Friday, September 2, 2016
Hell and Heaven Too--Ivan
“Hell huh? Didn't he ever get tired of spewing the same stuff to us almost everyday?” He
considered it for a moment, finally coming to the conclusion that perhaps revisiting the hot topic
time and time again might be warranted considering their situation. If he ever cared to imagine
that place or the other, he knew they’d both exist here on this spinning ride, one way or another.
Nevertheless, he headed out to the garden again intent upon working the soil. His friend was
already there tending to the newest of daisies, their trunks still green and fresh, and laughing at
their white smiles. Their friendship was quite literally built on the common soil upon which they
stood. He had met Abraham on the first day, digging with a precise, practiced hand that was both
notable and disconcerting. Jay had never seen such a colorful garden; in fact, he didn’t believe
these quintessential grandmother gardens actually existed, much less here of all places. Today
however, Abraham was on his hands and knees mulching the fresh plants, doing everything he
could to keep them from dying. After surveying the familiar sight, Jay made himself known.
Abraham grunted in surprise turning with sweat on his brow and a quirk on his lips calling out,
“Ain’t you supposed to be praying right about now?” “It got a bit… repetitive,” Jay responded,
chuckling as he sheathed his hands. A month’s experience made it muscle memory by now but
he still remembered his first time. The first prick had drawn blood, deep as the taunting rose
itself. Abraham had told him the thorns laughed whenever they drank so he’d best suit up.
According to him, the field was dangerous and the thorns were the least of his worries: they were
hardly even alive.“What did? The promise of eternal salvation,” Abraham snarked back. “Try
damnation.” Abraham understood enough giving a dismissive wave of the hand. Jay suspected
Abraham never attended because he was too afraid. Jay would bring it up and his friend would
either ignore it, or close up, lost in his memories. Today it was the former. Instead, Abraham
directed Jay to the bucket next to him and to the task Jay always seemed to thoroughly enjoy.
The new flower bulbs sat there in a dirty pile ready to be planted. Jay happily took them,
inspecting the velvety skin to ensure their worth before he buried them deep in the earth. He
enjoyed the moisture there; it was comforting to know not everything was as barren as the
surface seemed. Abraham however seemed distraught once more, trying to avoid the bees
whizzing by, their stingers cocked ready to attack. Suddenly, Jay piped up, “You know you can
only have evil if there’s good right? I keep going because it reminds me there’s something just as
good. And I know she’s waiting for me.” Abraham’s responding smile seemed genuine for a
fraction of a second but faded as the hour’s buzzer blared across Cblock.
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Beautifully written. The title helps me to understand the meaning behind your piece... well I believe I know the meaning. You are deep thinker and it shows through your writing.
ReplyDelete- Kailah O'Brien
This story is so interesting! I really wish it could be longer than 500 words, i want to know whats going on! One question, however, are they on earth or in purgatory?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed it. In regards to the setting and context I apologize for the ambiguity (it irks me as well when I don't know what's going on), yet I found it necessary in this attempted allegorical explanation of what heaven and hell are. In actuality, when I wrote this story, I literally set it in a prison's outdoor garden. However, I'm extremely happy you interpreted it as purgatory seeing as the setting, whether it be a prison, Earth, or purgatory, is simply a place you cannot actually leave or escape thus narrowing the field of available experiences. This ties with the central idea of what I believe we think heaven and hell are, and the various forms they can take, seeing as none of us have actually been there.
DeleteVery beautifully written, truly! The use of vivid imagery and dialogue between characters adds to the story line very well, giving it depth and also helps to reveal the underlying meaning much more easily than if it were to be written in a more simplistic style.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much and I'm happy to know you were able to pick up on the imagery and dialogue of the piece in its context. I added it specifically to display the direction of my thoughts in a way that was (hopefully) subtle enough in order to allow various interpretations of the same core concept. While I did include sexual and war-like imagery to mirror my thoughts on what heaven and hell are on Earth, I'm glad you noted that the dialogue and the characters also create depth; the youth and hope of one contrasting with the aged sense of resignation to fate of the other.
DeleteI love the diction and details you use in the piece, I specifically liked the part where Jay thinks "It was comforting to know not everything was as barren as the surface seemed". I also liked how you added that there can only be evil if there is good.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to connect with specific ideas. I felt that it was important to include some ideas that were general and relatable. In my experience, the relationship between "good" and "evil" is a complex one: it's something I don't think anyone can truly summarize or adequately explain. However, something that helps me is imagining what stories and ideas become when they lack their counterpart: the protagonist without an antagonist, a resolution without a conflict, the Rebellion without the Empire, angels without demons, Captain America without Red Skull!
DeleteThis sounds like an excerpt from an amazing novel that is included at the end of an amazing novel and now I want to read the full novel ! I love the way you ended with "The hour's buzzer blared across Cblock" because it suggests that they live in a world unlike ours. I am so curious to see what kind of world you envisioned these characters to be in and I hope you don't forget about this story. Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteThe beginning is kind of confusing, but it's lead up to a central idea that ties everything together and makes it an almost relatable story. The imagery is so nice. I am imagining every single detail and you have the scene so precisely described it's almost scary.
ReplyDeleteOnce I got past the beginning sentences it was easier to understand your story, but it was REALLY well written. Great use of detailed imagery and diction. (which most of the words I had to look up) Amazing story though:)
ReplyDeleteWell written, full of rich imagery, deep characters and dialogue. Leaves me wanting more.
ReplyDeleteWOW, Ivan i'm truly speechless, because I was able to visualize the details and the powerful imagery of this piece. I was upset that it ended, because I was into it and when it came to the last word I just wanted it to continue. Reading the title itself "Hell and Heaven Too," really gives the reader an idea of what to expect before reading. I am very intrigued by your style of writing, FANTASTIC JOB!!!
ReplyDeleteYour piece was incredible! It really felt like I was reading a novel, I just wanted to keep knowing more. The use of imagery had such a great impact especially the holding of the rose with the pricking thorns, which has to be my favorite part. I loved the contrast between good and evil, such a great use of the concept!
ReplyDeleteYour use of connotative vocabulary incredibly enhances the purpose of your story and it really brings out your effective use of language. The use of imagery throughout the entire written piece allowed me to picture the entirety of the piece at a very understandable level. And of course I cannot forget to mention how much of an exceptional piece this is.
ReplyDeleteI'm in love with your word choice! Also, I appreciate how you can seamlessly start a story from the middle, introduce characters without a formal introduction and still manage to have readers feel like they know and can relate to the characters.
ReplyDelete-Vanessa Lai
Your piece was kind of confusing me in the beginning but as I read on I kind of got what the whole piece was about. I liked the line, "You know you can only have evil if there's good right?" because it just stood out and made reflect on society.
ReplyDelete-Matthew Jimenez
The sexual imagery is PERVASIVE. The scene of two men in a prison garden working the moist soil and connecting through that earthly toil really resonates with me: very well written! The planting of the flower bulbs reminded me of John Steinbeck's short story "The Chrysanthemums", where the protagonist, Elisa, uses her work in her garden as a way to express her desire for sexual fulfillment. Elisa digging her bare hands into soil in Steinbeck's story symbolized her robust, earthy, natural sexuality and fertility that was not utilized in her passionless marriage. Inspired, I take it?
Delete--Joseph Barron
Loved the use of the abrupt change in setting in the end of the piece, it really caught my by surprise and put the story in context. Leaving the prison setting for the end had me guessing what was going to happen and how the story would be resolved and enhanced the overall experience.
ReplyDelete-Austin Gomez
You had excellent word choice and used imagery effectively! As the two characters were working I could easily picture what environment they were working in. Though the story began what seemed to be in the middle of a chapter you managed to make the reader feel as if they knew the characters before and didn't leave any question as to who was who. I wanted to continue reading after the last sentences, it was truly an amazing piece!
ReplyDelete-Bryanna Torres
I found this piece interesting. The tiring tradition of "hellfire and brimstone" sermons had finally become boring to Jay, which is not all that uncommon. What is uncommon is the story is that the boy whose main focus and joy was tending to a garden did not have any relation to religion at all. With most historical cases, the planters are some the most religious, as they single-handedly deal with what they believe is a deity's greatest creation, Earth. Thank you for writing a piece that calls so much into question!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds amazing! I loved your use of imagery and diction throughout the story, it brought it to a whole other level. There is so much detail that it just pulls you in and doesn't let go. I wish it was longer!
ReplyDeleteThe imagery and diction is amazing and I think overall it is just so interesting, the story kept me captivated from beginning to end. I especially love the last few sentences, it definitely got me thinking, great piece overall I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDelete- Alexis Rivera
The great depth within the characters, vivid imagery, and impeccable diction truly made this work amazing. I really loved how you signified good and bad not really being so separated from one another but rather intertwined with one another.
ReplyDeleteA very interesting piece. Your use of imagery to convey the process in which the characters ponder their salvation while working in the field that represents their confinement was very detailed so that the reader can immerse himself into the story. The ending implying a classroom setting brought a new meaning to the story that makes you think about its true purpose. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThe contrast in this piece is great especially with the use of imagery. There really is no such thing as just good or just evil because they go hand in hand. I enjoyed reading this piece, especially when you suddenly changed the setting. It was an interesting read, good job.
ReplyDeleteI really really really enjoyed this piece! The use of the vivid imagery made it so easy to imagine whats going on. Also how much in depth you went made your story very interesting and enjoyable to read! Hands down amazing story. Good job
ReplyDeleteEverything about this piece is fantastic! The dialogue, imagery, diction, and the idea behind it make me want more. The ending line is a great clarification that the setting is in a correctional facility of some sort, since the beginning of the story evokes more of a serene feeling which is not something people associate this place with.
ReplyDelete-Chris Kerwin
This piece really got to me because I get through hard times with the mindset, if there's bad, there must be something equally as good so reading that caught me off guard. It very interesting to read because it made me question heaven and hell and weather earth was some twisted combination of the two. Excellent work Ivan!
ReplyDelete-Ishrat Khan
Interesting piece! You use a lot of vivid description that really made the piece even more captivating. After reading this piece, I can tell that you are very intellectual and a deep thinker.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very well written, it is so complex and impressive. The title is what spoke to me most, i love how it is not directly addressed but you find the meaning behind the title throughout.
ReplyDelete-Brie Dehoyos