Wednesday, September 28, 2016
The Painted Sky--Nicole
A free spirit she was. Being told the elaborate adventures my mother had went on. I asked to
hear the same stories over and over as a coping mechanism. Those stories were the only thing
I had left of her. As a child my father would tuck me into bed and would tell me about how he
and my mother had seen what he called the painted sky. My eyes would soon begin to droop
until I had fallen into a deep sleep. A freezing cold gust of air blows the hair out of my face. All I
see is a pitch black scenery, until my eyes begin to make out what looks like trees, many trees
reaching towards the sky. That’s when I saw it, a flash of green. It was as if it was playing a
game of hide and seek, peeping out from the trees soon disappearing back into the darkness. I
begin to look for the dancing green light. It taunts me moving faster and hiding longer. I soon
prevailed when I had reached a clearing finding it in the clear night sky without any trees for it to
hide behind. That was when the light began to dance, spinning and twirling amongst the stars.
Many other lights joined the playful green light. I watched as streaks of green, blue, and yellow
painted the night sky. Until this day that night has stuck with me forever because that was the
night I saw my mother be the free spirit my father had always talked about.
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I liked your imagery and i loved that the story related to family. -Rachel smith
ReplyDeleteSo much imagery and so sweet to read. I love the very last line and how free I felt reading it. Thank you for this piece
ReplyDeleteI don't know why but for some reason your use of color really reminded me of Vincent Van Gough's Starry Night. The way that the father figure talks about the mom makes it seem as if he really admired everything about her. It was very well done. Good job (:
ReplyDeleteThank you, I'm glad you mentioned the father admiring everything about the mother because I was trying to show that they were young and very in love.
Delete-Nicole Campos
I really enjoyed this piece & the major shift you incorporated in the middle of it as you had fallen asleep. The green light you described fits the free spirit you mentioned perfectly. It also really resembles that of the Great Gatsby and the green light mentioned in that book as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I wanted to make the dream apparent by showing an abrupt end in reality.
Delete-Nicole Campos
I felt a sense of relief towards the end of the piece because you finally saw the free spirit of your mother that your father had been talking to you about. I liked how you used the green light as an extended metaphor for your mother's free spirit.
ReplyDelete-Ruben Becerra
I really enjoyed this piece, especially because of all the imagery you incorporated into it. Really good job!! - Sophia Cordura
ReplyDeleteThis was a really cute piece and I can see a lot of imagery and I just loved how you were able to describe feeling between mother and daughter even if she was not there.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece! With all of the imagery that you used it made me feel like I was able to close my eyes and see exactly what was going on, from the girl laying in bed with her father telling her the story to when the trees slowly started to appear in front of her.
ReplyDeleteI loved your use of imagery and detail, this piece is so vivid and emotional. I loved the last sentence "that was the night i saw my mother be the free spirit my father had always talked about".
ReplyDeleteThank you, I really tried to connect the beginning of the story to the end to show a obvious resolution.
Delete-Nicole Campos
The amount of imagery you wrote in your piece gives such a warmth to the reader. I felt really cozy reading your flash fiction since the daughter understood that her mother wasn't in pain anymore, but at peace.
ReplyDeleteWow! The use of imagery in this piece is incredible; I felt as if I were watching a movie. The ending was my favorite; it was very touching and satisfying.
ReplyDeleteVery detailed imagery, and a nice piece to read, different from other pieces, it's good to read something like this from time to time.
ReplyDelete-Francis Talla
Although I usually enjoy sad and unexspected stories, this one was really nice to read. I especially enjoyed how there was plenty of imagery but still much left to the imagination.
ReplyDelete- Andre Burgos