Mother--Kara

 

     Every night while doing calculus, my mom calls for me outside my room. I reluctantly open the door preparing myself for either a tight hug or a reminder to clean my room when she sees the mess. “Come give your mother a hug!” she beamed and I am hit with “I love my baby!” a million times. I got lucky this time. However, everytime she does this I am filled with the feeling of dread knowing the fact she would hate me if I ever came out. I have seen her face of hatred and heard her unaccepting words and wondered what kind of a mother could feel that way to a child they have cared for so much. Is there more than just unconditional love that makes a mother? 

     At its core, the word “mother” is a female parent or someone who has given birth to or raised a child. Biologically, mothers play a crucial role in the creation of life, gifting us with a breathing body and a beating heart, and can take that gift away when you give her some attitude. Similarly, a mother is someone who provides comfort and security, rather than fulfilling basic needs like food. Although providing comfort may not seem like a biological definition for a mother, the Harlow studies prove otherwise. In this experiment, infant monkeys were separated from their mothers after birth and put in cages with two substitute mothers, one made of wire and provided milk and one covered in soft terry cloth with no milk. Every monkey preferred the terry cloth mother because of the comfort they provided, regardless of the presence of milk. Even monkeys know the difference between the traits of a real mother and someone that just provides sustenance. 

    However, this word transcends beyond biological ties. A mother does more than nurturing and caring for her children. A mother is someone who has made unimaginable sacrifices just so her child has a chance at a greater life than she had. A mother wakes up at the crack of dawn to make you breakfast so you have the luxury of sleeping in. When you call a mother to help you find something you had spent hours looking for, she will find that object in seconds and teach you to “look with your eyes, not your mouth.” A mother asks you where you get your pretty face from (she wants you to say you got it from her). When it is your first time driving, a mother will start screaming when you press on the gas. A mother is someone who will go out of their way to teach you her faith and values, hoping we live up to the standards society has set for us. She fears that you will throw it all away and forget your traditional values and pursue a life she does not approve of. A mother is someone who will be slow to understand. 

     Ultimately, a mother is someone who will show you unconditional love in her own way. Although my mother may take a while to love who I am, my mother is someone who is irreplaceable. I need to be patient with her as she had been with me, then maybe she can be someone who does not discard me like a broken doll, but finds something in me to love. 

Mcleod, Saul. “Harry Harlow Monkey Experiments: Cloth Mother vs Wire Mother.” Simply Psychology, 15 June 2023, www.simplypsychology.org/harlow-monkey.html#Conclusions.