( noises in the background, bangs everywhere happening from panic) WAIT PLEASE, DON’T TELL ME THAT SHE …
Dec 13,2005
5:47pm Just Breathe, it’s fine, you’ll be fine
Dec 14
4:30pm It’s okay, you’ll be okay, everything will be okay
Dec 15
2:45am Help! Helpppp!
Dec 16
10:45pm You don’t think I can do it huh?!?
Dec 17
6:12 am You’re just wasting time
Dec 18
5:53am Today is the day…
6:40 am
It’s cold. Today is probably, maybe 0°C, might as well wear some yellow shorts and a loose white tee because it wouldn’t matter soon will it? I can’t help but blame myself. I blame myself for not putting in enough effort. Getting that F really opened my eyes, I am a failure. I am a disgrace.In reality, I am just a little dust that not many will notice if I am gone, right? Being that dust, was a real big pleasure, hopefully I left some good impression that will stick with them forever.
7:19 am
“Hey siri,note this in my diary. It is currently 7:19, I am walking to multiple houses to say my goodbyes. I mean I can’t just leave without stating my farewells.”
7:30am
I’m now at Jeff’s house. We’re just drinking some tea. I just told Jeff the news and well, sorry to break it to you but he broke down and started crying. He might have choked on some tea when he heard the news.
7:55am
Well, I’m now walking to Kee’s house, and well Kee is one of the ones I am going to miss dearly, I can’t believe I am really leaving Kee. Wow.. Anyways I am about to tell him, hopefully he takes it well and understands me.
8:00am
Kee is punching some walls, I’m scared, I don’t know. Help.
8:24am
I just left Kee’s house and you know everything seems a bit slanted. I’m scared. Can someone come please..?
9:00am
Siri, where am i? “You are in the Levante Hospital, located on 353-” OK THANK YOU SIRI
9:29am
Well I knew I was gonna get hurt today, but not end up like this. Anyways diary, I am gonna try to sneak out of here and go to the roof, it’s about time.
10:45am
WOW , that was a long way up, soo this might be my last entry, um whoever is reading this I would like to say:
“Dear reader,
Hi hello my name is Annie, I am currently 16 years old and well I want to stop this all. Why? Well, every since I was little, my family have always been there for me, believe in me, appreciate me, and much more. We go from family tag to hide and seek, all the memories I contain of them are just so breathtaking. However, recently, I have disappointed them. I recently got my report card, and well you guessed it, I failed a class, yup the ugly letter, F. When they saw my grade, it was like a whole new face of disappoint I have never encountered. I know I made a mistake, but I really just don’t know how to make it up. Kee is my boyfriend and I told him that I am just done with everything. Even though he keeps repeating, “It’ll be ok, everything will be fine”, I just don’t know if I can hold on any longer. Anyways, today is the day, I am letting this petite dust go. I, Annie Will, am ready to be set free and fly away like a bird. Thank you for taking your time reading this, and family, if you read this, I love you with my whole heart, thank you for a lifetime of happiness, I am so sorry that I have failed you and please do not be in deep sorrow when you receive this diary. I will forever be loving you Will family. This little microscopic dust will now fly away, And I am wishing I left a micro spot in your heart. Thank you for a wonderful life.
Yours truly,
Annie Will “
What Annie did was horrible and very mournful, but you must know that she was bullied by her “friends”, pushed around like she was a piece of trash. However, do not forget, there is always someone supporting you, and will get you through it. Accept yourself and love yourself. What am i? I am beautiful. I am accepting I am wanted. I am me.
Vivian, this is amazing! The diary entries in the beginning helped to speed up the read, as the entries got more in tense so did the quickness of my reading, I just wanted to keep going and see what would happen to Annie. The feeling of being a failure and not living up to expectations is on that I know all too well and to see a character in a story take it as far as killing herself just scared me and made me realize that I need to be there for those who need my support in a lot of situations. The end of the story tied it up really well and conveyed the meaning of your story beautifully. Well done, Vivian!!
ReplyDeleteThis hits deep for so many readers including myself. i liked the writing style of the diary passages because it felt more intimate. -Rachel Smith
ReplyDeleteThis piece is amazing! The diary log really expresses how the person is in distress. I really like the last stanza because it showed that she killed herself for something more than just failing and I love the last sentence of the piece because it shows the confidence you have and the confidence other people should have.
ReplyDelete-Matthew Jimenez
Aw, I'm glad you caught the last sentence. That was the part where I wanted to tie everything together.
Delete-Vivian Chiang
The message behind this piece is beautiful. This is one of those pieces that I hope can bring awareness and comfort to those in need. I enjoyed the way you set up the story and how real the timeline of the diary entries seem. This is an overall amazing piece that I wanted to continue reading but was reluctant to know how it could possibly end.
ReplyDeleteThis was an outstanding story. You can clearly see and feel Annie's anguish and suffering because....well haven't we all been there at some point in our lives? Getting an F, or going through something personal, is very distressing. That's why I love the ending. It's reminding you that there will always be someone there for you, and that you are worth more and better than you or anyone else thinks. Amazing Job!
ReplyDeleteOh Vivian, This story made my heart drop...this poor girl committed suicide because she failed a class. I wish she could could have talked it over with her family, I'm sure they would have forgiven her. I enjoy your use of a diary logs on an Iphone to convey as it helped me to connect with your main character.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very deep and emotional piece and I love the message at the end on to love and accept yourself while knowing there is someone out there who will always stay supporting. The diary entries also made this piece seem very real and connected me to the speaker more.
ReplyDeleteLove the structure and format of this piece to replicate a journal diary. It gives off a stronger and personal effect for readers to truly understand the speaker's internal thoughts and feelings.
ReplyDeleteVivian, I loved the structure of your piece, especially the ending! I think the message you sent through your last sentences was truly uplifting and positive!
ReplyDeleteThis was so deep I liked the format you put it in. You conveyed the meaning of your piece at the end which was good. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThe diary entries were iconic. So deep and emotional, they make the reader want to keep going. The ending slows the pace down for the message to actually take effect and it was very good! Amazing work!
ReplyDeleteThis piece is amazing! From the message to the diary entry as well as information at the end as to why. The diary entry's really brought in the meaning of the piece and allowed the reader to know what she was going through.
ReplyDeleteI really like how it started with the diary entries because it immediately sets it up so you feel a sense of urgency and anxiety, like "oh no, what's going on??" I feel like it really captures those thoughts of panic that eventually turn into the resigned "well it doesn't matter anymore" type of thoughts with the 6:40 am entry that really express how suicidal people think. I really love the last paragraph because it acknowledges Annie's struggles but then it turns around and says "hey, it doesn't have to end this way" which I think brings a little bit of hope into a really dark situation. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteDang. In such a time of high stress where many of us feel pressure coming from others with college coming soon and such high expectations, the ending is a very important reminder that is made to be of much importance by your well written story before. Great piece.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredibly written honestly, the structure of your piece as diary entries make this read easy to connect to. The way you structured it made it very easy to distinguish the frantic and mournful tone, great job!
ReplyDeleteThis is the type of flash fiction that makes it so interesting to read. This piece you’ve made up was so interesting and to the point where it actually had a great message behind it. Thanks for this wonderful story!
ReplyDeleteChills! The way you wrote this, the structure, I think is what really made the piece, I personally love when people use time frames. The story of this piece obviously is what really got me though, it's something so dramatic yet so real; gave me chills, great piece!
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the title of this piece, I honestly did not know what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised. The story you told is something I believe many of us can relate to, especially since some of us place our academics as our top priority, sometimes above our mental health. I enjoyed this story very much because it was so bold.
ReplyDeleteThis was an incredible piece. I feel like I could kind of relate to it, in sorts that I have made mistakes and had my down days. Your structure for this piece was amazing, good job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your flash fiction it really hit home and had me with chills because of the structure of the piece being in journal entries really displayed the thoughts and danger she was going through. I especially liked how you tied in the piece at the end . Amazing piece
ReplyDeleteThe structure of this piece as diary entries gave it a more intimate feel and lets the reader be fully absorbed into the plot. I originally thought that Annie would be moving but it turns out she killed herself. The meaning behind this piece is truly beautiful and inspiring.
ReplyDeleteThis is so cool , I appreciate seeing her diary eateries and how they changed throughout the days , and then how it switched up to her on the roof. This is a very emotional piece that makes you think about why she really decided to end her life, but I guess you'll really never understand truly.
ReplyDelete-sereenah soare
This piece was INCREDIBLE! I love all the suspense and curiosity I had while reading this. I just could not stop reading this piece. It brings a great awareness to people that are being bullied. The structure of this piece was PURE genius especially how it's through technology since many people are surrounded by it. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteThis story had a major plot twist! It was suspenseful and the beginning got me curious on what this was all about. It got me wanting to read more to find out what was going to happen next. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis really hit home because I can totally relate to struggling with academics but when she committed suicide it caught me off guard a little bit but I liked your story
ReplyDeleteThis really hurt... I was just hoping that someone, anyone would help her; in a few short passages you have expertly manage to make me feel for this character. Even with the addition of the encouraging message at the end really made my day, thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI really love the structure of your piece and I adore how it brings you in as the story goes on. Although I did not expect the ending, the meaning behind your piece was fantastic. -Tyler Kniss
ReplyDeleteDang this piece gave me the chills! I like how in the diary she only takes about her getting an F not about bullying. Why did she not write about that? Such a beautiful well written story. What a great way to bring about a major issue of bullying and suicide. Such a great job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was SO good! Each and everyday someone is going through tough times and no one at school can really tell. But, that last point you gave at the end is so so important. This was beautifully written, good job!
ReplyDeleteI really loved this piece! I enjoy how you told the story through her diary entries and her letter. The inspirational note at the end was a great thing to add. Telling her story over a long period of time increased the wonder of the story and i loved that. Thank you for this really well told inspiring story.
ReplyDeleteWow! This was an awesome fictional story but at the same time seemed like a possible life situation, especially how most can connect with the characters feeling of disappointment from a parent and how hard it is.
ReplyDeleteThe disappointment from a parent is the worst. I really wanted to make a connection to the real life world.
Delete-Vivian Chiang
Y'all had some rad formats this month! I loved the layout and twist! -Mackenzie G
ReplyDeleteWOW Wow wOw WoW this was soooooo so good! I love the message of the whole piece and how you conveyed it. Bullying is not a topic that should be taken lightly and you definitely made that clear. Great Job!!!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is amazing. At first I was so confused, but that made me want to read more. The message behind this is very beautiful. I will remember to keep it in mind! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your because the whole meaning of her say goodbye to her "friends" had changed when you put the truth of them at the end. Your story reminded me how stories written in first person are so interesting because you only see their point of view, which is sometimes distorted. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was incredible! The message you included at the end applies to many people our age who may be going through incredibly trying times, and is an important thing for people of all ages to remember. Thank you for writing!
ReplyDeleteI liked the message at the end. At first you think that "Annie" was just really emotional over her F but combine that with bullying from friends it can really make a person feel alone. But people need to realize that someone will always support them and that someone will always want them in their life
ReplyDeleteThis diary format of the piece really brings home the emotions people feel when they are bullied or stressed, and the overall message of the piece was very touching. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank You! I really wanted to bring attention overall and use a sad yet worried tone within this piece.
Delete-Vivian Chiang
The catchy title hooked my attention right a way. The mysterious tone of the piece also helped the story to develop a creepy feeling, helping the author to achieve the purpose of drafting a scary piece.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence of the story covered the entire piece with an dark, creepy tone. The purpose of creating a meaningful yet chilly story was accomplished through the great initial tone and following development.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is amazing! i think doing the diary journals shows that she did try to escape her depression through expression but nothing helped. This was a very touching piece, great job.
ReplyDelete-brie d.
This piece was a particularly touching subject, and the idea of internal grief was clearly present. I would like to comment that it is the smallest of things that can cause such stress and the influx of these negative emotions lead to eventual death. Thank you for however not choosing such a morbid ending but rather used a more meaningful and light hearted denouement to show the hope in life.
ReplyDeletesuch an incredible piece. I love how you kept it suspenseful and had a meaning behind it all. i really liked how you wrote this in a journal entry form. thanks!
ReplyDeleteThis piece touched my heart. We sometimes as students and under all this stress, we need help and sometimes scared to reach out for it because we don't want to get scolded we really want someone to give us a hand and say, "its okay you can do it, you'll get through it." poor girl. great piece! - karina l.
ReplyDelete