Allison sat in first period, unable to focus. There was deadline after deadline sloppily strewn across the board, her teacher sitting at his desk arguing with someone on the classroom phone.
“OMG, Allison! Did you hear about Gwen’s party later? You have to come!” Josie exclaimed
suddenly, startling Allison.
“I can’t,” she began, “I have to watch my little sister after school.”
“Seriously! It’s a Friday! Your parents can’t just watch her?” she pleaded.
“No.” Allison said bluntly.
The bell rang and she quickly picked up her things.
“How are you doing? I know you want to go, but you're scared aren’t you? No one you really
know will be there, and Josie will probably be with her boyfriend anyway. That’s why you made
up that excuse!”
“Stop it.” Allison whispered.
“What was that?” Josie asked.
“Nothing, I’ll see you later.”
Second and third period dragged on for what seemed like forever and Allison thought she’d
never make it to lunch. Finally, the lunch bell rang and everyone bolted out of the glass doors to
lunch lines.
“Oooh, where are we gonna sit today? Oh, we can’t sit there, that’s where the...”
“Hush, please go away.” Allison mumbled.
“Hey, Allie! Want to sit with us today!” Josie screeched.
“Okay, how many people are you sitting with?”
“What? Why does it matter?”
“Ohhhh, nope. If there’s more than 6, you won’t be okay. You can’t...”
“Shhhh.” she mumbled again.
“Hmm?” Josie replied.
“Nothing, I’m okay. Let’s go.”
Allison sat down at the crowded table. She didn’t feel like eating that day and had lost
her appetite anyway after dissecting frogs in anatomy before lunch.
“Just talk to them. Oh, they might not hear you because you talk quietly. Well...”
“Please stop! Stop it!” Allison said under her breath.
“Allison, who are you talking to?”
“Nobody, I’m sorry.”
“See, you had to say sorry again. Why do you say sorry for every little-”
“Shut up! Shut up! Stop it! Stop it!” the words bursted out of her mouth before she could stop.
Everyone at the lunch table was staring at her. She got up frantically and ran to the bathroom.
Josie chased after her.
Allison sat quietly in the bathroom stall. “Allie? It’s Josie.”
“Hi. I’m sorry. You can go back. I just need a minute.”
“Allie, I’m not leaving.” Josie stood outside the bathroom stall.
“Look what you did! You made a big scene. Now she’s not gonna leave. You just drew so much
attention to yourself. Seriously, why did you-”
“Just stop it, please stop it. I can’t take it anymore.” Allison started crying.
“Allison, I'm not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong. Who do you keep talking to?”
Allison opened the bathroom stall, her mascara was streaked down her face.
“Allison, there’s no one in here. Who are you talking to? You keep whispering to someone, who
is it?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why Allie, why can’t you tell me?”
Allison didn’t know how to explain that the “person” she was talking to, wasn’t a person at all,
but a voice, all in her head.
I like this story because it leaves open ends to what that other "person" or voice is. I don't know whether it is an altenrate conscious in Allison's head or something else of the sort, which is very interesting. I like how you emphasized on how the characters in the story responded to one another, for examples "screeched", "bluntly", etc. - Mary Ojo
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece because it wasn’t like any other. The confusion in Josie at Allie’s actions and reactions (as seen in the never-ending dialogue) reflected the confusion in Allie herself, revealing the struggle between who she is and who she wants to be in front of others. This piece also elucidated the idea that one’s biggest enemy in life is often themself. I also liked the fact that you didn’t name the unknown speaker until the end because the suspense was built up as her thoughts and words clashed, escalating the entire story that kept me at the edge of my seat. Thank you for sharing! :)
ReplyDelete- Paola Rodriguez
Hi Samantha,
ReplyDeleteI loved the mystery in your piece. I really thought Allie was actually talking to someone. I kept reading until i found an ending and it made me realize how interesting it was and how beautifully pieced together it was! Great job and Beautiful story!
--Keke Pandher
I liked how the "voice" in Allison's head wasn't defined until the end of the story, leaving that part up to interpretation for the readers. I also loved how Allison's internal struggles were illustrated through the distinct contrast between the "voice" in her head, and her own actions. -Saffiya H
ReplyDeleteI feel I can relate to the main character in this story pretty well besides the person in my head. Although I believe we all have a conscience in our head that judges us and our every decision harder than anyone else. In this story, the person in her head grew full control over Allison and now I hope that she can tell Josie the truth and find peace in herself. Great story!! -Layna Griffith
ReplyDeleteIt's true, you can't explain it. The closest you can do is define it as a "voice in our heads" but it's larger than that. To one it could be just a whisper or tickle at the edge of their ear but to another, it is a constant screech against the chalk board that clouds over every single moment in their life. Such a simple and straight-to-the-point piece and yet the understanding and purpose behind it is impeccable. This is reality for so many and I'm so grateful to see this perspective.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece, you kept the mysteriousness all throughout the story and left the readers, like myself thinking continuously. This was quite different to read, which left me fascinated. I like the deeper aspect of what you wrote that deals with inner conscience, which I think serves a great purpose in a person's mind, towards their actions and decisions. Great job! - kayla cecilio
ReplyDeleteSamantha I really love that you wrote about this, it is very similar to what anxiety feels like in a sense but written out and explained through a character. I also really admired that you showed how others on the outside might not always understand what is going with you even though it is having a lasting and great affect on you. It was written super well and I hope to see more of your writing soon.-Kasaia Gray
ReplyDeleteI love the suspense that leads up through the story. The descriptive language and mystery is what really drew me in. I really enjoyed reading it because the take on the plot really left me wanting more. Each time Allison would avoid the issue going on, it made me more and more curious to see what truly is happening to her.
ReplyDelete-Vanessa Fernandez
I appreciate this perspective. It's hard to explain to someone what they don't see or understand. This really depicts what people with anxiety feel like on a daily basis. Great job! -Arianna Perez
ReplyDeleteI really admired your piece not only because this is what some teenagers have to go through, but also because it was very well written. The descriptive language kept me engaged and the internal conflict the main character had was displayed beautifully. I loved your story!!! Great Job!!! - Ashita Biju
ReplyDeleteThe build up for this story was really interesting. It drew me and and had me ask MULTIPLE times, "who is talking to her?" I really liked the suspense built up to the end and yet it's open ended and leaves the reader wanting more insight to Allison's mind. I loved it. Great work.- Julianne Varona
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you ended your story with the idea of the voice in the head, that really caught my attention. You presented the idea of anxiety through your character in a way that the reader could relate to because not everyone can see and understand what is going on inside a person's mind just by ones physical appearance. I also admired the way you made the story about a person's inner conscience and mind, and wrote the story in a unique way. I absolutely enjoyed reading it. - Arnav Singh
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you ended your story with the idea of the voice in the head, that really caught my attention. You presented the idea of anxiety through your character in a way that the reader could relate to because not everyone can see and understand what is going on inside a person's mind just by ones physical appearance. I also admired the way you made the story about a person's inner conscience and mind, and wrote the story in a unique way. I absolutely enjoyed reading it. - Arnav Singh
ReplyDeleteI really like how this was structured. It starts off with Allison being so quiet, and her responses soft enough that at first I couldn't tell that it was a voice in her head. As it went on, Allison became more vocal, and that's when the reality hit that she was plagued with a voice in her head, and it eventually came to a jarring explosion from her as she grew more and more frustrated with it. The progression was amazing. I also enjoyed how it was not told from Allison's perspective. Often in media we get to hear what those voices are saying since it is told from that character's perspective, but here we were shown the outsider's, forced to watch Allison struggle with the voice without that understanding from her perspective.
ReplyDelete-Gannon Smith
I enjoyed this story because in an interesting way it demonstrated the complex psychological issues people deal with on a daily basis in normal settings, when people do not even realize.-Marissa Rivera
ReplyDeleteThis story intrigued me because it really makes you think about what others are going through and you might not even know it. Allison struggles with the voices in her head, and it makes me wonder why they are there in the first place. Why are they trying to keep Allison safe from the world, or why do they want her to isolate herself? This short story was perfectly written, keeping the audience on edge and leaving them wondering. I would love to read part two of the story one day!
ReplyDeleteSamantha,
ReplyDeleteIn your writing you did a wonderful job maintaining the suspense and tension throughout, while also providing a constant source of curiosity for the reader. Your writing skills have clearly shown through on this piece, allowing for a thought provoking story. - Tyler Vidal
I really loved the buildup to your story. When I realized halfway that Allison was talking to the voice in her head, I was so surprised, but in a good way! I think that we can all relate to Allison at times, when wishing that the voices of anxiety and overthinking would stop making situations seem so much worse than they truly are. Great story! - Somi Nebedum
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story. I think it did a great job of demonstrating the mental issues and anxiety people can have just from their own insecurities. Then, story wise, I believe it was the best way to tell it through. - Zeth Sy
ReplyDelete