Friday, September 2, 2016
A Father’s Love--Keala
You’re tucking your beautiful daughter into bed. Your wife finished her bedtime story, kissed her cheek, and left the room with a smile. Now it's your turn and as you walk in you hear a “daddy!” from the sweetest voice you've ever heard in your life. You look up and there she isfull of life and half her smile hiding behind her long, wavy brown hair. She jumps out of bed and wraps her little arms around your neck and you smile. You put your finger to your lips and she does the same as she follows you out to the balcony across the hall. You look up and tell her everything you know about the stars and the universe and she stares up with amazement from her curious bluegreen eyes. She asks on about why she's able to see the shooting stars and wonder to what's beyond our galaxy. You answer everything about a mileaminute because you are just as excited as she is. There is no doubt that she is yours. You never thought you could love anyone this much. She is a living piece of you and the woman you loved so much to take as your wife. This is a completely different love, one so new and pure. Your heart jumps when she cracks a smile at you and becomes solid as a rock if you're told someone is not treating her like the princess she is. And then she asks you where the Millennium Falcon is up there and you both start laughing so hard but then stop as you hear footsteps leading your way. You look your daughter in the eyes and tell her you'll take care of this one, wink, kiss her cheek and tell her to run straight to bed. Your wife looks at you and begins to remind you that she has school the next day until you pull her in from her waist and shush her with a kiss. You continue to kiss her until she forgets everything else on her mind. This is what it is like to be in love. Everyone tells you that nothing is perfect but this here, your family, is something you wouldn't trade for the world. And when you gently pull away, she bites her lip, attempting to hide the smile pounding in her blushed cheeks. Without hesitation, you swoop her off her feet and move along into your room and she laughs and the smile doesn't leave your face. They say it comes like a thief in the night but it is more the devil that could not be beat with all powers of heaven. Your eyes fall towards your little angel as she lays to rest for the last time. Reality settles in and the pain grips your heart and leaves it shattered. The girl you welcomed into your loving home eleven years ago, the same girl who held your hand and laughed with you under the stars has been robbed of the one thing you cannot give backher life. It's only matter of hours until a part of you is buried forever.
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I like to see that your stories still retain their usual twist at the end. Your description of love pulled at the strings of my heart before ruining my day with the daughter's death. And cool Star Wars reference. -Austin W
ReplyDeleteI loved the differing types of love that you discussed. The love between a parent and a child and a romantic love between husband and wife. This story really made me feel of times I spent with my dad. My heart was torn in two when the title girl died.
ReplyDeleteI love this piece so much because while I was reading it, I was literally able to picture the story in my head. I also loved how the ending plays out, because it shows that life is not all pure smiles, and in a point in our life, we will all get hurt from something or someone.
ReplyDelete-Lauren J.
I enjoyed how instead of focusing on a mother -daughter love you went the other way to show how the father and daughters bond is powerful as well. Not only did you describe a family love but also a marital love and I found that nice because I felt sometimes people forget about the love one has for family that will make them do anything just to keep it. Interesting end ,loved the shift !
ReplyDeleteI love how you describe love not in the typical 2 partner romance, but from a family aspect which makes it more meaningful and unique. Great use of similes!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness this piece had a twist. It gave me chills and ended with tears. This is one of my favorite pieces, I enjoyed reading it. The love that was displayed throughout the piece was so strong and showed that not always is life kisses and smiles.
ReplyDeleteKameryn Simkiss
Aww this story is so heartwarming. I love how obvious his love is for his family and it's wonderful. I also love the sad twist in the end showing that everything is perfect but sometimes it doesn't last. Wonderful job!
ReplyDelete-Aliyah Dumas
I really enjoyed reading your piece. The descriptions of love and enjoyment made me feel warm and happy. Wonderful description had me to actually picture the entire story, piece by piece. Also, I absolutely loved the way you shifted from holding on to love to the loss of it.
ReplyDelete- Deric Stephens
My heart has never felt so full.. this made me want to kiss and hug all of my family as soon as I finished it. SO beautiful! I also did not expect that twist at the end! It totally threw me off, but it did not hurt as much as I thought it would. Love will continue even if she does not! <3
ReplyDeleteThis piece was extremely well written with tons of details and comparisons that really played a movie in my mind. I truly think this depicts how a loving father really feels when their daughter is young, along with how their heart begins to break as his daughter grows older. It's great how you added the light and loving reality as well as the harshness of it.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved your piece! When I first started to read I pictured my family and all the love I have for them, which is why I was really able to connect with it. This piece really showed that love is a powerful thing. Great Job!!
ReplyDelete- Sophia Cordura
I love this story! The details of everything that was happening that night made me feel like i could be that little girl (until the end of course). The plot twist gave me the feels and it was just an overall great piece:)
ReplyDeleteThe end was such a twist! The detail you used when describing the love between the family really helped me imagine the situation. Great job!
ReplyDelete- Jade B
This piece was very well written and shows how true love can build a family. Your fantastic and descriptive use of detail truly highlighted the love the family will continue to share even though the daughter has passed.
ReplyDeleteI deeply felt sympathy for the father with this piece as if he lost his treasure. I felt the love that the father had for his daughter and for the love of the family in general.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is just wow, an actual short story. It makes me think and wonder of how life will really be, I love how you also Described and are very detailed with what who says what and actually made me imagine the story. This made my heart drop, and I really like what you did! It really is like a little movie of how reality is and what could happen, with love -Lyndsey Ortega
ReplyDeleteThis is a really cute short story that I absolutely loved. I just loved the tone of it all and how in the end the idea of reality set back into the story. Well written! -Leezeth De Los Reyes
ReplyDeleteI love hearing different types of stories involving the loving bond of a father and a daughter. To think that you would be able to tie in the many different aspects of how much a father can give so much for the person he loves most. Because not every father daughter relationship can be as great as the way you described it to be. Thanks for sharing your Flash Fiction!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great read... sad but nonetheless great. Through out most of this story I wore a smile only to have it drastically change to a frown in a matter of seconds! It is really an awesome story.
ReplyDeleteThey way you displayed love throughout the story was very powerful and the crazy twist at the end completely threw my off but a overall a really good story!!!
ReplyDelete-Dominic F.
Wow, breathtaking. The twist at the end was like a big meteor striking without notice. The descriptions you put within the story is amazing, from the blue green eyes of the daughter to the definition of what love is. I love how you depict the time spent with love ones is precious and is shown throughout this story.
ReplyDelete-Vivian Chiang
This is absolutely beautiful! I loved the way the father loved his daughter and wife and admired his fatherly traits and then you hit us all with the devastating news that the little girl is dying and I can't possibly be more upset. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis was so well done, even with the limited amount of words! I loved that it did have a conclusion and I was not left in suspense! The entire piece was such a roller coaster of emotions and it was so simplistically written so it was not hard at all to immediately feel a connection and relate to the characters. The fact that you were able to write from another perspective, other than yours or a women's, was genius, very well done!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was absolutely beautiful! From the beginning I fell in love with the amount of love the father had for both his daughter and his wife and how inseparable their bond is. Then you hit us with the devastating news that the little girl is dying and that mad the story so much more touching and interesting.
ReplyDelete-Cameron Smith
This piece took me by surprise! I enjoyed how you made the reader feel as if the story was going to end with an ideal family happily together, but the twist was just the opposite. The descriptions used wanted me to keep reading on. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis story's beginning led me to an unexpected end. Wow, absolutely loved how you didn't tell on yourself on what the ending was going to be and truly surprised the reader. Also liked how you explained the various types of love and really spent time to explain the love, building up to heartbreak for the readers later.
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful and special! I loved every part of it, it was so amazing to see you talk about the different kind of loves and the love a child can have towards their father. I love the ending as well so beautiful and just stunning! good job.
ReplyDeleteEmotional read, great job. Captures all of the details of a loving bond perfectly. Powerful twist and ending
ReplyDeletei really liked the plot twist in the end. The beginning was also incredibly cute and made me nostalgic for that kind of future.
ReplyDelete-Rachel Smith
This piece is honestly one of my favorites on this website. I also enjoy/ find it impressive how you managed to capture all this emotion and detail in such a little amount of text.
ReplyDelete-Andre Burgos
Your story was absolutely beautiful all throughout the paragraph. The plot twist at the end was incredible. It made me realize you can't really take things for granted. The structure of the paragraph from the details, to imagery, to the symbols were very well written.
ReplyDelete-Harley Liera (2)
This is very emotional to read ! I love how you connected the father and his daughter so close and how she would ask questions about the galaxies and stars and so on. Towards the end the tone gets more serious and the happiness starts to fade which took time for me to realize that the little girl was about to be buried forever , knowing how important family is to that man , it's something or a part of himself he can never seem to lose.
ReplyDelete-Tori A.
This story hit me like a truck. It reminded me of what I would want to be like as a father and husband with the first two parts of the story, then made my eyes tear up with the thought of losing a daughter. The twist was very unexpected, very well done, and is concise enough to surprise, while also being long enough for its meaning to hit home. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece in its entirety. From Star Wars references to the death of the young girl (not that I enjoy death), but they both bring out emotions for me as I can connect to Star Wars and feel sympathy for the father who has lost his little girl. Masterful Piece.
ReplyDelete-Armando Chacon
What I precisely adore and appreciate about this story is the fact that it is a father-daughter relationship, and on my behalf I am very jealous because I do not possess such a relationship with my father. Reading the story gave me the opportunity to live the experience and wish to develop such a connection with my father. My favorite part of the story was when it said "You look up and tell her everything you know about the stars and the universe and she stares up with amazement from her curious bluegreen eyes. She asks on about why she's able to see the shooting stars and wonder to what's beyond our galaxy. You answer everything about a mileaminute because you are just as excited as she is." I was able to envision the image between the father and daughter while later developing strong emotions that touched my heart near the end of the story. Good Job, you are really skilled with your writing because you leave the reader with mixed emotions!!!
ReplyDeleteSuch a heartfelt work! You tied in the love for a lover and the love for a daughter very beautifully. Though the ending was tragic, I enjoyed reading this very much. Good job
ReplyDeleteThis is so... heartbreaking and breathtaking.. Throughout this piece, just reading this made me kind of feel the emotions the father is feeling. With your descriptive writing, you really helped us readers imagine what it would be like to feel this love and in the end.. have something important to you taken away. In the part that said, "You never thought you could love anyone this much. She is a living piece of you and the woman you loved so much to take as your wife. This is a completely different love, one so new and pure," this really hit me. The way you told this story especially in this quote, helped me imagine what this would be like having someone that is such a huge part of your life. Such a surprising and heartbreaking end finding out that the daughter was dying after making the readers feel the love and care for this girl character... Powerful, heartwarming, and meaningful piece. -Nour Ghonim
ReplyDeleteI could not help but smile as I read this story only to have it wiped out completely by the ending, but that was amazing. You took the reader through love and whimsy to disappointment and reality. This piece brought tears to my eyes, and I really appreciated the piece as a whole.
ReplyDelete-Bryanna Torres
Reading this literally gave me chills! You describe everything so well, the diction and imagery was amazing. It was such an emotion provoking piece, it made me happy and my heart melt but at the end it gave an unexpected twist and it was tragic. Loved your piece!
ReplyDelete- Alexis Rivera
This left me wanting to know more. What happened? Does she have brothers and a sister? Is she their only child? Is she in pain? Is he having a dream about the last time he saw his daughter or is she coming to him in a dream? It's heartbreaking but it does seem like a dream that turned in to a nightmare.
ReplyDeleteFirst I'd like to say that this is so beautifully written. I love all of the literary devices you used. It really helps the reader understood the amazing bond between the speaker and her father. This is so heart warming, because of your diction. This really makes the reader really see all of the memories and feel all of the love. I really didn't understand the ending at first, but when I re-read it I felt so much empathy for the speaker, which is what really makes this piece very interesting, and a good read. Great Job! :)
ReplyDeleteLoved the story! I don't understand how the girl dies, if it is at all alluded to in your piece, however I couldn't help but to think of how likely a divorce between the loving couple is after their little girl died. Not taking into account the death of a child, half of marriages end in divorce; it is a sad thought when it faces the loving couple you skillfully crafted. Hope to read more someday!
ReplyDelete--Joseph Barron
The ending was the biggest plot twist. I expected all laughs and smiles but it ended in a reality check. Very well done. My favorite line is "She asks on about why she's able to see the shooting stars and wonder to what's beyond our galaxy." I ask myself that question every time I look up at night sky.
ReplyDelete- Jazmin Gracias
Amazing! The use of concise sentence structure when describing the love truly captures its intensity in feeling. As well, your attention to detail and vivid description really adds to your piece and makes me want to read more!
ReplyDeleteThis story was very captivating; I felt as though I could connect to all of the characters of the story because they were very relate-able. I really liked the plot twist in the end because it made the story very unique, and unlike normal "happily ever after" stories.
ReplyDeleteVanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas.
ReplyDeleteAll things come to an end - it's well known, but we, as usual, refuse to acknowledge it. And it takes much bravery on your part to address that.
A controversial thought: perhaps we put too much emphasis on family life and the happiness. The most powerful spell, in Harry Potter, for instance - the Expecto Patronum, is all about dulce memories and carefree family times. Have we no higher ideals? If we become so attached to it as a source of happiness, and when it's whipped out from under our feet it causes such angst, isn't that not exactly healthy, because in the sphere of human interactions, bumps in the long road are inevitable? Or is it that we, as humans, are bound to find the most rewarding and substantial pleasures in such interactions?
this story almost broke my heart, I wasn't expecting that. it was a great story, i love how it talks about the different types of loves there are, I love how its a daddy and daughter type of relationship, not a lot of girls share that bond with their father.
ReplyDelete-karina lopez
This is such a moving piece. The twist end completely threw me off after such constant nostalgia. Love is such an enigma but you did an incredible job exploring the multiple forms and aspects of how love is reciprocated.
ReplyDeleteI love this piece so much, it made me feel for the little girl and be sad for her because that part of her dies in the end. But it also displays the love between the parents very well and I like that a lot
ReplyDeleteThis piece absolutely beautiful!! I love the ending and it moved me in a very touching way. It was an amazing story about love and the concept of the father and daughter relationship was astounding.
ReplyDeleteI loved the description of how much the father loves and adores his daughter ,and tone of pure adoration you used to get your point across. I also appreciated the constellation scene , and how You used imagery.
ReplyDelete-Sereenah Soare
This piece was so breathe taking! The twist was so unreal. I really liked how instead of the daughter having a close relationship with her mother, she had it with her father. That relationship is uncommon these days.
ReplyDeleteFantastic piece! You built up so much emotion in so few words and your imagery throughout the story was extremely vivid. I especially liked the plot twist at the end. Playing with the readers' emotions like you did is a really good element of a memorable work.
ReplyDelete-Chris Kerwin
This story took me on a roller-coaster of emotions and tore me up at the end. It was so beautifully written and I could see the happy little family watching the stars as I was reading but at the end, when that was so unexpectedly taken away, my heart dropped. It's a brilliantly touching piece.
ReplyDelete-Ishrat Khan
Great use of imagery! I also loved the emotion used towards the theme of love in your story. The two different perspectives of love you use make it especially powerful and relatable to your readers. I feel like the plot twist in the end really shows how love makes us vulnerable. It reminds me that loving someone always comes with the risk of losing them so love really makes us susceptible to pain caused by loss, but still the moments one has with loved ones will provide some of the best feelings. Amazing job!
ReplyDelete-Geraldine Goyenaga
It was such a lovely story from the beginning to the end, how you described love from being a pure happiness to a despairing sadness with the loss of his daughter. This really tugged on my heartstrings the imagery of the happy family made me so emotionally invested in wanting them to just keep being happy, and that ending just really surprised me and left me heartbroken. Your exploration of the relationships between father and daughter was very well executed. I wonder how this tragedy affected the relationship of the husband and wife, I just want to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteThe story conveyed the comparison between love to offspring and love to husband/wife. I see the point coming through that the prior could be superior over the later since the love contributed into the prior is pure. In such, the later could be sometimes influenced by lust or impurities. This comparison made the lost of the prior more painful to accept. Just like the poem itself stated, it is "a part of you that is buried forever".
ReplyDelete- Raymond Chiang
Oh my goodness Keala why!!!! The end killed me literally!!! It made me go hug my little sister and tell her I love her so so much. I don't know how it feels to lose a child but I know it feels to lose a sibling and it just reminded me so much her but your story was amazing and you should be a writer.
ReplyDeleteYour writing style enveloped me in so much warmth!! I was drawn into a whimsical night from a conversation between a father and a daughter. I was never able to connect to my father on such a personal level, so reading this piece gave me a small insight. The twist at the end tugged at my heart strings, but I didn't feel any of the warmth from your style leaking away. It still retained the same cozy feeling of family.
ReplyDelete- Rachel Callejas
I was enjoying the piece until it came a piece of loss, which was painful, but it was good. Being able to move people, to feel the same pain a character feels, and sharing a piece that could be personal, but one that others can relate to is what many would consider a great piece, and would be one of their most memorable ones. Keep writing pieces like this and improving on what is already effective at reaching your audience at a personal level and your work could catch a director's eye, an indie one that is, they're small but they tend to make good movies.
ReplyDelete- Francis Talla
I love the fact that while reading the story I was able to create visual images in my head. The diffrent types of love in the story makes my heart swell and not only that but it makes me realize to appreciate the time I have with my dad
ReplyDeleteThis piece is amazing! It was absolutely touching, your use of imagery created a reality and strong connection. I loved how you proved that there are many different forms of love, and how important they all are.
ReplyDelete-Brie Dehoyos
Reading this piece out me in my feelings. This was well put together, and I enjoyed the star wars reference, until the twisted ending leaving me in questions. But very well written piece.
ReplyDelete