Rainy Days: A Flash Fiction
It was a rainy Tuesday morning as
Margot and Benjamin looked out in fascination as the water droplets raced their
way into the flower beds. As they waited for their mother to prepare their
lunches they raced raindrops on the window and watched to see who’s would make
it to the flower bed first. Benjamin’s would always win and gently bounce off
the petals of the delicate daffodils while Margot’s slowly seeped into the
dirt, never to be seen again. Deflated from her losses Margot requested that
mother make them hot chocolate to accompany them to school. Mother prepared the
cocoa and poured the remainder of the marshmallows into Benjamin’s thermos, she
then turned to grab the new bag of marshmallows only to realize that she had forgotten
to purchase them. Mother apologized profusely but Margot insisted it was fine.
The children gathered their school supplies and their umbrellas, said goodbye
to their mother, and proceeded to the bus stop. As the two strolled to the bus
stop a large gust of wind came and turned Margot’s umbrella inside out.
Benjamin could not stop laughing at his sister’s misfortune. The pair continued
on their way and finally arrived to the bus stop. Benjamin spotted something on
the ground and bent to investigate, Margot attempted to straighten her poor
umbrella when the bus approached, driving straight through a large puddle, drenching
her, and completely missing Benjamin, who had found the object that caught his
eye, it was $10. Cold, wet and annoyed Margot got on the bus to see that her
favorite seat had been taken, she sat all the way in the front, right next to
the bus driver and opened her thermos, hoping that her hot chocolate would save
this lousy morning. As Margot opened the lid and took a deep smell
Of
her cocoa, she realized that Mother had mixed up the thermoses and instead of
having her delicious cocoa she had yucky old coffee. Margot reflected on the
events of the day that seemed to be the worst day ever and at that moment
Margot decided to be happy. Little Margot Jenkins decided that whatever
happened to her, she would always be happy and radiate positivity. So when she
got off the bus and fell face first into a mud puddle she brushed herself off
and continued on her merry way with a smile on her face.
Props to Margot for staying positive the whole time. I liked this. It was easy to read and relatable, except for the staying positive and happy. My only comment is that I wish you added more adjectives to enhance your piece and help the readers paint a clearer picture of what you were seeing while writing this. Thank you for sharing your work!
ReplyDeleteI love the contrast between the two sibling's lives. The character foil of Margot and Benjamin really emphasize one another's differences. It's funny how one gets a thermos of sugary goodness and the other her mother's yucky coffee. This story is adorable.
ReplyDeleteThis was definitely a story I would read again, I enjoyed everything about it. Great Job
ReplyDeleteI thought this was an absolutely cute story of optimism. It has a good theme that everyone should apply to their own lives. Great job Isabel :)
ReplyDeleteI love how positive little Margot is even with those unfortunate events! Great imagery! I pictured all the events in my head.
ReplyDeleteThis is so cute! I would be so sad if those things happened to me as a child, lol but I can imagine the little girl going through her day & not allowing anything to bother her. I loved it. Good Job!
ReplyDeletethis is a good piece. I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDelete-Garrett lachase
This has a great message, it might help if more people were like this.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to a day like this. Except for the good mood part. I usual remain skulky for the rest of the day. Good story!
ReplyDeleteThis is just a series of unfortunate events for poor Margot. If this happened to me I would be mad for a week. I enjoy how it didn't end with the way I would react and it carries a good message. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis as a good story and it would of help if more people were like this.
ReplyDeleteI like your piece because everyone has bad days at one point and can choose whether to let those days bring them down, or just keep moving forward. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI think its amazing how you gave her continuous bad luck. In the end she decided to be happy instead of brooding over such small micro regressions.
ReplyDeleteI like the ending most of all. Great job! I liked it a lot!
-Kyla Thomas
At the beginning of he story I figured this would be a story about Margots misfortune and towards the end i kept thinking wow i feel bad for her, like her bad luck is over excessive but shes a strong girl to ignore the bad luck shes been getting
ReplyDeleteA great story, full of imagery that one can relate!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Margot i feel bad but above all this was a great article easy toread and understand and i liked it alot
ReplyDeleteWow, Isabel! This piece was beautifully written with such a compelling plot. I really enjoyed the contrast between the two characters in this piece. Not only was Margot having a bad day, but her brother's day was the exact opposite, a contrast that furthered this piece's effectiveness. Great message and awesome job!
ReplyDeleteThis was such a cute piece! I like that throughout it, I could feel myself empathizing with Margot in her struggles. I think more of us should be like her.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting story and I would totally read again. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI really like how it ended when Margot stayed positive throughout the story. When something goes wrong or unexpected she doesn't make a fit and doesn't get upset throughout the day. Overall I really enjoyed this story.
ReplyDelete-Jerico M. G. Franco
Very great theme, imagery basically everything . GREAT JOB :)
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I felt bad for Margot because she was very upset and depressed. I like the way how you turned something bad into something good. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteI really like this story! Its elegantly worded, and very descriptive. I couldn't help but laugh at little Margot's misfortune, but i'm very happy that she could keep her head up!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece and I loved how Margot stayed optimistic despite everything. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI love this story. I love how you made Margot's day bad luck and Benjamin's day good luck. I just love the contrast between the two characters but what I love the most is the end part of the story when Margot decides to be happy no matter what happens to her.
ReplyDeleteVery good story! There is nothing better then a cup of hot cocoa on a cold rainy day.
ReplyDeleteThought this story was very uplifting and adorable ahha :). The little girl had a very positive spin on the depressing actions occuring, it was very different and i loved it.
ReplyDeleteThey say optimists see a man half-alive instead half-dead, if you add a little accident in the story it will be perfect.
ReplyDeletei really like how this story gave a positive message, to be as happy as you can no matter what happens. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteThis was so cute. I like the way the two siblings are opposites of each other. I really thought good things would happen to her, but NO she fell in mud. If it were me I would have been sad. But Margot is better than that. Great job
ReplyDeleteAwww poor Margot, But its good that she still keeps a positive vibe.
ReplyDeleteOverall great story!!! :)
I loved the optimism that Margot had. Usually when someone has a bad day, they feel like nothing can get better. Everyone should try to be positive and to have a smile on their face no matter what kind of day they experience just like Margot did. Good job!
ReplyDeleteawww poor Margot, but its good that she still kept a positive vibe
ReplyDeleteoverall great work!!! :)
This story had me thinking how this would totally happen to me, and through the whole story I was getting mad myself for margot when she stayed positive the whole time. You couldn't have made this story better. It just gave me an intense feeling as well as it had me emotionally unstable.
ReplyDeleteNice use of imagery and description throughout the story, and I like the message. Very optimistic, and a little funny. Nice job :)
ReplyDeleteThought this was going to be another rainy day story, but even though the heroin was severely unfortunate, her attitude won through! A good life lesson for all of us. I imagine if the story continued, Margot's fortune would have improved.
ReplyDeleteThe final slap in the face, of falling in the mud puddle, gave me a genuine lol (laugh out loud). It's nice to see that your character is growing up, starting to see the greater truths in life, coffee is the bomb yo.
ReplyDeleteAw how unfortunate for Margot! I like how she had a very positive look at things at the end. We've all have had our bad days, but we have to remember that bad times are just times that are bad, and eventually we will have a good time, which I feel like you put into your story. I liked the happy ending :) this was a cute story Isabel :)
ReplyDeleteGreat imagery, you used all the five senses to appeal to the readers and especially me. I loved how even though Margot's day didn't go well she keep positive and went along with her day. Your piece can teach people, that they shouldn't be affected on things that go a bit wrong in their lives. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteWow this was so cute to read! I actually really enjoyed this! Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteI loved your story!! Margot is such an inspiring character she reminds us to always stay positive to matter how bad the situation is.
ReplyDeleteThis story was great, it was interesting and descriptive, great job.
ReplyDeletevery good use of imagery and i liked the moral of the story. Great Work!
ReplyDeletevery good use of imagery and i liked the moral of the story. Great Work!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I can't tell you how many times I have had a day like this. Loved the ending and nice choice of language!
ReplyDeletei really enjoyed the story, very well written and i love the message, good job hun (:
ReplyDeleteVery cute and entertaining story to read. Great use of imagery and Margot stuck with the positive attitude till the end.
ReplyDeletei really love the imagery in this story,very descriptive. It's also nice how margot stayed positive, it teaches a very good lesson/
ReplyDeleteGreat story I love it when it is a rainy day and I can stay inside and drink hot coco
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story! I loved that the character was able to overcome the many obstacles. It was inspirational.
ReplyDeletelove the story ! it was very inspiring and had very good small deatails that lets the reader imagine whats going on!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story, just by reading the first sentence I was intrigued by the descriptive details and amazing imagery you included.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! very enjoyable story and I like your descriptive words and imagery!
ReplyDeletethis story was so cute.. I loved it I can read this 20 more times and it can be adorable as it was the first time. so relatable and happy.
ReplyDelete-Lauren Weimer
Very good imagery your words were very descriptive
ReplyDeleteI like the character's positive outlook on life, most people would just remain moody and upset for the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteGreat theme to the story something we should all apply to ourselves !
ReplyDeletethis was so cute and funny! I LOVED the story and your word choice!
ReplyDeleteI like how this story shows one's strength, not just by her crying about her situation, but the fact that she still kept a smile on her face says something. great work on this piece
ReplyDeleteSee that Margot is always seeing that the grass is greener on the other side, was waiting to see if her brother would have any misfortune; would have been a funny twist.
ReplyDeletei really like how this story had a message and how margot chose to be happy even though her day was very bad
ReplyDeleteThis is so cute:) and I love the contrast between the characters. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe ending was really funny and overall it was entertaining and relatable! Good job(:
ReplyDeleteThis piece is definitely the cutest one I've read so far! I really enjoyed the descriptive language you've used, and the ending was really adorable. I like the message of staying positive you put in there, really a lesson we all should pay attention to!
ReplyDeleteI really loved the imagery used in this story and the choice of vocabulary stood out to me. If only remaining positive could be this easy! She's inspiring(":
ReplyDelete-Bernadine Uzeta
I like the use of imagery and how the theme was to always have a good mood
ReplyDelete-Corbin Cagle
Very Relatable!!
ReplyDeleteAwh! I really liked this cute story! Your intended message behind this is inspiring and a key lesson we should all remember. (: I especially enjoyed the beginning with the racing rain drops because their was a lot of adjectives and adverbs describing each and every detail. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThat was cute. Like, adorably cute. I was smiling the whole way through. I like the way you told the story, making it seem as though it was a children's story (which works because this has all the parts to a children's story). I'd prefer it if the story was broken down into paragraphs, but in this case, making it one fat paragraph kind of works.
ReplyDeleteI really like this. #smilinglikeanidiot
Good Story , i like how margot stays positive ,great work
ReplyDelete-bryan sung
Oh wow what a great story and I love the use of imagery and how you used the five senses! It was a wonderful message and love the ending. Keep on writing !
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those short stories where you can get something of much value out of them. Your choice of dialect as well as imagery, couldn't have been transformed any better than the way you did it. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI like how Margot looks on the bright side, Great story (:
ReplyDelete- Ian Mendoza
I love the thought put into this piece. It was very cute and I loved the details, you did a fantastic job
ReplyDeleteGood job, and what an imagination. Unfortunately we all have those days. I loved reading this. It was so well written. Great use of imagery. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI don't really know how to take this. It was interesting, and I wanted to keep reading something. Does it stem from personal experience? Is this a protest against the seemingly inherent sexism of the world? I think that's how I'm going to see it, and in that case, this rocks.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good story and I especially liked your use of imagery.
ReplyDeleteI really loved this! Awesome use of imagery and encouragement at the end, overall really nice job!
ReplyDeleteThat ending made it all worth it because even after those misfortunes Margot stayed positive and I commend that. You go Margot.
ReplyDeleteIsabel, I really enjoyed this piece! This is an extremely cute story and it gave me that warm feeling at the end.This story could really brighten up someone's day, especially if they are having a day like Margot's. I admire Margot's strength to stay positive, despite all of her misfortunes. I appreciate loved the care that you took to describe the raindrops; the way you wrote it was so beautiful! Great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat use of imagery, you managed to make great use of all 5 senses. The moral of the story was very inspiring aswell.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this because you used imagery by using the five senses... good job:)
ReplyDeleteThis story resembles you greatly in the way that you are such a positive person and its enlightening and inspiring witnessing this and also reading it in this story.
ReplyDeleteWhat I enjoyed reading about this piece is how Margot didn't let what happen to her get the best of her, and for that I admire her character because she remained positive throughout the day. I just love the turn out of this piece and how descriptive is it. Good job!
ReplyDelete-Tino