9:00 Am
My life at this point was just a daze. Where am I ? All i could hear was the waves slapping against each other. As i started to awaken i felt a steady sway. Im in a small black boat. Its not just me in the boat. There was a man . Also awakening. “Sir. Do you know where we are?” He said no words. He was dressed in a plain black shirt, white pants which seemed to have paint all over them. His hair was a dirty blonde. It seemed a little mentally strange to be in the middle of the sea with a peculiar man. He still said no words. I tried to speak to him more and more but all i heard was a murmur. The man seemed petrified. He didn't make an effort to make a conversation with me. The main question that still was in my mind was how did i get here. Although i did have many others. Was i abducted ? Who put me here? Following many more. I had cold feet. I was antsy . Choked up. With butterflies in my stomach. But why ? “ He had a yellow shirt on.” The man suddenly spoke ! I was anxious to get more information. “ Who was he? What did he look like? Did he say anything to you?’ So many questions for him he probably felt hesitant to answer all of them . He started to stutter. “His name was .....” What was his name! “Malcolm.” Malcom ? I dont know anyone by the name Malcom. Thunder. Then rain. It came rushing down. I began to look up. All of a sudden i just forgot about everything. Just staring in the mid air. I felt exasperated. I started to simply doze of. I could see the man stare at me while i dozed off in the middle of no where . Im Back. Up and running. As i began to awake i asked the man how long i was sleep. “ 20 minutes.” Thats it? I began to slowly work my way back into the conversation i had with the man. “ HHe wanted us ffor a special job.” Nothing was making sense to me. Maybe the man was telling a lie. I just didn't know it yet. I stopped asking questions. My main priority was getting off this boat now. With what. There was nothing on this boat but me and this peculiar man that barely even spoke . The waves constantly rocked the boat back and forth , back and forth , back and forth . Is there even a chance getting off this boat. Maybe i can swim to land and leave all this absurdity behind. But i see no land. Just waves while it still rains and the thunder cracks in the sky. Just get me out of
her. Why does this happen to me? What caused all of this to happen. “This is actually the truth,” The strange man says. And then i woke up at 9:00 am.
This was so interesting to read and it was very captivating! you're a great writer, keep it up :)
ReplyDeleteI really liked this, it was very interesting and mysterious. Good Job :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit confused as to what occurs but without a doubt I am intrigued by your story. Great imagery and vocabulary, I would love to continue this.
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me of the kind of dream where you wake up, but you wake up into another dream and then you actually wake up. It was a bit of a mind trip. I really like mind trips :)
ReplyDeleteThis definitely leaves the reader wondering what happened.
ReplyDeleteYour imagery was great! I felt like I was reading pages from a soon to be movie. Good Job ! (:
ReplyDeleteThis was something out of the usual, being a story that relates to the mysteries that occur to us over all our life.
ReplyDeleteI was drawn in from the very beginning and left wanting to know more, great job!
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive! It was an interesting and great story to read great job!
ReplyDeleteI like your use of short sentences for stylistic purposes. I think it really contributes to the conveyance of a tense atmosphere. Overall, the piece was very entertaining, and I found myself wanting to know what would happen next as I was reading it.
ReplyDeleteThis was very interesting to read! I was so caught up in the story. Keep it up!
ReplyDeletethis is really interesting, great use of imagery and vocabulary. good job! :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome poem! I loved all the descriptive language you used to describe your setting. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI thought this was really different and unique, it kept the reader on the edge and in suspense which was really good. I would add a little word variety though but it was really excellent!!!
ReplyDeletevery interesting, you pulled me in. Great story, good use of descriptive language. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour use of imagery is incaptivating! Iate up every word wanting to understand what was going on! But is she dreaming? Is that what's going on?
ReplyDeleteThis was so mysterious. Your a great poem writer. I loved your use of words. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteWow. it was very interesting and loved how you used your imagery and most of all it was entertaining
ReplyDeleteI like it! your details were great. I felt like I was on the boat. Your a great writer, Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThe imagery was great, helped me see the story. Nice one
ReplyDeleteGreat story very interesting. Kept me wondering what was going to happen next.
ReplyDeleteI was beginning to suspect this was a dream. It had that abstract feel. In the very last sentence, you said you woke up at 9AM and that's when everything became clear.
ReplyDeleteSure, everything was great, the imagery, the creativity, language, etc but you heard that 100 times already. This intriguing story is certainly an interesting one, but what happens? Who is the strange man, who is the narrator? Why is he on a ship? All these questions should be answered. You should continue the story next few months, try to finish it. It would be a tragedy to leave everyone with piece of what many people agree to be an amazing story. I hope you keep it up.
ReplyDeletevery interesting, good job
ReplyDeleteI was kept captivated throughout the story, I loved the confusion throughout and could sympathize with the narrator. The ending was also sufficiently jolting to warrant a rejuvenated intrigue into the story. Well done.
ReplyDeleteOhhh do I hate dreams like this and it relates to me that what makes it a good piece of literature. Great use of detail as well
ReplyDeleteYour creativity shows in both your dreams and your work! Very interesting descriptions, I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteI liked this story, I was very focused on the computer screen more than usual. Great descriptive skills!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how interesting this piece was. It kept me on the edge of my seat and I thought it was kind of mysterious.
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive imagery! It was such a captivating story with the speaker being stranded on the boat and not knowing what to do or how to escape. It seems like a dream, because you suddenly wake up from the dream not knowing who the person was or how you got there.
ReplyDeleteAmazing imagery and creativity. It was an amazing story overall.
ReplyDeleteThis was really interesting to read, you a such a great writer. I was interested the whole time I read this. I would really like to know what happens next, but other than that great job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece caught my attention instantly and left me wanting more. It was great and very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteThis was really interesting, and towards the end i was really excited to find out what was going to happen.. until you woke up haha
ReplyDeleteThis is a very mysterious piece of work it leaves people thinking.
ReplyDeleteExcellent use of imagery and detail! Really helps the reader step into this world and "feel" what you felt in this dream, nicely written!
ReplyDeleteThis one is really good..Good writer..so interesting though..
ReplyDeleteWoah, that was a trip. I felt like I was there, and I had to stop reading for a bit to ask myself what I'd actually do in this situation. Dreams are trippy. Haha, the details in this piece really gave this work rising suspense.
ReplyDeleteThis piece had great imagery and was mysterious yet,captivating! Great job!
ReplyDeleteBailey, this is such an intriguing piece! Everything is so captivating, and I'm left with so many questions. I would love to see another piece to answer the questions. Great work!!
ReplyDeleteThis story was very intriguing and I really wanted to know more about it! There were some parts where I got lost but then again, the main character was lost too! Great piece.
ReplyDeleteYou left everyone with a lot of questions, I think that's what makes it great because that's what really happens when you wake up from a dream. I'm assuming that's what it was, You always wake up when you are about to receive important information about the dream in the dream
ReplyDeleteYour story was captivating in so many ways. It made me wounder and think about whats going to happen next and then you just cut it off and let my imagination run wild.
ReplyDeleteI liked all the imagery very much keep me guessing what was going to happen next.
ReplyDeleteThis was a bit hard to comprehend in the beginning. It was weird but this was what kept me reading. It drew me in. I saw a couple of grammatical errors like when you used "i" rather than "I" at one point. Other than that this was fun to read. It shows imagination and creativity.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your work.
It was very interesting to read this and at first I thought this was a dream then at the end, it was clear what mean. Your use of imagery is captivating! I enjoyed this story and continue your hard work :)
ReplyDeleteWow! Amazing job. Your story uses so much imagery and syntax. It also keeps the reader alert and on the edge of their seat waiting for more and more. I loved it! Great work!
ReplyDeleteThis gives me a mysterious and suspenseful feeling. Very creative in your weird dream gets the head spinning a bit. Overall great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was interesting to read. A little confusing at some points but by the end I understood what was going on. I love the imagination and imagery that you employed here it made it an interesting read. I feel like it's one of those dreams you kind of remember after you wake up but not completely!
ReplyDeleteInteresting and great imagery :)
ReplyDeleteI was on the edge of my seat the whole time I kept scrolling down and when I got to the end I shouted whos malcom where is she I want to know how it ends but other than that way to catch my eye thats hard to do great piece.
ReplyDeleteThis story made me press the scroll down key and when I was finished I wanted to know more
ReplyDeleteThe first couple of lines got me hooked, interesting story the structure was really different.
ReplyDelete