Jenny--In Retrospect

In Retrospect

            I've always heard that you're entire life flashes before your eyes the second before you die. But how can one second possibly fit an entire lifetime of memories? Just imagine seeing it all at once, a golden gate swings open and all these memories and moments burst out while you drown, unable to take it all in. In that one second, I don't think it's our entire life that flashes, the only thing flashing is what we missed at first sight. We glanced over those quiet and random moments in our lives in which we don't really realize how they truly make up the big milestone that everyone's so focused on. It's hiding in the shadow of the great occasions and its behind all the birthdays that celebrate how we have experienced 365 more days than the next fellow.

            I remember looking up and seeing the most brilliant shade of blue. I sighed in awe, turning my head at every angle to catch and follow my favorite tropical fish of that one second dart by his glass kingdom. Completely surrounded, the tunnel stretched out as far as my eyes could see. I would tug on my dad's sleeve and point as the occasional sea turtle drifted by, scream when the sharks of all sizes sped by and laugh at the sting ray who hugged the thick glass exposing what looked like a welcoming smile on his pearly white stomach.

            And the smell of a fresh can of paint being rolled onto the floor mat a few weeks before the first competition. Smearing a thin layer of baby powder onto as much of the floor as possible afterwards so when everyone finishes folding it the paint doesn't stick together.

            Or my golden retriever's paws and the way they seemed like sandpaper after 6 years of walks, runs and high fives.

            My mind goes to Friday nights under the dazzling lights with all eyes on the field. Fixed on watching the tackles and touchdowns while the band plays on in the stands. I turn to look at my good friend as we begin drumming through a pep chart, we make eye contact as the second verse comes around and only the second time out of the three we smile at each other and in sync we scream "GO BIG RED" at the top of our lungs. My throat burns and my voice becomes scratchy after but we grin with accomplishment and play on until the very end each time.

            There is supposedly that one defining moment in our lifetime that tells us who we are and we spend our entire lives searching. Eventually this moment also gives us a pat on the back and holds up a bright yellow sign which reads, "Congratulations! You figured yourself out. You are now YOU! So you can stop figuring it out now". There should be more than one or 145 moments that make up our lives and are worth remembering. Moments don't make us who we are, a moment cannot become one unless we willingly put ourselves into them, shaping it to our own definition and our own power to effect the life we live. I've had my share of memories that I'll display on the highest shelf under a sparkling light where I spent my awhile achieving. But I'll always carry the simple things that gather up after awhile in my back pocket. When the time is right, I'll reach back and look at what I have forgotten inside and instead of starting from the beginning of my life I'll look at these moments and take a better look with that one second.