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Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Soldier's Tale--Nicholas


“Dear Olivia, it’s extremely cold down here in Virginia. We have heard no news about
the confederates in a long while and are doubting they’ll fall through with their plans. I love you very much Olie tell William and Liam I miss them and love them very much. I know young Will is still in Georgia working to be an officer so if you could give him the good news it would be much obliged. P.S. Captain told you to take it easy on my when i get home”Love, your dearest husband, William H. Bradley. 

The lights are low and I can still hear the privates squawking a storm about how to correctly put together a rifle. Being a sergeant in the army gets very routine. You wake up, grab some breakfast, make sure another fight doesn’t break out between the bloodthirsty enlisted young men, and then maybe play a game of checkers. However this night felt different, the air was colder, the beds were stiffer, and the moon was darker. I try to rest my eyes but I can’t get the thoughts of my family running around our house in New York out of my head. But like my mother used to say’ “Will, just go ‘head and count them sheeps, you’ll be fine.” Finally some rest. 

“Billy! Wake up you fool, you didn’t forget about our Sunday plans now did ya’?” That’s captain two beers a loud old man that loves everything about war and the army.
“Awe capt. I’m sorry, I just figured you weren’t ready to lose again in checkers now was ya’?”
“You’re on Bradley.” 
 
Captain Two Beers loved checkers, I think he loved it so much because it reminded him of his favorite thing in the planet, war. He would always exclaim, “you know Billy, Checkers is just like war, you have to think about when the enemy is going to attack but you first must make a move.” Now I thought this was ironic because Captain always said, “we would attack after the Graybacks invaded us.” 

The game as usual takes forever because I never take a shot that will affect me in the end. Captain two beers is surprisingly the same way and our games always run half a chance for both of us. Then capt. Soon starts to scream about how I took a piece off the board and how that king wasn’t right there then boom... 

Captain two beers waits, “Did you hear that Bill? It felt as if a quake had hit our land.” Then another roar of a cannon firing sounds off, and in the background we hear, “The gray’s are approaching! 

The day has finally come, the anxious privates run out and the fire scatters all across the land. Yet I can’t move, the bodies lie and the ashes rain down. I’ve been here before but nothing like this. General Grant shakes me ferociously, “Bradley you fool! Grab your rifle and get moving.” My feet have never felt heavier, my mind has never forgotten how to cock my weapon, and I’ve forgotten how horrific the sight of war is. Running like a mad man I see the bodies of our men pile like bricks, and I hear each scream knowing they’re not coming home, which made me think about home. I finally get to my position and as the bullets pass by I’m only thinking
about my wife and two grown boys. However courage takes over and I remember why I came back in the first place, to serve my country as if I were the only man left standing. I peek my head and see a young man mistakenly showing his back to our line and crack! The weapon sounds, and the delay is heart-wrenching, than soon the body falls. It fell like a newly grown tree cut down from a careless lumberjack. The battle continues yet I don’t fire my weapon again, I look at the body of the young boy that just hit the ground and my eyes cannot stray away. Finally, the smoke clears and the Graybacks retreat, the first victory for the North yet my mind won’t allow me to celebrate because my eyes are seemingly fixed on this boy. As we walk the grounds I get closer and closer, the face gets more familiar and the dried tears from him crying from the pain are visible. I fall to my knees and scream the most heartbroken scream that has taken place on this field. In the distance General Grant and the Captain run to my need not knowing what has hit me and yet, they stop running. I hear the footsteps stop and General Grant saying to me, “Come on Billy it’s just another gray.” and Captain Two Beers with a sense of disparity, “General that’s Bradley’s son Will.” and Grant with a pause states, “Captain I believe it is time Sergeant Bradley can return home.”

50 comments:

  1. I absolutely loved this story. The way in which you wrote really gave insight to the mid of your character. Once I got into around the third paragraph I expected it to turn into Bradley dying in the war. I did not expect the plot twist at the end. I love how you took into the fact that some sons and family would be separated during the war. How families would have two sons would send each to one side so that they'd have a better chance of at least one returning home. I honestly teared up at the fact that he had killed his own son and did not see it coming. This was so wonderfully written, I absolutely adore it. - Ricky Gomez

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    1. Thank you very much Ricky, I'm overwhelmed you enjoyed the story as much as you did. I'm looking forward to reading yours in the later part in the school year.

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  2. This was really good! I enjoyed it a lot, and the storytelling is phenomenal, very well done. There is a lot of imagery and it all makes it seem very realistic, so I was really into it until the end.

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  3. Your story's tone is very captivating. Your writing skills are really admirable & you have a very creative mind. Great story! -Krystal A

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  4. Nicholas,
    I liked that you opened the story with a letter from Sergeant Bradley to his wife. This, combined with the use of the first person perspective, helped to convey the reasoning behind his actions: to serve his country, then return to his family. I also enjoyed the suspense you built in the second paragraph. I foresaw the grays attacking first, but I never suspected Bradley would end up killing his son, who ironically was one of the reasons he fired in the first place. All in all, I found this piece highly entertaining! -Lauren Whightsil

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  5. I absolutely loved the story. There was so much imagery that it made me think that I was standing in between the war. I love the plot twist at the end, it almost made me cry. Great Job
    -Briana Santana

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  6. The end of the story was really heartbreaking, I did not expect that an individual would pass away with many individuals to morn. With the speaker's tone, it engulfed the heartbreak which helps capture the readers' minds to keep on reading. - Amy Lau

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  7. After reading this wonderfully written short story it made me really think about what we go to war for, how such tragic things can actually happen, and what our soldiers and their families are really sacrificing at war. I know she's not really mentioned in the story but I can't imagine the mother's reaction when her husband will have to tell her he shot their own son.
    Lexuss C.

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  8. After reading this story I couldn't help but to think about what soldiers and their families are really sacrificing when they go to war. I know she wasn't really mentioned but I can't even begin to imagine what the mother's reaction will be when her husband will have to tell her he shot their own son or how could he even find the strength left to tell her.

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  9. This story was absolutely amazing and I loved everything about it! The way you incorporated such vivid imagery made me feel as if I was actually in the story. I was racing to the end to find out what was going on and once I read those words, I gasped because it was greatly unexpected. You are an amazing writer with great potential and I loved this piece!

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  10. Wow Nicholas I really liked your flash fiction. Reading this made me feel that I was actually in the Civil War experiencing the battle and trauma that was inflicted upon Bradley. Bradley was another basis as to why I liked it, he was a family man just trying to get back home. Keep up the good writing.-Giancarlo G

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  11. From the start, you have set a wonderful tone and image of the characters. I love how real you've made the characters. Using slang in the character's dialogue, captures the time period and setting, as well as their characteristics. You've took me back at the end, I would not expect that Bradley would mistakenly kill Will, thinking that he was one of the Graybacks. This was wonderfully done! -Tiffany Soetojo

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  12. Nick this is an amazing story!!! I love how you used a lot of figurative language like imagery and smilies because that made me instantly feel like I were actually in the story watching everything happen. You also had really good sentence flow which kept me glued to the storyline.������ -Ayo Latinwo

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  13. The story's closing was my favorite. The Sergeant's odd inability to act was very ominous; it reminded me of a parent's instinct/intuition. The scene when the young man made a 'rookie mistake' was already heartbreaking, but the fact it was the Sergeant's son made it devastating. It was a great plot twist.
    -Megan Kukwa

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  14. Wow! This is amazing. The plot twist, the imagery was amazing!! I love the general tone and the way this story is written. Bradley seems like such a relatable character! I enjoyed every detail till the very end!! -Mercedes Bradford

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  16. What an intriguing piece of work. Your diction helped the piece establish the feel of the late 19th century Civil War era. I also felt as if I too were seeing and experiencing the battle and how it affected Bradley. Nice usuage of imagery as well.

    -Akunna Chilaka

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  17. Great story! I thought you did a great job on the setting of the time period, really reminding people how it was back in the days of the Civil War. From writing letters to families, not knowing what tomorrow holds in store, and the mood of the people and soldiers of the time period. Also I really liked how you described that first moment of combat, you used a great use of imagery and figurative language to really describe the carnage and fear of war. - Brendan Sweeney

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  18. Amazing story, Nicholas. I loved the imagery you used in the story, and it really helped capture the feeling and atmopshere of war and made me feel as if I was Bradley's shoes. The details and depth you gave to some of the characters, even in a short story like this was fantastic as well. Wonderful story with an unexpected twist at the end! -Daniel Recinos

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  19. Nick the story kept me thinking from the begging to the very end. The way that you opened the story in the format of a letter to his wife really give me that emotional connection with William and to how he felt. The plot twist at the end really turned the entire story around for me and it was fantastic!!! I really loved your story. - Oved Renteria

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  20. Very well thought out story, good use of literary devices, the plot twist, etc etc etc. Complaints are far and few between. . A gripping tale. Good job

    -Jordan S

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  21. When I first started reading, I was curious how it would end. My first impressions led me to think this was a simple letter being sent to home about the life of living in a war. I got caught off guard when the letter ended quickly and now I was in the war. The pace keeps the same soft rhythm that was in the letter and I was put at ease thinking nothing interesting would happen. The shock of the battle coming right now after the speaker stating they probably would not have come jumped at me, catching my attention. As I attentively read the rest of the story, I would have never thought of the twist that brings this to a close. I congratulate you on writing this great piece of fiction.

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  23. I absolutely loved this story. This story had grabbed my attention from the beginning and I was intrigued the whole time. At the ending, with the plot twist was just unexpected and I had just got emotionally attached to this story, so I enjoyed the story very much. -Krystal Edwards

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  24. I enjoyed this story very much from the beginning to the end. I automatically got emotionally attached to this story so the end had just broke my heart, but this story was amazing, with the way it was set up and just the whole outline was outstanding. -Krystal Edwards

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  25. Your use of imagery is amazing! This piece felt like i was reading it right from out of a text book, the whole story overall was outstanding, the way you used your diction made me feel like I knew bradley, I can't emphasize how shocked I was at the ending.

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  26. I absolutely love your writing style, Nicholas. The intimate details of the sergeant's life in the war caused me to root for him, despite the brevity of the story. Also, your vivid description of the battle and contextually sound language made the time period come alive for me. I am still reeling over the ending, fantastic job!

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  27. I really love how your story gives it a feel of the past using diction. Not only that but the story overall is very interesting how the story twists! - Anthony Morales

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  28. I really enjoyed how u dragged the reader into the story with such admirable writing skills. You completely caught me off guard with the plot twist which shaped for a really interesting story.

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  29. What a compelling piece! The climax of the story had me on edge,accompanied by a strong amount of literary devices to bring out the gritty environment of the military, along with interesting portions of dialogue.

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  30. Really liked that story, even though it was a short story you could see the personalities of each character develop, but did not expect that ending whatsoever, that story took a huge turn and i loved it, great story overall keep it up.
    - Michael Hernandez

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  31. This piece was very well written. I loved the use of imagery, as I was reading, I felt as if I was standing right next to Sargeant Bradley' as everything was happening. I also loved how the written work stayed true to its setting especially with your excellent use of diction because it portrayed what war is like. Lastly, after getting to the ending, I was a little upset, because I want to know how his son got there. :( However, overall, this was a very well written piece, so, well done! :)
    -Lynelle Elhajjmoussa

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  32. Great Story! The imagery of the surrounding environment of Bradley during war was really detailed. It traveled the reader to that time. i like how the tone started as casual and then turned into a more dark and mournful tone. It was a good choice to have the diction of Bradley and Captain Two Beers. P.S. i loved the tragic ending.
    -Unity Montalvo

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  33. I really enjoyed reading your story. The tone shift was unexpected and it really affected my emotions towards the characters. It's a familiar story setting, but with a really original style. The descriptive language and the opening letter really stood out to me, and all of the factors came together to make it a really interesting little story. -Fatima J.

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  34. Wow. This story left my jaw dropped, I loved the plot twist at the end. Good use of jargon and foreshadowing! -Tatiana Nunez Per. 3

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  35. This was an amazing story. There was so much imagery that it made it very easy to picture the events that were taking place. Also it was very detailed and had great diction
    -lizzie griffin

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  36. The entire story was filled with emotion. It allowed me to really see and connect with the experiences and emotions of war. Even though the era of this story was written during the Civil War, Bradley's fear of the horrors of war and bloodshed shed light on today's soldiers and veterans living through the same trauma. This story was definitely an eye-opener into the life of a soldier. - Kenneth Chen

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  37. As I was reading the story, I felt a sort - of tragic air throughout though I couldn't quite pinpoint it. However, when you introduced the game of checkers compared to war, it took my mind off of it. That's why the twist ending hit me so unexpectedly. Great plot leading up to the end, great usage of comparisons and overall amazing writing!
    -Behrouz Khokhar

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  38. This was quite an interesting story. I enjoyed the opener in which it was a letter directed to Bradley's wife. It made instantly made a personal connection a feel of empathy between the speaker and the reader. I also enjoyed the metaphor used to describe how checkers is very closely related to war. Overall it was a great piece and would enjoy more content similar to this.
    -Luke Jaramillo

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  39. I loved the plot twist at the end of the story it took me by suprise. This piece was written so well with wonderful imagery. I felt as if I was there. I also enjoyed the different personalities illustrated within this short story. Very well written.

    Candice Velasco

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  40. This was such a well written beautiful story, i love how the tone suddenly shifted from care free to frightening and overwhelment. Your diction was also very clear especially mixed in with imagery. I enjoyed reading it mostly because you really made me feel like i was a part of this world.

    -Sasha Hodder

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  41. I love the figurative language and smilies used in the story it really brings the story to life and makes readers really get tied into the passage, the rhetorical distance represented through the letter really gives the reader that emotional connection as well so great story!
    -Kylee Klein

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  42. Great job on the figurative language, as well as the rhetorical distance established through the letter, it really gives the reader an emotional connection to the passage and the characters in it as well! Nice story!

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  43. Instantly when I began reading I thought about my eighth grade history project on the book "April Morning" by Howard Fast. Since I made that sort of time period connection with the terminology of "confederates" the story had clear occasion. Your use of imagery is pretty powerful, so good job on that.

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  44. Wow, I thought this story was extremely captivating. I loved the figurative language used and the story behind it all. It really puts you in the perspective of the speaker, and allows us to experience his thoughts and feelings. I find it difficult to write about this time period in particular, so I really admire the fact you were able to make it seen so genuine. I loved it!
    -Breann Lee

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  45. This was a great story! I can see you have a passion for writing stories and if you don't well you are very good at it! Definitely a talent in the palm of your hard, literally. Great piece!

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  46. Nicholas, this piece was beyond what I had expected. From the first paragraph, filled with so much detail and description, I really felt as though I was apart of the story. The suspense all in which led up to the death of his son had me beyond dumbfounded and filled with emotion. Overall, I loved how you captivated this piece and think that you are an admirable writer.
    -Savannah Diaz

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  47. I really enjoyed how this piece used some dialect to bring the reader to the situation. This was a great piece! Great job! - Altierre Paris

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  48. the letter at the beginning of the story really hooked me in. I like how you explained life in the military during war times. I also liked how you explained war through checkers. the ending caught me off guard, i was thinking he was going to die or get badly injured. how he killed his son was mind blowing.

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  49. I give you big props for writing in this time period because for me it would have been VERY tricky so shouts out to you! I loved the quote you opened with, it immediately caught my attention because it felt so genuine and real. The imagery within the story was great it helps your readers imagine what is taking place throughout the story and made the story feel very real which i appreciate very much in writing. Lastly, the suspense you added to the story was very creative you definitely had me on my toes. You did a very good job with this piece.
    -Rachel Adzaho

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