Planned Splinters--Audrey

He had been there for four years. He had grown so accustom to the smell of pine that he could no longer appreciate it's beauty. He left to write, to be inspired. He wanted to see more than what he saw under the roof of his own home, and in the walls of his room. The first few months were exactly what he hoped for. Every morning he woke up early to make sure he didn't miss the sunrise. He would walk past creeks, through bushes, and over hills to the edge of a tall cliff that overlooked the east. He watched the sun creep over everything that could never really be captured in a photo. Even though he came to write, he did a lot of drawing. He drew squirrels, trees, and occasionally the creatures he saw in his dreams. His favorite was the white mass with 9 arms and a heart the size of its head. He said it was the embodiment of love, I said he knew nothing of it. After a few months, he said, the mornings became what hurt the most. He imagined he could see our house in the distance. That he would be able to just walk down and see our children playing in the yard. That they would be ready to see him, and that he never even left. When he told me this, I reminded him that it's dangerous to think that way. His eyes swelled with tears and he looked away before any could fall. He hates when I see him cry. To be fair, this is why I fell in love with him. We met at a party that I was never supposed to attend. I had never seen anyone so comfortable with being the center of attention. We were in our late 20’s then. We spoke for hours, rather he spoke and I listened. I fell in love with how he saw things, I fell in love with all he knew. He had so much wisdom and I felt like a child in an interactive museum. I fell in love because he always wanted more to life, but I was wrong in assuming that I would be the “more” he was searching for. It took a year for me to realize that I couldn't raise our children with the hope that he was coming back. Even if he did, he could never really be there for any of us. I never thought I'd say this, but I became a single father. I wanted to be out there with him. To abandon everything and just go. I wanted to get splinters every morning and bug bites every night. I wanted to stand on the edge of that cliff with him and regret leaving. But that wasn't on his agenda. And none of this was on mine. I wish there was a happy ending to this story.