Today’s
treatment is done. My mom’s cry and the doctor’s voice are ringing in my ears.
I still haven’t cried. The doctor says I’m in shock but I don’t think so. I
don’t get how doctors can diagnose people with things like shock. They don’t
know what I’m feeling. They’re not me. Anyway, my mom received an email from
Make A Wish. I think they’re too late but my mom thinks I should stay positive.
My wish is to see Rider and Diego. and to go to school. and to take this
bracelet off my arm. But they can’t do that. All they can do is send me to
Disneyworld. Well thanks again for listening to my thoughts. I’ll write in you
again tomorrow. Hopefully.
Oh Andy, This is beautiful. Your piece really made me think. It helped me to understand that this is a reality that many children must cope with. Children are diagnosed with various types of cancer and that is devastating. Adults believe that they can make the children happy by taking them to some amusement park but in all actuality the children wish to retain some kind of normalcy in their lives before their time is up. You were able to capture this reality in just a few lines, so you've earned extra Kailah points for conciseness. I especially enjoy how you achieved this in the form of a diary entry so lets add a few extra Kailah points for creativity.
ReplyDelete- Kailah O'Brien
This looks similar to one of those short horror stories, but its not one a horror story. Instead its one of those stories where you mouth is left gaping open as you slowly realize the meaning of the story and what is it about and you feel sad. Great writing.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing that you can apply this perspective to your writing: cynical terminal cancer patient. Despite this, I can still hear Andy in the words. I think the most thought provoking aspect was the title, alluding to the sense of being trapped. The balance between brevity and depth of the piece is amazing as well. -- Joey Barron
ReplyDeleteAlthough this piece is short, it gives an important message. This made me think about the reality that some children face what the child faced in this story. Amazing piece that everyone should read... -Lauren J.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that this story is so short and simple, yet contains so many details and truth about children feeling held in captive due to cancer is amazing. This truly made me think and realize I should be grateful that I have the ability to experience new things and have good health because others my age struggle with this illness and cannot experience what every child or teenager should. Also, the title is quite intriguing. At first I thought this piece was going to be a random diary or journal entry, but once the patient said they will "hopefully" get to write again the next day reveals the loss of hope many patients can receive. Beautiful story Andy.
ReplyDeleteWoah! this story was a short and tense story, which made me thing of my whole life and existence and made me thing that I should be grateful. Really put into perspective of someones life slipping away and how much they want their regular life back.
ReplyDeleteThis story was short but, the message was impactful. The characters hardened out look on his condition, "I still haven't cried" and his sarcastic quips really make this story both sad and enjoyable. We as the readers feel bad for the character but he doesn't really feel bad for himself. The character lives day to day and is an example to us all that nothing in life is promised and all you can do is stay strong.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I tried to make the speaker seem like person and not a character. Also, when I was writing this I had a a girl in mind but I find it intresting how you read this through a boy's perspective.
DeleteWhat a sad story that unfortunately many children can relate to. The way you showed the child's responses to what should be a terriful moment was thought provoking. Great piece.
ReplyDeleteWow, this piece really made me think. Although it is quite short, it provides the the reader with a lot of thinking afterwards. It really put our world into a closer perception, and how many of us are fortunate enough to not be in the situation as your character. Additionally, since the title states that it's Day 27, I'm really interested in knowing why the character is there, if the character will ever survive, and at what day this will happen. Amazing job Andy, you always know how to keep someone thinking!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful, yet heartbreaking story. I really opened my eyes because this is what some children go through. Everyone should read this, great job!
ReplyDelete-Jade B.
I loved this piece. Despite its short story its point was stated exceptionally well that a lengthy excerpt was not necessary. This story also pulls at my heart strings as i know from an outsiders perspective how an illness can effect someone especially someone is young and is being robbed of experience and life
ReplyDeleteYour story is so meaningful. It was short but filled to the brim with pain and yearning. The way it is styled, a short journal entry, makes it seem as if the patient who is slowly dying is pressed for time. I really like how is shows the patients wishes in comparison to the wishes of those around them and how it brings up the fact that a trip to disneyland is not going to save their life and what they truly want is to be better. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAlthough this story was short, the message it contains has a huge impact. It made me realize how I should be grateful with what I have now and my situation in life. Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteVery impacting to say the least. A short entry that contains a great message. Absolutely incredible. -Jessica B.
ReplyDeleteThis story is so perfect and that leads me to loving it. I love it because it gives the thought of someone who is very sick and cant do much but get sympathy from a organization like that and family but they dot know if they would be around long enough to enjoy the experience.
ReplyDeleteANdy! First of all, I just want to say that my heart really hurts right now. Second of all, this piece really made me think about the reality behind the wishes that terminally ill patients make; they are forced to wish for superficial things that potentially lack any significance or meaning in their lives when all they want is to be cured and have the opportunity to live a normal life free of I.V.s and loneliness. Additionally, I like how you titled the piece "Day 27" which makes this seem as if this is an entry in the speaker's diary/journal and kind of creates an intimate experience with reading the piece. Overall, I found this piece to be very moving; Fantastic job, Andy!
ReplyDeleteThank you first off! It's actually kind of weird that you said exactly what I hoped someone would think while reading my story. I'm glad that your interpretation matched mine.
DeleteAll that in one story, it was great! It's a great example on how many kids have to go through this. I loved loved loved it. One part that caught my eye was the word "hope" at the very end. It doesn't give closer, it makes the reader think what will happen next. Nicely done.
ReplyDelete-Vivian
The content implemented in your flash fiction but the short length of your syntax emphasized the message of the story. I feel a deeper sense of sympathy to those who face this detrimental challenge. I imagined a diary, filled with similar short entrees that will one day end as this child dies. I feel a sense of attachment to the narrator. The syntax mirrors the brevity of life. I am greatly enthralled.
ReplyDeleteEven though this story was short it still evokes so much emotion because no one ever realizes what children whith cancer really actually go through and what is going on in thier minds. This piece makes me feel thankful for my health .
ReplyDeleteAlthough short this was one of the most powerful pieces I have read I loved this. It was kind of sad when I realized the kid has cancer and doesn't even know if he'll make it to tomorrow. I also laughed and loved when you wrote "I don't get how doctors can diagnose people with things like shock".
ReplyDeleteThis piece really allows us readers to delve into the mind of an ill patient and their thoughts and desires they wish to experience before they wish to die. The short letter shows how the patient does not think he has long to live, so he wishes to be happy before he dies. Good job on creating this influential and emotional piece!
ReplyDeleteAndy, this was such a great story. You were able to capture so many emotions in such a small amount of writing. Good job!
ReplyDeleteShort but direct. This story revealed the possible thoughts of one who is terminally ill and how they can't always be optimistic when they know that tapón they will pass on. Makes me hope the narrator lives to tell about Day 28.
ReplyDeleteI applaud you with being able to show that much emotion and depth with so little words. That's pretty powerful. People always see patients from the outside view, so I think it's great that you did something a little different and decided to take a journalistic approach that puts the reader in the speaker's head. This is incredibly sad, but is fantastic in that it really does open up minds to be more sympathetic to others who struggle. The potency of this piece is really appealing and effective, so well done and thanks for sharing it! -Christopher Kerwin
ReplyDeleteThis piece is incredibly well done. Informal, but not enough to seem sloppy or unintelligent. Constant tone and point of view, this truly was incredible. The topic is harrowing, but the nonchalance of the character is both soothing and disturbing. Thank you for putting us on a journey in such a short story.
ReplyDelete