The night was dark. An inky black
suffocating darkness. Still the girl left the safety of her home and ventured
out into the night. The night enveloped her in a familiar darkness. She liked the cold embrace of the night…It
felt warm to her, but tonight was different. The moon had taken its lofty place
in the heavens and shone coldly upon her
“How
strange” thought the girl as she walked through the forest. “The moon seems to hate
and stars have forsaken me. I want only to escape into the dark. Is that such a
crime? “
She
stole a look at the moon. It glared at her coldly. She crept through the forest
seeking darkness and dodging patches of moonlight that seemed to follow her. The moon cast a silvery lukewarm light upon
the forest floor.
“How
strange. “she thought again. “That the
moon should possess such a light like the sun yet unlike it. It’s not brilliant
yet it’s still beautiful. Does it wish to find refuge in the darkness? Or does
it wish to fine me?”
She
reached tentatively into a patch of moonlight. Her hand glowed silver.
Frightened she drew back her hand quickly. She glanced up at the moon once
more. It glowed brighter like a pearl in night sky. It didn’t seem so cold. The
moon seemed to tell her “Go on try again. “She turned slowly away from the moon
and stepped into the unfamiliar light.
I liked this story!! Hehe, it kind of brought me back to when I was younger running away from the moon and freaking out about it following me. This is very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece! Once I started reading I couldn't stop. You did a really great job. I want to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteThe story is amazing! I enjoyed its sense of mystery, which is only further emphasized through your vivid descriptions.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved the characterization of the girl in the third sentence. Just a few words and yet we understand so much about her curiosity and her fearlessness. I also really enjoyed the wistfulness of the piece, anything about the moon just takes me to a whole different place. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you were able to use diction that was full if meaning that allowed you to be concise but still be elaborate and have the meaning be fully understood. I loved your use of figurative language throughout it really added to the piece in a positive way.
ReplyDeleteThe way you infused different meanings about the darkness made it intriguing. Never have I ever walked out in the middle of the night feeling some sort of way towards the night sky and moon. Nighttime is something more deep and meaningful than daytime can ever be, that’s for sure.
ReplyDeleteThe stark difference between the frightened ignorance of the unknown and simple things that are intrinsic to this planet was really well done here! It reminds me of when I used to close my blinds as a kid because I thought the moon would be watching me sleep. You did a fantastic job of creating the suspense in this short story!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely love the use of personification in this!!! I also love how you described the darkness with so much comfort and light. Love this piece all together it is one of my favorites to have read by far.
ReplyDeleteI liked this story, it was very interesting. It was kind of like the girl was discovering the moon for the first time and all its light that it reflects.
ReplyDelete-Matthew Jimenez
Kailah, I really enjoyed the details the you provide in this flash fiction. As I was reading I realized that the girl was a symbol of humanity and mankind generally how she tried to escape from the light into darkness "I want only to escape into the dark. Is that such a crime?" just like humans tend to hide and run away from failures and hardships in life. In darkness there is always light and in life there is always hardships, we just have to come to realization that in life we must strive for what is best for us in attempting to make the best of it. But turning away and trying to avoid what comes our way is in reality the real and ultimate failure.
ReplyDeleteAs I enjoy my 3:00 AM morning saunters around Heritage, I find this to be very relatable. I love walking out alone in the dark, where I'm able to organize my thoughts, generate new ones, all the while breathing fresh air and observing the stars, moon, trees, bloodthirsty dogs, mushrooms, and other trifles and minutiae around me.
ReplyDeleteThis is quite competently written, and is quite loaded for just a few lines. I really like how you illustrated the moon under different lights, from cold and indifferent, to warm and welcoming.
And also an extra Andy-point for succinctness.
WOW!!! Your use of vivid imagery drew me into your story and gave me a mental image throughout the whole piece. My interpretation of the piece would be how as humans, we have the tendency to have fear instilled inside of us but once we target that particular fear, the contents of it seem to be the antithesis of the reason we fear it to begin with.
ReplyDeleteCool Andrew, I am glad that you could relate to my story. I had similar experience that inspired me to write this piece.
ReplyDelete- Kailah O'Brien
Wow wow wow Safa!!! I liked how you analyzed and interpreted my flash fiction. Its kind of represents how we try to hide from ourselves but at some point... sooner later we must learn to accept ourselves flaws and all. Its the first step in my opinion, in coming to terms with reality.
ReplyDeleteKailah O'Brien
Hi there Andy. A few years back I used to go for runs at 4: 45 in the morning and the moon would still be out. It would be kinda of eerie to be running around the dead quiet neighborhood and see the moon, hanging in the sky there. It was like something was missing...
ReplyDeleteBut I'm glad that I was Andy points for this piece.
Yes Matthew you are kind of right in thinking that she is discovering the moon for the first time. In all actuality she is looking at the moon for the first time from a different perspective.
ReplyDelete