Home is Not a Place--Lani

Throughout the entirety of my life, I have always looked up to my dad. He kept us safe, he worked day and night to provide our family with food and a house, and most of all he is the strongest man I know. This made it a hundred times harder to see him suffer in the hospital for three months straight with sepsis. Who knew popping a small pimple could have led to my dad coming way too close to the end of his life.

In August of 2018, I had just started the seventh grade and I was terrified because it was the first time I was alone at school with neither my mom working on campus or my sister just across the hall. When I thought the stress couldn’t get worse, my mom sat my siblings and I down one Tuesday night and told us that our dad was in the hospital. Internally freaking out, my mind went to the worst and I assumed he had cancer, considering it ran in our family. But my mom put on her strongest face for us and tried to explain to us what sepsis was, despite her being terrified for her husband’s safety as well. She told us that we could visit him after school that week and reassured us that dad would be okay, even though there was no way to know for certain. The next day, we visited him in the hospital, and despite looking weaker and practically bedridden, our dad tried his best to reassure us that he would be fine with his usual jokes to make us smile. However, I could tell that he was still much weaker than he was normally, which took a larger toll on me than I would have thought. I hurried off to the bathroom in my dad’s hospital room and quickly locked the door. I remember not even being able to make it to the toilet before I broke down into tears: what would I ever do without my dad? Twelve-year old me couldn’t fathom the thought of someone as strong as her dad being in such a vulnerable position, and she didn’t even want to begin imagining what would happen if the worst occurred. As tears flooded down my cheeks, I heard my mom say, “Lani, come out we’re going to take a family picture!” and I wiped my face with my sleeve as I rushed out of the bathroom.

Over the next few weeks, when my family couldn’t have been even more stressed, the landlord of our previously rented house contacted my parents and informed them that our rent was being increased by $2,000. At the time, my mom had been doing a small baking business from home and my dad was our main income, but due to his condition, he was put on leave for around six months. We were nearly at a loss for what to do. My mom spent the rest of the month searching on Zillow for homes that were renting, still in our school district, and that were in our budget. She came across a variety of houses that fit our criteria, but all of them rejected us. They claimed that they did not want to rent out their house to a family with “a lot of kids,” and granted my siblings and I were still very young at the time, but after very rejection, it was just like a punch in the gut. After weeks of looking and frantic packing, we finally found a promising house that did fit all of our criteria, and thankfully they accepted us! A weight was lifted off my parents’ shoulders and my siblings and I were so excited to move into a new house! Fantasizing about our large living room and the community pool down the street, we couldn’t help but look on the bright side. However, with putting a down payment on the house and the cost of U-Hauls, my family was greatly struggling financially. Such a large blow to the money that supported my family of 8, including my grandfather who lived with us for nearly my entire life, forced my family to adapt. From only 1-2 meals a day to very limited house supplies, my family was struggling. I felt helpless and at a loss for how to relieve the stress on my parents. However, my aunts and uncles supported us. They offered to come and treat us to dinner every once in a while at our new house and they even offered to provide us with minor house supplies like paper towels and toilet paper. 

As our family supported us with unconditional love, it truly made me realize that a house is not the same thing as a home. A house is simply shelter that has walls and a roof. But a home is not a place or a wooden box with a door, and rather it is an environment that makes you feel as if you are worth the love that you are given. Without the support or reassurance from my entire family, we would not have survived. Twelve-year old me truly learned the importance of family and though this situation was extremely distressing, it taught me the importance of trust. Not just trusting that my family has my back, but also trusting that things will always work out in the long run.