, showing that that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
ReplyDelete-Anthony Giliberto Jr.
I loved the imagery of this piece more than anything because it took me into the world of this family and for me personally the imagery made the piece come alive and made it engaging to read all throughout! -Sienna Carbajal
ReplyDeleteOkay so the piece made me really sad I'm like a huge animal lover, in the end it got to me cause you use great detail of how the dog was feeling. Great job the turn of events was unxpected I like to predict what would happen, this tragedy got to me.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure emotional response was one of your intents for this piece, and you certainly got it from me. The ending was quite depressing, especially knowing that the day had begun seemingly perfect and ended in a tragedy. Long live Blitzer.
ReplyDelete