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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Andrew


Nocturne
            Awake, life a fervent river, flowing throughout the mans body, the day began anew. The resonance of life in the malevolence that came to be quotidian in this realm, was as frigid waves sapping the heat of the flames of darkness. His consciousness, a dim light, in a ambiance of pitch black desperado. His footsteps, booming, cantankerous screeches upon the ancient silence. His breath, a warm exasperation upon the icy air, his heartbeat, a vociferous drum, beating in the death of the dormant world. His eyes opened to this death. Slits of light casting their glow, his mind grasped at the entirety of the world left to him. In lunacy, this sapient dream perplexed him, it enervated him, it brought life to his aching bones. Tears etched a redness across his face, life in miniscule beads showing themselves to the dread of the darkness. His body broken, beaten, tattered, his mind shattered, he looked to the sky, a conflagration of exotic flames, shades of black and blood stained the night sky as the fire burned, this fire raged on, setting the mans psyche ablaze, remnants of his past gripped him, and for that short time, he was human, but as that moment passed, he resumed his veracity in the barren, forsaken world.  He took his first steps in the forgotten land, his bare feet gnashed against the rubble, his face contorted in angst as the burning ash seared against his worn face. Concrete, glass, sheet metal, building blocks of civilization, rested in ruin, cast to oblivion in the flames of chaos, this world, rested upon a new order, one devised in larceny and duplicity, one fraught with the greed that perpetuated the very civilization it had consigned to destruction. The cries of self proclaimed transcendence pained as forgotten echoes, infernal flames of hate. He trudged across the landscape aimlessly, in hopes that he may designate a purpose in his hell.

88 comments:

  1. Your short story was exceedingly well written because it contain a lot of detail and diction. It made your short story very easy to picture in my mind which just makes it so much more interesting so thank you!

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  2. Your use of adjectives is wonderful. Almost every single thing mentioned in the story was then described and enhanced by your use of modifiers. Excellent work.

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  3. i LOVED the vocabulary in this piece. Every word seemed to be specifically chosen for the particular sentence and it was lovely to read something that made you think. Every word had so much meaning laced into it that the passage seemed so much longer than it really was. It was well written and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your writing :)

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  4. Your vocabulary is very well thought out and it's far more superior to my own, I had to look up some of your vocal words. All the way through it was an excellent piece of literature.

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  5. I feel as if you were truly careful with your diction because it intertwines the story together. It wholly contributes to your tale because it adds to another level of complexity. Great job!

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  6. I loved This..and i know most people are going to say that simply because its the first thing that popped in their head BUT not mine... The first thing I thought of was,"oh my gosh i just had a movie playing in my head'. This story was CRAZY! The vocabulary was amazing but i seemed to like the diction and rhyme scheme more because it brought the comforting feeling which made me enjoying reading it! TRUE MASTER PIECE!

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  7. Your use of adjectives was amazing overall great story

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  8. Very good choice in words, very descriptive. Great work!

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  9. Your use of vocabulary was exquisite! The choice of adjectives to describe every detail really made this piece of writing stand out. Like, "ambiance of pitch black desperado" and " a conflagration of exotic flames" Good job!

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  10. Although I had to read this slow, I felt as if I was meant to. The extensive vocabulary gave this piece and intense personality that was parallel to the subject described.

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  11. I truly don't know what to say..this piece was captivating! Your advanced vocabulary only made me want to read more, phrases such as "cantankerous screeches upon the ancient silence." Amazing word choice!

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  12. your choice of words and adjectives were spectacular, each brought it's own power to the table, I felt like I was in that hell with him. Overall really good and descriptive story.

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  13. Really intense word choice. The detail and imagery within the story constructed such a descriptive painting within my mind. Great job

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  14. your use of vocabulary is amazing! and there was a lot of detailed imagery
    which made the story interesting. :) Overall great work!

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  15. This was a great story. Your word choice was so advanced and descriptive that it was easy to visualize what was happening. Also, it was put together very well. Keep up the good work!

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  16. VERY POWERFUL WORDS!!! The strong vocabulary made me think of the story in my mind.

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  17. You were so descriptive and detailed, that I could easily picture the story in my head, nice!

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  18. I really liked the choice of words and how you explained everything in such detail. they words really caught my attention and made me want to read more.

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  19. Your use of diction was effective in that it contributed largely to the imagery of this text. Such techniques allowed me to envision your text at a larger scale and feel the emotions of your character. Great job and keep it up.

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  20. I was really captivated in the adjectives you chose to use. For example this sentence caught my attention with the word choice, "In lunacy, this sapient dream perplexed him, it enervated him, it brought life to his aching bones." You made me think and imagine a picture of your description in the sentence and I really like that. Plus, your piece was interesting in a way where I had to comprehend on the big image and the main message you express through it. Overall, I enjoyed reading your piece.

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  21. Good word choices. I felt as if I were actually there. Great job!

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  22. There was a lot of diction and descriptive adjectives. I had to look up a bunch of these words because I don't have this high of a vocabulary. Great job though! These words were placed in with purpose and I like how the title was in french, knowing you are very into different languages!

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  23. Excellent use of diction through out the entire piece. It drew me more and more into what the character had to deal with and made me feel as if i was right there with him. I especially felt the lines "his bare feet gnashed against the rubble" and "his face contorted in angst as the burning ash seared against his worn face." because they helped me imagine how trapped he must have felt, not being able to move anywhere as it would only further his already unbearable pain.

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  24. You've written this piece with such detail and vivid words. The imagery in this fictional piece is dark and it moves with such a motion that just makes my heart beat quickly. Wonderful job(:

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  25. This is an amazing piece of writing!! It was well written and very descriptive. I loved all the detail!

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  26. This was a great piece of work!! It was very well written and detailed

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  27. such great use of diction to covey a dark tone love the story!! your vocabulary is on point

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  28. Very nice description, Andrew. I particularly liked the line "life in miniscule beads showing themselves to the dread of the darkness."

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  29. This story was written in such a descriptive and complex manner through diction and imagery, that the story just shows how the very nature of man is leading him to create something that goes against his very own cause and purpose.

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  30. Nice story. Love the adjectives used (I didn't know some of the words you used existed until you wrote them). A very moving short story overall with a lot of emotion. Keep up the good work!

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  31. Very nice and well written story its very dark and twisted nice job.

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  32. The amount of description was fantastic! Also the variation of vocabulary was very helpful in creating an image!

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  33. Wow, Andrew! This piece is awesome and I enjoyed this piece because it is very well written and also the adjectives that you used. You wrote such very powerful words and it had a lot of emotion. Superb work! Overall, it was a great story & keep up the excellent work.

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  34. I loved the vocabulary you used and the similes you used in this short story . I like how you included such emotion in this piece. Great Job overall .

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  35. Great story! You used very nice detail in describing what was going on, it made me feel like I was there watching everything take place; it was exciting.

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  36. Is this post apocalyptic? Because this is terrifying and I would like not to meet this man.The adjectives were quite overwhelming and gave food for thought. After a while as I got into the rhythm of the story, it came to me that these would be excellent lyrics for a rap song! Good job!

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  37. Your story just made pictures come in my head of what was happening in the story. I love it when I read a story and I could just picture what im reading in my head. Great Job!!!!

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  38. Your use of diction was amazing. It seemed like every word was placed in the perfect spot to create such an image in which the reader feels like they are in hell with the character as well. Great job!

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  39. I like you usage of words they where perfect good job :)

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  40. Very well written! You used an abundance of vocabulary and figurative language, and I could really picture what was happening. Great Job!

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  41. I really liked the emotion in your story. Great piece of writing.

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  42. great vocabulary ! very detailed imagery ! Great Job .

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  43. I love the dark twist in the story and your wording. Some words I really didn't understand, but nevertheless good job!

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  44. You're use of imagery allowed me to imagine every detail and kept the story interesting. Your use of diction made this story really terrifying, yet intriguing. I couldn't stop reading. Great job!

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  45. Amazing piece! The way you used so many descriptive words made it very interesting!

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  46. There was so much great diction and detail used in every line ! I must say the dark imagery was very captivating. I wouldn't want to be where this guy is but you did a great job in keeping the story alive !

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  47. Excellent use of vocabulary. I really liked all the descriptive words you used to create such vivid images.

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  48. i like the use of your vocabulary, great imagery, I really liked this story. great work
    -Jaedon adan

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  49. This was great! The diction was chosen very well and it really added to your story.

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  50. wow just wow i was on the edge of my seat reading this one keep it up

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  51. Your use of diction really enhanced the story very well. It was well written and really brought me into the story fearing for my life with this character.

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  52. Very well written, vivid story. Great introduction really interested me, wanting to know more.

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  53. Great diction and imagery, the story demonstrate the size of your dictionary through the vast readings you have done in the past. The story is a masterpiece because it pulls the reader to the setting through excellent imagery.

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  54. Your word choice was amazing! Even with words I did not know, your use of context helped it flow and I stayed entranced. Wonderful story!

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  55. Excellent imagery in this piece. It worked very well with the appeal to the senses throughout the story. Good read, great job!

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  56. The detail embedded in the story really gives a sort of connection to the reader, as if they were actually there. Your use of adjectives gives this piece the sort of descriptive language that is key to your story.

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  57. Dark... i like it great imagery:D !!

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  58. This is a really great piece. I enjoyed the imagery and diction that you used, I think that it helped develop your story and make it more vivid and enjoyable for the readers.

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  59. I really liked your use of detail and description. I felt like i was an observer in the story.

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  60. The detail and explanation in you writing is very entreating and pulls the reader in and makes it so you want to keep reading

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  61. You did a great job of telling a story through context clues and imagery instead of blatantly saying what was going on! Good work!

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  62. I was brought into this piece and I connected with. I felt the images explained and I feel for the main character. Great use of imagery.

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  63. Your word choice was excellent and kept me wanting to know about this place and the character.

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  64. Very good story!! Your use of dark imagery really made me feel like I could see and feel the flames.

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  65. I love this. I love the way you personified his character rather than the man himself. I love your diction. I love the repetition, and the way you described everything that is going on rather than what is happening to him.
    A tip, though, mate. Maybe a quick proofread would help. Also, try to shorten your paragraphs to about twelve lines max; the longer your paragraphs tend to be, the less likely a reader might read your story for two reasons: length, and the possibility it might tire their eyes. (Or they're plain lazy, but you know.)

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  66. Love the vocabulary. It really adds to the imagery effect and makes it all so much more specific. I could clearly picture the forsaken world and the rawness of the character. I love how you portrayed an instinctual perspective of the human nature

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  67. The short story was really good. It had great diction and was very descriptive. It had lots of imagery, that i could imagine the whole setting and what is going on.

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  68. Great descriptions. The vocabulary really brought out the story and intrigued me. Great piece of writing.

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  69. it was very good! great on being descriptive and imagery! great job!

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  70. This was written exceedingly well and the diction and detail used painted this grand picture of a tragic world.
    -Martin Landaeta

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  71. Story is great and uses amazing imagery

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  72. This was an amazing piece! I was so impressed! The use of diction was great. THe punctuation was even better! It really sent the tone for the story!

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  73. Great story! I really enjoyed the vivid imagery. The story kept me interested by continually using diction to describe the events.

    -Lauren Waitman

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  74. This piece is wonderful! Your use of adjectives and imagery really pull the reader into the story. Great work!

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  75. Awesome! Your extensive use of imagery really intrigued me, as I'm sure it did for others as well. I felt like I was there. Keep up the great work, and keep doing a great job of playing with the senses! You do it so well!

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  76. Holy moly Andrew. Everything about this was just amazing. The way your wording appealed to my senses has gotten me addicted to your works. I hope you write more so I can continue being amazed.

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  77. Your word choice provoked thought and stimulated an interest, very well written. The abundance of pictures that were painted by your words were very creative and detailed.

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  78. i love your intro and the imagery

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  79. Your choice of vocabulary had the biggest effect on me as soon as I started reading your paper. I admit I had to look up a few words to understand the meaning of the story.

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  80. I love how this was written. There is amazing imagery and descriptive writing, this made me want to keep reading. good job.

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  81. great job! I appreciate and admire how much detail and vivid imagery you included in this piece! your diction seriously brought this story to life and I really felt like I was actually in the story! Keep up the great work. (:

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  82. wonderfully vivid and detailed as well as beautifully executed

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  83. Well written ! Love the diction applied to your story

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  84. The imagery that you used made the narrative come to life. I felt like I could clearly see every step after every line.

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  85. The vocabulary was outstanding! It shows how much words can make a story come "alive", so vivid and creepy! -Bernadine

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  86. I really loved your vocabulary made the story 10x better! Great job

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  87. It's great! So many example of imagery and descriptions. It keeps you alert and wanting to keep reading. Also your use of vocabulary is so profound and amazes me! Great Job!

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