The leaves were rustling more rough than they normally did. It felt like time was ticking way
faster than it usually does. I strolled into the graveyard briskly with my huge bag strapped
hurriedly over my shoulder. Once I finally got to the spot, I just started digging and digging a
hole to find the body. I needed something to prove that Holly was not in the casket but missing.
Sweaty and feeling rushed, I hastily dug in the rainy weather with my shovel. I knew Holly was
missing and that someone purposely framed the death. It just DID NOT make sense! How can
everyone say she’s gone so easily? I was just out camping with her the other day. While my
mind was preoccupied, I had stopped myself from digging any further. It was a matter of time
when lights began flashing around, blinding my eyes as I heard distant siren noises. My mind
started feeling hazy and my ears began to ring as my sense of sound vanished. I started
screaming louder and the ringing in my head started feeling more apparent as the world started
closing down on me. I abruptly wake up in a bland white room to a lady in white shaking me
awake. This nightmare has become a routine lately for the past three months since I’ve been
here. The lady watches me cautiously and whispers, “Hi Honey, do you want to go out into the
hall for some fresh air?” I simply shrug and climb out of the bed anyways. The lady named
Martha, judging by her name tag, smiles and helps me out of bed. I look out the window of the
room and see cars driving by in a distant knowing well enough that I won't be leaving this place
anytime soon. Though one thing I do love about this place is the uniform. I can freely move
around in this white gown. We walk out of my room and I can see from all the darkness
engulfing the halls that everyone is sound asleep. We go through the corridor glancing at all the
rooms we pass by. I mostly hear snores seeping from the rooms but occasionally I would hear a
few faint screams from other patients accompanied by a nurse at this ward. While walking from
the corner of my eyes, I saw a glimmer that caught my eyes. A girl in a red dress.
The same dress the girl wore at my graduation party.
The same girl that I used to have sleepovers with.
Yes and the same girl I went camping with.
Holly.
It was like time froze while my mind became bombarded with memories when I was struck with
reality. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It’s like my entire world just collapsed and it was a matter of
time before I collapse with it. I can’t take it anymore. I have to say it. It’s killing me. Literally. It
seemed like time was ticking painfully slow. I started thrashing in Martha’s grasp and started
shrieking. “I DID IT! YES IT WAS ME! I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND AND FRAMED HER
BOYFRIEND! I couldn't handle how he was tearing her apart. There I said it. Can you finally
leave me alone?!” I just couldn't help it. Killing her in an isolated place such as in a forest was
such a perfect place to not get traced by the people. It felt right at that time. My tears threatened
to spill heavily from my eyes. Eventually, I started to sob, regretting ever taking part in such
mindless action. And just like that Holly disappeared into thin air but throwing a little smirk on
the way. My mind cooled for a quick second with ease when suddenly my mind started blurring
and my body started weakening. I start to hear muttering of a lady yelling “CODE ONE PLEASE
ANY-” I felt my body go numb. It all vanished and I was left alone in a fog daze letting the
quietness roam my ears. I was alone again but it felt odd. I started walking searching for
something. My eyes traveled aimlessly looking for anything. Anything to sooth my
nerve-wracking mind. Eventually I see a delicate figure in a distant and walk towards it
attentively trying to put together who it was. Once I finally figured out whom it was, my body
immediately halted. The figure turns around once hearing the footsteps approaching and starts
to wickedly laugh when she saw me.
“You didn't think I was going to leave without taking you with me right, best friend? After all best
friends that stick together die together”
That ending was not expected at all! The way you described the emotion that the speaker felt was and the imagery that was used after the speaker confessed made it seem all too real and like I was right there watching the story unfold. You did an amazing job Aysha!!
ReplyDeleteWhoa the last sentence gave a huge impact. I was kind of confused as to whether Holly was grateful or vengeful after being murdered. This piece's imagery also enhances the plot & surroundings, making the reader also feel like he/she is in a daze. Great job!
ReplyDeleteOMGGGGGGG AYSHA this is truly fascinating because I feel like this connects to me since we are best friends and I feel like this story really shows the dark sides of our friendship. HAHAHA, but actually you are a really great story teller and I don't say that just because I'm your friend but in reality I really admired your skills of writing this piece. It kind of reminds me of the instances in which I dream and can never wake up from my terrible dream and especially the beginning was very confusing yet when I continued reading I was enthusiastic to know what would happen next. It was as if I was living the moment on spot. Keep up the awesome work and don't frame my death just like you framed Holly's death....LOLOLOLOL. HIGH FIVE BESTIE :)...I LOVE YOU!!!! - Safa
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD SAFA! you are insane! Thanks bestie (:
DeleteP.S: I'll "try" not to frame your death just like holly hahaha
love you<3
The twist at the end of the story was jaw dropping, I wasn't expecting the story to take that turn! I enjoyed reading this peice very much. You describe it all so well as if I could have been a part of this world. You made an wonderful piece that I wouldn't mind reading again and again!
ReplyDeleteI want more. I couldn't stop reading while trying to figure out the mystery on my own after every sentence! The ending was so shocking and proposed a whole new mystery to ponder about, great job!
ReplyDeleteWow, very sudden ending, I did not see that coming! This piece gave me chills, but was very well-written! I could not stop scrolling to read what came next. Great work!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. That last line literally gave me the chills!! I love the imagery and how detail oriented this piece is!! I wish there was more to read about it. It was a really good piece! Fantastic job!!
ReplyDeleteIt's always a nice surprise to see young writers throw their readers for a loop. That's the sign of a talented writer. Great job!
ReplyDeletethank you! You are so sweet Audrey!(: I hope to continue storytelling in the future.
DeleteThe ending was absolutely shocking and unexpected. You really threw me for a loop. I commend you on your used of detail and imagery as it makes your story more believable. Amazing Job Aysha!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing was so vivid I could see it like a movie in my head. And that last line...that was shocking. Gives a whole new meaning to "best friends FOREVER". Great job!!
ReplyDeleteWow, this really kept me on my feet! And it is so well written. I really liked the ending because it was so unexpected. In my head I kept wondering where you're going with this. Your details and diction really makes the reader be afraid yet curious. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI wish this story kept on going, it's really good. I pictured everything so clearly in my mind, you did a really good job giving this story life. This kind of reminded me of that episode in SpongeBob when him and Mr.Krabs are trying to get rid of the health inspector's body but then the story took a different turn. I was anticipating what was going to happen next and truly enjoyed your piece.
ReplyDelete-Ruben Becerra
you are a GENIUS! I do see some comparison between Holly and Spongebob because they both regret killing someone significant. Im glad you enjoyed the piece.
DeleteThis was crazy! I was so taken back when it was the best friend!! Great story, I loved it!
ReplyDelete-Keala Naipo
This was amazing Aysha! i loved reading this story and going through the motions along with the character and reading the mental breakdown she had! When Holly came back at the end was truly #bestiesforlife. Great piece!!!
ReplyDeleteIshrat Khan
The last line of this piece was very powerful. I loved all the different layers that you added to the piece and the story; they made this a very enjoyable read. You're an amazing writer and this story was very thrilling and chilling. Great job!
ReplyDelete