I can’t move, my
body frozen, paralyzed. It was 12:47 as I was on my phone laying down on my bed
looking at my ex’s new bf on twitter. I hate that guy so much, I mean what does
he have that I don’t besides being good looking, tall, and captain of the
wrestling team. Anyways I decided to leave my phone and go to bed since I have
to wake up early for school. So I dropped my phone on the floor and dozed off
to sleep. It started off like any other dreams off mine, my ex dumping her lame
boyfriend and running back into my arms. Then suddenly the dream shifted to
where I was a super hero flying from country to country and saving pretty
women. As the dream started to get better my body suddenly shook and I became
physically frozen. I opened my eyes and tried to move my body with all the
strength I had but it was no use I was still stuck in bed. I tried screaming,
yelling out to my parents for help but my mouth seemed like it was sown together,
nothing came out. As I froze helplessly my door handle began to move and my
door started to open. I began shouting with joy, mentally speaking, thinking it
was one of my parents coming to check on me too see if I was still on my phone.
As the door opened fully I noticed that neither of my parents were there. That was funny I thought, what else could
have opened the door? As I finished my last thought a shadowy figure caught the
corner of my eye. Now my heart began racing, thinking endlessly what the shadowy
figure could be. I thought maybe it was a ghost or a demon coming after my
soul? The figure began getting closer and my heart began beating even louder
than it already was. I tried to move but no movement came out. Now the figure
stood over me, it’s tall, dark body, long arms with sharp claws on his hands reached
out to me. I felt his hand on my chest as his claws dug into my chest. I tried
screaming again but nothing came out. I closed my eyes expecting the worst and
then the timer of my phone went off as I had set it to wake me up at 6 am. The
shadowy figure left with a blink off an eye and I regained movement in my body.
I told my parents what had happened but they blamed it on my imagination. I
went to school not saying a word to anybody about the incident for fear of my
friends calling me crazy. As I was walking to my first period I began feeling
excruciating pain on my chest. I ran to the bathroom and took of my shirt to
see why my chest was in so much pain. In the mirror, clawed on my chest it
read, “ See you soon.”
This is a realy cool idea. Sleep paralysis is pretty scary as it is, but you took it to a whole new level. I thought this was really creepy, good job. - Deric Stephens
ReplyDeleteThis is so good! I love how you used sensory details, and how you kept me in suspense till the last sentence. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe title drew me into this piece. I like the vivid details and the suspense. It also brought me in intrigued me but leaving it with a great cliff hanger!
ReplyDeleteSleep Paralysis is really a scary thing.. This was spooky but in such a cool way! Thank you for this piece!
ReplyDeleteYou really had me thinking with this writing! It opened up new ideas for me to think about. It's a new topic that I haven't been exposed to very much. Great job!!
ReplyDelete-Lisa Ryu
This story started out like any cheesy teen book but i liked how you twisted it into a nightmare and it made me think about my own nightmares. -Rachel Smith
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece! I love how this spooky image of your dream was vivid enough to imagine! Great piece.
ReplyDeleteKameryn Simkiss
I LOVE this piece! it makes you get the chills and really think about what is going on throughout the piece which is perfect for this month, good job !!
ReplyDelete- Lyndsey Ortega
WOOOOOWW!! The end of the story was well put together. The intense horror parts made my heartbeat race for the character. Great well written story.
ReplyDelete-Harley Liera
Love the suspense and personal feeling of this work! This concept of bringing the results of dreams into reality is really trippy and makes me ponder the actuality of having this happen! Super crazy, loved it.
ReplyDeleteJust thinking about this gave me chills running down my back. The imagery was well put together to set up a suspenseful feeling
ReplyDeleteThat was scary! The ending of the story was clever and chilling. I'm going to make sure my door is closed now.
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought that this was just sleep paralysis , because I sometimes experience it, but then you took it to a whole new level when you mentioned words being carved on the character's skin and it made it even scarier.-Martina Panganiban
ReplyDeleteI think so much of this concept from time to time because when I was little, sleep paralysis was something I would experience all the time. I would like to think I've seen a shadowy figure once before, and it was not pleasant.
ReplyDeleteGreat job with the story! Perfect story for the upcoming holiday! Loved how you jumped tones and also how you made it seem like you had a nightmare that essentially never ended. Great job
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing! I loved reading this, it was so spooky and interesting at the same time i just couldn't stop reading. Great work!
ReplyDeleteWow, the imagery/detail in this story is incredible. I felt the heavy weight on my chest as the character did! Great job :) -Jessica B.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really great story, the suspense throughout the story and especially the end was awesome!
ReplyDeleteThe way you tied our dreams to our body was really cool. I like how you used senses to convey the things going on in your dream and how it was affecting your sleep. The suspense factor was really cool too. Great Halloween piece (:
ReplyDeleteI really loved your piece. It reminded me of the paranormal activity movies. The suspense was great and the overall flow of the story made me want to keep reading so great job!
ReplyDeleteWhoa, that was just awesome! It was so well put together that it made my skin crawl. Sleep paralysis is no joke and the experience is truly terrifying, but the idea of the shadow person actually being an entity take has gone after the character in this work Freddy Kruger style is such a cool and scary concept. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteGotta cool down for a sec, it was really nice. That ending scared me, I was like "no no no it can't be happening" I have no words except for AMAZING job! I love how you started the story right off from the bat.
ReplyDelete-Vivian
This piece gave me the chills when I was reading it. I love it because things like this can happen to anyone yet you wouldn't know and the details of it is unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteAHHHH !!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this on a personal level because I deal with sleep paralysis often and its honestly the scariest and worst thing that happens to me. It makes me feel helpless and terrified and reading this made me feel all that fear again. The whole scary twist at the end only made it so much better. Awesome piece.
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ReplyDeleteThis was such a good story. I loved your use of imagery. You made it really interesting and made me want to keep reading. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like this story as it fits in with the dark setting of Halloween, and how it shows the paranormal part of our brains, and how it could exacerbate the fears we experience. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteExcellent piece to add to the superstitions and fears that come along with this season. Great use in keeping the eerie-ness throughout the story. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteWhile i myself have never experienced the fear that comes with sleep paralysis the way you use sensory images helps me picture what it must feel like.
ReplyDeleteThe thing I love about this piece is that you leave the suspense until the last sentence. You also used a very colorful sense good job!
ReplyDeleteOh wow the claw marks, the message on your chest, the SUSPENSE, I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteThis was scary! The sensory imagery really brought the situation to life, and carries a perfect mood for Halloween! Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece had a mysterious tone that left the story at the freaky climax. The story was told in the perspective of a high school student. This made me think a lot on "what if it happened on me"?
ReplyDeleteThe choice you made to wait till the very possible last moment to reveal the "pain" she had. It left the reader in awe and still intrigued and thinking! This piece was extremely fun to read
ReplyDelete-Somijah R
This piece is freaky! I really enjoyed the uneasy feeling I get when I read this!
ReplyDeleteWow I really loved your story, it really gave me the chills. I also loved how you used imagery in your piece. I literally felt the part where the shawdowy figure touched the boys chest haha! Great job, very creative!
ReplyDelete-Marlene Gonzalez