The End of Time
My eyes
explode open; I jump out of bed and look out the window to see people running
amuck. I hear someone voices in the other room, I cautiously proceed into the
living room. The television is on; I never leave the TV on. Channel 4 news is
describing something, something big, the signal isn’t clear I can’t make out
what they are saying. Earthquake?
Tsunami? Terrorist Attack? Some darkness has fallen over the world. I’ve got to
go. I can’t be here. I have to find it. The only righteous and wholesome thing
that is left in this tainted place, with it I know that I will be alright. I
put my cargo pants on, lace my boots up tight, I put my black long sleeve on
grabbed a knife, flashlight and car keys, preparing for whatever the world has
to throw at me, and left. The life I used to know is no more. The person I was
is no longer who I am. I need one thing and one thing only, if I can survive
long enough to reach it I know I can make it through whatever this is. I run to
the car as fast as possible, I slam the door, I look up and see a hoard of
people are coming straight at me, I struggle to put the keys in the ignition. I
start the car the tiers screech and go as fast as the car will take me, driving
straight through the hoard, disregarding the people I hurt in my pursuit. The
world has changed and I must change with it. I have one mission, one goal, one
purpose for living. Without it, I lose myself and all that I am. People are in
the streets throwing glass bottles with lit towels hanging out of the top into
buildings. The bank is overrun; little boys are running out with armfuls of
money, a man pulls out a revolver, takes aim and fires. One of the boy stops
dead in his tracks and collapse onto the ground, the man looks over his
shoulder and loots the boy, he couldn’t have been more than ten years old. I
stop the car, and tears swell in my eyes; I wipe them away because I know I
cannot stop for anything if I am going to find it. I continue to drive, I come
to an intersection and there is a car in front of me, driving faster than I. An
oncoming car hit the one in front of me from the right and they spiral out of
control into a building and the cars explode into an orange and red inferno. I
make a hard right and I’ve finally reached my destination. I leave the car out
front and sprint into the building with my knife in its holster and flashlight
in hand. The lobby is dark with few flickering lights. I make my way to an
elevator, I press the button and wait for a moment, and the doors don’t open. I
turn on the flashlight and search for the sign that reads stairs. I walk across
the hall and find the sign. I hear a scream, a wailing voice; I sprint up the
stairs climbing ten staircases with my weapon in hand in case of being
confronted by an enemy. I reach the tenth floor. I slowly pry the door ajar;
the hallway is pitch black, I cannot see my hand in front of my own face. I
click on my flashlight and a lady with mangled hair pounces on top of me I
struggle to stay on my feet. I drop my knife and flashlight, I regain my
balance, and as she continues to attack me I grab her by the wrists get into a
firm stance and toss her body through the door and down the staircase. I hear
her fall and the sound of her breaking back echoes throughout the staircase. I
pick up my flashlight and knife and proceed through the hallway, my breathing
is heavy and steady, and beads of sweat are trickling down from my brow. I get
to the right door and knock on the door. There is no response, I put my ear to
the door and there is complete silence in the room. I try to open the door but
it is locked, with all my might I kick the door open and it swings and hits the
wall. And there she is lying on the floor in the fetal position. I pick her up
and walk through the door with her in my arms, down the staircase and I lay her
down into the back of my car and drive off. I need her love and affection, the
love of my life because if her love was all I had, that would be enough until
the end of time.
Oh my gosh, Zac that was amazing. The ambiguity of it kept the story intense and built up to an incredible climax, and the resolution, took my breath away because I did not even expect a hint of this story being romantic. Amazing choice of words, I'm completely blown away. Incredible, incredible job. I wish you'd be able to continue it!
ReplyDeleteWow, you completely threw me off course. When the passage first started off, I thought I had it figured out, that this was about some apocalyptic disaster in which your main character had to run for his life, but the fact that your character acted with selflessness to attempt to save the girl forced me to reread the passage just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I was completely thrown off. I enjoyed reading this passage and the amount of emotion your main character had towards whatever was happening was perfect. Not too much, but not too little. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteOoo scary! The action verbs inspired intense passion and fear, while the final scene with the girl he loves rounded off the story with the whole gamut of emotions. I'm curious: who is the lady with the mangled hair?
ReplyDeleteThis does well to keep the reader feeling the confusion of the scene in the story.
ReplyDeleteWow! that was incredible! You immediately drew me in as soon as the story began and kept me focused all the way through. You used a lot of diction and imagery and expressed many emotions and feelings. then ending was a phenomenal as well. The contentment that the main character received in the realm of his lover. Great work man.
ReplyDeleteThis story was amazing! The twist was so unexpected and perfectly executed!!!
ReplyDeleteWow! Great work! I was instantly hooked once I read the first few sentences. Very nice use of imagery, felt as if I was there encountering the events with you. Felt almost like a movie! So I'm guessing the setting is during a zombie apocalypse? I like how you also incoporated romance into this piece too. Job well done.
ReplyDeleteYour story is one of my favorite reads this school year and you did a very good job.
ReplyDeleteThe description of all the seens makes the reader feel as if they are there alongside you. Great job keeping the reader interested in the whole story. I especially liked how you were able to tie this fiction into a real life moral and feeling.
ReplyDeleteTruly an intense story i must say that really was amazing, how desperate he is to keep his love strong for the one he loves until the end of time, i just loved the whole outout of the story, amazing job
ReplyDeleteI loved the chaos in the beginning and the confusion. The short,detailed sentences really made the story seem very fast-paced which blended well with the chaos. Great job on giving an emotional,intense effect on the readers!
ReplyDeleteI originally thought that this piece was about a zombie apocalypse. I thought I was in the beginning of The Last of Us. Your intense use of vocabulary was extremely effective, and I was infatuated with the imagery. I also liked how you kept referencing how important this mission was, and the passion really showed in your writing. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAnd nice song reference(:
This was so intense, I really enjoyed reading it! This left me confused and curious. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAt first I didn't know what was going on. the way you wrote the words really drew a picture in my head. I loved this story. Best one I've read so far.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason this story really confused me, but at the same time i really enjoyed it. Great job.:)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this. At first I thought it was going to be about another zombie invasion and then I kept reading and I was not expecting that outcome. It was really good and it kept me interested. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really like the part, "Earthquake? Tsunami? Terrorist Attack?" If I was in that situation it will be: Fire? Gas leak? Dream?
ReplyDeleteWow. I really liked this hypothetical situation. It's good that you're very well prepared in such a situation because I wouldn't know what I would do other than panic.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing! I absolutely loved it, the anticipation of what the man was searching for and what was driving him to his destination was perfect. Amazing job Zac!
ReplyDeletehonestly one of the best stories ive read u did an incredibly job of using imagery and u definitely kept the suspense and action up. u did amazing and im a complete sucker for a little romance so that was nice how you kept the reader on their toes about what u were looking for so great job hun keep it up.
ReplyDeleteWow. right from the beginning my eyes were glued to your story. i would think i was dreaming the whole time. you did an amazing job with it. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteAha. That was fantabulous. Sorry for that but I enjoyed it alot. It brought me the feels. I didn't expect it to end like that. When I saw the title and tsunamis, I thought it was going to be a story about an apocalypse. When I read the end and that last hard hitting sentence, it got me dead center. Spectacular my good sir!
ReplyDeleteYour story was very suspenseful, the fact that you did not let anything get into your way of staying alive was great because I would have probably gave up on myself or been scared to death to even go out there with out anyone on by my side. But I'm curious to know about what happened to the couple. Fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteGreat detail, and diction love the action to the story
ReplyDeletethis story is really good because of the suspense and the great plot, you did an amazing job at writing this.
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing! i never would have guessed the resolution would turn out like that! the romance is a crazy twist. It's a great piece and i can't wait to hear more.
ReplyDeleteDude. Dude, that was good. The detail of the story made me feel as though I was actually in the story, and I felt such an intense panic at the beginning of the story that some similar personal experiences resurfaced in my head.
ReplyDeleteOne thing, though. You might want to separate the stories into paragraphs. It looks more attractive that way. (And easier to follow.)
This piece was really exciting, and I did not picture that ending. I figured that the narrator must have been going to get more weapons or something around that, but instead he went to go get the love of his life! Very, very cute scene there. And the bit where a lady went to attack him was quite spooky. As you described her I thought she was going to be a ghost. Lots of different ideas went through my head reading this, its a great piece.
ReplyDeleteThe intensity remained consistent throughout the story, and I love the path that you took the story on. The ending was adorable, good job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was absolutely amazing! And the plot twist was great and it kept me interested
ReplyDeleteEvery single detail of this story was fantastical!! Yea I said fantastical:). It held so much emotion, fear and bravery at the same time trying to chase the person you love. I just really love this story and all the imagery inside of it.
ReplyDeleteyo that's kinda scary it was amazing the plot twist was amazing every single detail was amzing
ReplyDelete