“Shh..” said the voices, “If they hear you, they’ll run and again you’ll find yourself alone
beneath the morning’s sun.” Out of fear, her bleeding heart grew quiet. But, in doing so, the
voices in her head got louder. “Do it! If you don’t, you won’t be cool and again they’ll laugh at the
lonely fool.” Allowing another voice to play on her excruciating guilt. “Why’d you do it? Don’t you
care about those you’ll affect? They’ll find out, and when they do, they won't stick around.”
She’d already silenced her tongue but people kept on asking. So, the voices panicked, “Lie!
they will hate you for the truth. So why even try? When a lie can make your life as sweet as the
fruit.” Overwhelmed by the screeching in her head, she lied. With another voice in the pile, and
another, then another, she was left insane; crazed with all the voices in her brain.
Lost and unaware of what to do next, she looked upon her reflection in the mirror. A
beauty in velvet red stared back at her, contradicting the plain black she wore. The reflection
seemed familiar, but... hopeful? It was her heart.
“ Why do you keep listening to them?” Her reflection asked.
“To who?” She wondered.
“To the voices in your head? They’re so negative!” she sassed. “ Why not quiet the
voices in your head and listen to what your heart once said?” Ironically, she thought long and
hard about what the reflection asked, blanking for an answer. Refusing to let her overthinking
brain get the best of her, she decided to listen to her reflection.
“Go talk to him, what's the worst that can happen?” Then just like that, she talked to him.
And in doing so the person she loved so much said yes. A few you days in, her reflection
continued, “Kiss him show him you love him.” So she did and was finally overjoyed by the
butterflies in her stomach. She couldn’t even imagine being unhappy ever again because now
she had him.
But one day, things got a bit intense. Her reflection remained hopeful and said, “Just
don't think about how he cheated.” So she continued being fake because she didn't want to
flake on a love that she believed was so strong. She stared at her desperate reflection in defeat,
“ Do it! Maybe it'll make him stay and love you more.” Knowing she loved him enough, she did it.
But something her reflection never expected, happened- He left. He took half her heart and
walked away. Now her broken reflection stared back at her, crazed and in a daze as tears
streaked down her face and onto the messy floor.
Confused about the whole situation, she cried in response to her reflection, “Why don't I
listen to my heart? You. Don’t. Follow. Logic!”
Thus, the endless cycle continued as the quiet voices in her head silently awoke and
whispered, “You should have listened to us from the start.”
...
Dude! This is great, I am glad that you decided on the sadder ending because it gives the story a whole different meaning then he happier one would have. Your description of peer pressure and someone choosing to either follow their own beliefs or go along with the crowd is really meaningful. I found it to be relatable in the way that I have the inner fight with myself trying to decide if I should do something that makes me happy or makes others happy. Great job Ish!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you! originally i was going to go with an ending where her overthinking brain and naive heart went back and forth but in the middle of all that chaos she'd find peace but i realized that doesn't always happen and its usually an endless cycle back and forth so i decided to go with this ending. I also get how hard it is to be selfish or selfless.
DeleteIts quite amazing how relevant this story is. As teenagers seeking for people to love and love us back, we tend to make rash decisions or ignore the thoughts in our head that would often times prevent us from falling into traps. I love how you resolved by making this course of actions an endless cycle as it truly is, we make mistakes and never seem to learn from them. Awesome relatable piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you! i just put a lot of thoughts onto paper and made it a story and it was originally going to have a different ending but as you said it is an endless cycle that I still struggle with and I really wanted to capture that. Thanks for commenting!
DeleteI loved this piece. You've captured the emotions we all feel so realistically and presented the stark fear most of us face of giving ourselves to one or the other so blatantly. I also absolutely loved the subtle rhyming; it gave the voices and story and eerie feel.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got that! That was exactly what I was going for with the rhyming- inspired by the witches from Macbeth. Thanks for commenting!
DeleteThis was a very well done representation of the battle between following logic or our emotions. I liked the turn the story took after the main character got together with the boy. It made everything that much more heartbreaking and it heightened the sense of danger from being ruled by feelings. Good job
ReplyDeleteThank you! I was trying to get that point across where it's dangerous to listen solely to either your heart or your brain. Thank you for the comment :)
DeleteThis piece perfectly explains the thoughts and feelings which accompany making a risky decision. The voices in your character's head have no doubt been in my head before, but thankfully for different reasons. This piece is amazing, great job!
ReplyDeleteLOVED IT!! I enjoy the constant battle of whether to follow your heart or listen to your brain. Also i liked the twist of how in the end he ended up leaving. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI love how this piece is very well relatable. Our generation tends to look at people and expect everyone to love one another just like that. Everything in our lives is an endless loop waiting for someone or something break it.
ReplyDeleteI really like how this piece brings about the conflict we all have with our thoughts and logic conflicting with our hearts and emotion. All of us struggle with what we feel we should do and the logical thing to do, and it's deciding which one to follow that defines who we are. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteYour personification of the mind and the heart is so well executed in this piece! It's interesting to see the bad and good that can come out of listening to both, and how hard it is to reach the perfect balance. Great job, Ishrat(:
ReplyDeleteI like how this piece describes the internal conflict that every human faces. Logically, you should take the highest paying job to be stable and money, but at the cost of happiness. Emotionally, you should do what makes you happy, at the cost of stability. We all struggle to find the perfect balance, and sometimes people never do. Your piece made it blatantly clear that we must find the perfect balance to achieve happiness. Great joB!
ReplyDelete-Ethan To
I really enjoyed reading this piece! The emotions were so real and relatable. You did a great job describing the well known battle between listening to logic and following ones heart. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love how this piece kind of personifies the heart and the brain talking back and forth. It's a really realistic portrayal of the struggle between doing what you FEEL is right and doing what you THINK is right, especially if the outcomes would be drastically different. I also love how it ended with the not as happy outcome because really, how often does everything go completely right? Great job!!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how this piece reveals the truth behind how many people, at least once, try to please society rather than what satisfies and is best for themselves. Then as decisions become harder, we are caught between what we truly want and what those around us want. I loved how you described the ending because it truly shows that every decision has a consequence, some are just worse than others. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHoly guacamole. I loved this piece!! I loved how you described the feeling and then told the situation after, it kept me guessing and reading for what will come next. The ending is sad but lovely in how it ties it all together. Being a brain over heart type of person I've definitely attempted to follow my heart to only find out that my brain always wins,so this piece was highly relatable. Truly a beautiful piece!!!
ReplyDeleteWe all have the moments with listening to either a bit too much. You did a great job with this piece and I really like the last line.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is a great work! The amount of emotion in it is intense, and shows perfectly just how lost people can get when deciding whether to use their logic or passion to answer a problem. The story its self is also fantastic and the end really makes the entire story much deeper by showing that sometimes its better to use the heart, but other times it might not be. I also liked your rhymes in the dialogue. All in all, this is a great work!
ReplyDelete-Christopher Kerwin
This is a VERY skillful representation of what we all feel as people. It's scary how relatable it is when laid out in a story as well written as this. I enjoyed this piece a lot!
ReplyDeleteI loved this, Ishrat! Your portrayal of an indivudal conflicted by the constant battle of the brain vs. the heart really struck me as relatable. I think everyone can enjoy that this peice encompasses an almost daily batte that everyone has between being practical and caving in to your emotions.
ReplyDeleteI LOVED your piece! The imagery you used really made it come to life and also how you personified the heart was beautiful. I feel like anybody can relate to a piece like this because time after time we fall into the cycle of following our heart instead of what is logically correct. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Bryanna Torres
WOW! I really like this piece and how you used your mirror to represent your subconscious! Loving someone is such a strong connection to the point where you would easily forgive them. The imagery of the story was on point and just very strong. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD JOB ISHRAT! (:
ReplyDelete