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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Jordan--A Simple Walk Through Life


A Simple Walk Through Life
A man walked down the street on a bright, sunny Friday in the middle of April.  On this path he was traveling, there wasn't another soul who walked past him.  However, almost a second didn't go by when there wasn't a car accelerating past him.  The man wondered to himself why no one else was enjoying the beautiful forecast that had come from the start of spring.  Hoping to see more lively spirits, he decided to change his path to go to a local park in hope of finding more people rejoicing in the breathtaking weather and soaking up the pleasant rays that the sun was raining down upon the earth.   
On the way, the man finally ran into someone else outside, it was a small group of young teenagers who have decided to come out and ride their bikes. One of them was on a call while the others waited sluggishly for him. As the man passed by, he overheard some of what the young teenager was saying on the phone and discovered that the teenagers were simply riding their bikes to their friends house to play a new game that their friend had just bought, and they were going to take longer than they had originally expected because the teenager’s, the one who was on the phone, mother’s car had problems turning on, so they had to take their bikes instead.
 As the man continued down his route, he eventually arrived at the small park with a playground, swing set, basketball court, tennis court, exercise machines, and many ideal recreational outside activities. Though the man witnessed all the wonderful activities that the park had to offer, he didn't see a single child, teenager, or adult enjoying any of the possible outdoor activities. The only people he saw at the park was a young mother whom seemed to be paying more attention to her phone rather than her young child who was playing on a tablet her mother have her so she would be simply be quiet.
After seeing this, the man realized a sad truth of the reality he was living in. The society he lived in had become more fascinated in lazy indulgences. People would travel in a car to travel to local destinations simply because they don't want to put the effort towards walking. That simply traveling by anything other than a car is a last case scenario that people find as a worst case scenario simply because it requires additional effort. That people rather stay inside to enjoy the lazy indulgences that are on the screens in front of them. The man had realized that he was the only one who even cared about the fresh air and beauty that surrounded him, living among those who rejoiced in activities that remained between four walls and usually required staring at a screen and sitting down.  The man had a simple thought that raced through his head.  Why did people want to exchange personal interaction and adventurous experiences for those that remained in closed confinement, followed by a lack of social interaction and idle habits?

71 comments:

  1. Was the aforementioned old man wearing a pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses? Sadly the reality he witnesses doesn't seem far off from today. However, your perspective is evident in the character of the old man. Great job incorporating social commentary in a simple and effective story.

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  2. Amazing story and 100% true! Keep up the good work

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  3. Your story represents our generation which is very depressing. Most people are absorbed by their phone not taking in the beauty surrounding them. Great story.

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  4. I'm feeling this piece because nowadays people want the easy way out of things and don't see what nature itself has to offer to everyone. I like the details given in this piece because from the man's point of view, he sees nature as something valuable because he is enjoying the season of spring. Great job on this piece!

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  5. This story is a bit sad because it is the truth. In this generation people would rather be on the internet than outside. As humans we tend to be very lazy and invent things that will lighten the load for us. This really makes me think that maybe I should spend a little less time on my phone and more time experiencing new things.

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  6. It was a really good story 100% great job.

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  7. i loved it!! and its so true it makes me want to go outside

    -Diamend De Silva

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  8. I really enjoyed your piece because the types of actions that was mentioned in the story like staring at your phone, looking at a tablet, or playing video games is what most kids or adults do rather than taking the time to admire the life around them. Excellent job!

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  9. I really enjoyed this piece, it is an entertaining piece of fiction that gives the reader a lot to reflect about at the end

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  10. This piece describes the uncontrollable addiction of technology perfectly. This flash fiction depicts the truth of society that though technology has created many advances and has become comely, technology has also caused us to turn our backs on the real beauty around us. Great work. :)

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  11. This was a great story even tho it shows the reality of how people are consumed by technology and what the next big thing is great work

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  12. What you wrote was so relatable to our society, a great read!

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  13. this story rings true in so many ways with the aspects of our society great way of bringing problems to light with your writing! Very good job!

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  14. This story was amazing, honestly, the way you describe how wonderful being outside can be on a warm sunny day in spring was spot on, great job with this story

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  15. The detail in this piece really allows the reader to connect and do some self reflection. Now days everyone is caught up in their technology as oppossed to interacting and carrying a conversation with one another. Your writing did a great job opening people's eyes to this.

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  16. Your story relates a lot to this generation by how many people prefer to go on the internet than go outside.

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  17. I hate to say that this is fiction, but it is reality. In my opinion, people are going to wish this would end, but won't. Great job on being realistic and honest.

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  18. I totally love this story. This is the entire truth of the world today, and the last paragraph captures it all. Very nicely written, and the message is just marvelous.

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  19. Very good story! I really enjoyed reading your story.

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  20. This story is 100% true. When I go to the mall with my mom or just somewhere in general I see teenagers and mostly everyone on their phones. Keep it up!!!!

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  21. We can relate to this because it is true that most people are on their phones or some type of device all day everyday 24/7. When I was reading this story I notice that some people have just become so lazy to do stuff in our society. This story makes me want to leave my phone at home and do something outside.

    -Jerico M. G. Franco

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  22. I really enjoyed this piece because of how honest you were. This is the very sad truth of today's society and the youth of today as well. It also shows that we should try living a life full of things that are worth living for.

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  23. I think this was a good story on social issues we have now a days but the story does seem a bit extreme but be a very real possibility

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  24. Awesome job! This piece really shows how dependent our society is on technology. If this is how our society is today, I can't imagine what life has in store for us and our children. Your word choice was very compelling, which greatly contributed to the effectiveness of the truth you expressed. Well done!

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  25. Its sad how true this is, people would just rather be on the internet than to spend time with family an friends.

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  26. This was really good. I t truly represented society today. Nowadays, people would rather just text each other or be surrounded by technology than going out into the world and enjoy life.

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  27. On one hand you can see the beauty of nature on computer simulators with 1080p graphics, its important to also see the real thing, well said.

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  28. This was a little depressing, but it does reflect our present society. A popular topic right now is reliance on technology and lack of exercise the youth is getting. Thanks for pointing this out and making us want to be the kind of people who go outside to enjoy sunshine. Carpe diem

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  29. Wow. I cannot agree with this man anymore than this! It's so sad to see that this generation is so focused on electronics that they forgot what interaction is! Well that's from what I have experienced. THank you for this :)

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  30. The sad truth of today's society..... Good story!

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  31. It's sad because that's just how most of us are these days and so far it looks like it's just going to get worse, even though some complain they don't go out there and see the world that surrounds them on their own once in a while. We just complain about a problem then turn around and do the thing we complain about. Great job!

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  32. This is very true about our society today sadly. But me on the other hand loves going outside! Great job it really showed me how the world and society is like today.

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  33. this is the sad and ugly truth of our generation.. but u did a great job of capturing it and putting it in to words so good job doll.

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  34. So true about today's society,overall Great piece!

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  35. its true to now see how life has adapted to.... but hey you cant stop something that has already started.

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  36. This was great because it was something we could all relate to. Great job!

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  37. I know many people can relate to this story because it's true. Our generation is sucked up into the internet. This is a great piece. Good Job (:

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  38. You're right about what our generation has mostly become, there are less people who don't enjoy what life can offer outside of technology. It's weird, remember back when I didn't have a phone in 5th grade and I was dying to get one. I didn't realize now that I have one, what does it do for me in interaction with others and things around me. That's why I love playing softball it gets me off my phone and actually do something, besides staring at a screen ruining my eyes and I get to enjoy spending time with my team mates in travel ball. Your message is something everyone should take and I hope you are having a great senior year! Great job on the story!

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  39. It was really enjoyable. I liked it alot!

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  40. I like your use of third person becuase it allows the reader to look at the entire scene as a whole rather than just form a single person's point of view. It also created a bigger impact bacuase it shows that there is another person who agrees with our views on how society has changed. It's saddening, but it's true.Thank you for sharing your work

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  41. this sad because its like our society but good job!

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  42. I agree with you 100% people really need to work on their social skills

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  43. Your use of imagery and strong dialect, emphasizes the toll that technology has taken on humans. As technology advances, the activity humans decrease. We ask a lot of questions which lead to new, original, inventions that could benefit or make life easier as it is. Instead of wondering why an apple fell on Isaac Newtons head and the law of gravity, we are focusing on the new features the next Apple iPhone will come with and how much we have to save up to get it. The section of the story that caught my attention most was when the main character passed by some teens. The fact that they are riding their bikes as a last result to get to their friend's house for that new game, shows how corrupt society physical and mentally is becoming. This situation describes my past "gamer" life. Instead of wasting time asking our parents to drive us around the corner, we would ride our bikes or speed walk to get to the game in time to play as much as we can before our parent's either call us back home, or before it gets dark. The setup andplot of this short story was outstanding. C'est génial et passionnant. (I don't know what is going on with my Google Account, it says Unknown..)

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  44. I like how you described the weather and the day, it adds more emphasize on your main message.

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  45. I didn't expect this story to turn morbid at first, but still the truth of our society no matter how you look at it. great story!

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  46. this is sad because it the truth! i like the choice of words you use. Good job

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  47. this is such a huge problem and yet no one seems to be doing anything to fix it! you did a wonderful job writing about it though and next time i'm outside, i'll be sure to pay more attention to my surroundings!

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  48. This really points out to our generation because nobody wants to do anything anymore and its sad but hey nice step with your story it shows your values and true outlook on life...

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  49. i really like this story and how accurate is is to how we are in the real life

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  50. pretty much explains how life works, great job on this piece.

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  51. I really like how this story hit close to home. Wheni hang out with friends we sit on our phones and watch TV. This is a great story and very realistic.

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  52. I love this, its such an accurate representation of our generation and our obsession with technology. Although I am guilty of always being on my phone, from personal experience I have learned it is best to stop and enjoy the world surrounding us. Great job!

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  53. This is quite upsetting only because its completely true. People these days are being taken over by electronic devices and just take the worlds natural beauty for granted. The bit where the mother and the child were at the park on devices, it seems like people get so bored of being bored in one place, they need to go somewhere else to be bored again! (If not bored then on a device) Overall its a great piece, really gets into reality and even though its a sad truth, you could not have put it in a story any better way.

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  54. I can totally relate to this story! It's so sad that we live in a society that lives off of technology. We should seriously go outside and interact with people more! I really enjoyed the message in this story! Well done.
    -Lauren Waitman

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  55. This was great. Very true and tells that people rather with all the technology than with their friends and family.

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  56. Society is sad and thanks for showing that here.

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  57. your story is 100% true and describes people today . but i like this alot great job.
    -bryan sung

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  58. Oh wow this is so amazing!everything that you wrote is 100% true because nobody ever gets to enjoy nature but being in bed with our phones. It's a great to show how society is like today than before even though it's sad to see that happening every day. Keep on writing more!!

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  59. This is such a reflective piece that mirrors an overlooked truth. Great job!

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  60. This is so true and kind of upsetting. It makes me look at what is around us and makes me upset. This was a great writing job. You really have a talent. Our generation is pathetic. I couldnt agree more with you. Great Job!!

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  61. I would say that this is sad and also the truth, Great story (:
    - Ian Mendoza

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  62. Wow Jordan, seems like you have some intense opinions on society-at-large. I think the man's anger may have been better understood if there was more tension in the story; as it stands, he seems despairingly bitter. Brave foray into political statements, Rocky Ray.

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  63. Great job on your piece! It's really ironic how your message opposes communication through technology, yet here we are as students utilizing as a sharing tool for our story. Jokes, but anyways, your message does reveal a sad reality about our generation and I'm glad you chose to surround your piece around this theme. Great job!

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  64. This just makes me think about how technology has become a big part of everyone's life. Great story!

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  65. Really great topic! I enjoyed how you showed what the man was seeing and presented his thoughts on life at the end. Nice job!

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  66. This started off so nice and then you show the flaws in our actions. small grammatical error but everything else painted a nice yet tragic image.

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  67. This is sadly the way our society has decided to live. We lock ourselves up with our devices and make ourselves think we havent the time or need to interact with all the world has to offer.

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  68. I like how this story is very realistic to how our generation in this world are because we're all lazy and are always on our phones

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  69. Sad because how true it is 'till this day.. Good job

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  70. Everything in this couldn't be more true. We experience this evey day and we do contribute to it. Even it you dont ant to admot it you are normaly doing something if you realize it or not.

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  71. Tiwa "Latte" AdemorijimiFebruary 6, 2015 at 10:22 PM

    Stories like this is what shapes humans. Stories like this is what *clicks* in people's minds, what society, socially, has become or is becoming. Stories like this, makes me want to smile, because stories like this make me realize every time I read a story like this, the truth has a real impact on the fake.

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