Forgiveness--Sandra

 

“I’m sorry,” were the words my classmate and I had to say to each other in the fourth grade, as my teacher forced us to make up with each other after arguing. Followed by “It’s okay,” because we are taught to always “forgive and forget.” The word “sorry” is thought to be strong enough to right any wrongs. However, in my household, I was told “sorry means nothing.” As a child, hearing this felt absolute. I grew up giving very few second chances. Whether it be another person being rude to me, or others accidentally hurting my feelings, I refused to “forgive and forget.”

For as long as I can remember, I correlated forgiveness as a sign of weakness. Forgiving someone meant allowing them to hurt me again. At least, that was my thought process. This mindset cost me many relationships throughout the years. Because of this, I always thought it was natural for friendships to always come and go. I always believed that no relationship would last. This was until I began making friendships that I did not want to end. And I realized that if I wanted to keep them, I needed to forgive them if things went wrong. I realized that I wanted a friendship that can last when I make mistakes, and friendships that are forgiving and understand that I’m still growing. I decided that I do not want the idea of “forgiveness is a sign of weakness” to follow me throughout the rest of my life.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary website, the word “forgive” is defined as “to stop blaming or being mad at someone for something that person has done, or not punish them for something.” Forgiveness is not a weakness because it’s a strength that can be difficult to achieve at first. Despite the arguments I had with my closest friends, we always forgave. But we never forget since we used each other as a way to learn and grow. Because of this, I have grown to treasure the relationships I have today.

If I continued with the mindset I grew up with, I would have never forgiven anyone, which would have resulted in long-time grudges for the rest of my life. A grudge is a big, heavy rock on our shoulders and a bitter taste left over in our mouths. Grudges are the result of the lack of forgiveness we have. There can be many ways to cause you to hold a grudge. One of them is being betrayed by someone you treasure. And these feelings can easily consume you. According to the Mayo Clinic, “If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by bitterness or a sense of injustice.” The feeling of injustice tends to take over and soon you forget why you were so hurt in the first place. A grudge is a powerful emotion that can easily swallow you. However, forgiveness can prevent these complex emotions from getting this extreme.

Forgiveness can be difficult, especially if the other person doesn’t realize how much they caused you pain. Forgiving can take time, but once you get there, you can finally feel at peace without

any unnecessary negative emotions to hinder you. Forgiveness takes time, and I am still learning it. I was taught that the word “sorry" meant nothing and that it had no meaning behind it. But it’s the first step to forgiveness, and if I want to keep the people around me, I need to say “It’s okay. Really, I forgive you.”