Him--Rachel

Him… It always seemed to be him. Everyone liked him; he was smart, funny, and everything
that you could want someone to be. We were friends, only friends, or at least that's what it
seemed like. But he started to act different, he didn't act like a friend it was something more. It
was in the little things that he did that made me notice it. It was the little things that made me
notice that he slowly became more affectionate with the little things that he did. Instead of just
saying hi, he would grab at my hips when I had my back turned. He would say cute little things
about me when we were talking to other people. He would always ask for a hug when he wasn't
in the best mood and as I would start to pull away he would pull me back in. I started to see him
around more. He was slowly making his presence known. It was all very subtle, but the people
around us had even started to notice. No one ever said anything about it they had just let it be.
As time went on people started ask questions, “are you guys together?” or they would say that
we “looked so cute together” but the answers were always, “no we are just friends” and
“thanks.” But we were still just friends, never anything more or less. It seemed like we would
only ever be friends. I was the one that always put in the effort just to see if it would go
anywhere. But no, nothing changed besides the fact that I had started to like him as more than
just a friend. A little while down the road when I started to let it go, was when he had started to
show that it could be something more. Timing was never right with us. It was the whole “I'm not
ready for something like this” or “I'm to busy to have a relationship.” But if we had really wanted
it we would have made it work. After all it's not like I was asking for much, I had just wanted to
be with him. Then one day he was just gone, literally gone. So like all things I learned to get
over it. At first it was hard to let it go because I would remember the little things he did. All the
times that he had called me his angel and other cute names. Even the way that he would look at
me when he would pass by and the way that his arms tightened when he pulled me back into
his embrace because he wasn't ready to let go. But at some point I forgot about the way that he
would grab at my hips when he walked by and the way he would say my name and the way he
felt when I was wrapped in his arms. At some point I learned to just forget about him completely;
I can't remember exactly when that was but I was at peace with it. Everything was back to
normal for a while. Then one day, he came back... I don't know why he did, but he did anyways.
I didn't want him to come back into my life. I had been so content with the way things were going
without him. But it was out of my control, he was back and there was nothing that I could do
about it. I started to fall all over again. I tried to stop myself so many times, but nothing ever
worked. I asked friends about it and they said to just let it be and see where this all goes. So I
did. It was that simple. I started to see him around more and more, but something felt different.
He wasn't the same guy that I knew from before. He would act different in front of the people
that we were around. He just wasn't the same, I didn't know exactly what it was but I didn't like
it. Everything was different this time around. So now instead of him leaving, I was the one that
decided to leave. But at last I realized that it wasn't always him. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be
him, maybe the timing was just never right, or maybe I liked the thought of him more than us
actually being a thing.
I never said his name, but we all know who our “Him” is.