It was
hot and humid out. The cold water running down, over the cliff and splashing
right below. She nervous because she doesn’t know if she’ll make it. She jumps.
Her friends, Carlos and Jane call out her name, “Trinity, Trinity!!!!” but,
there is no answer. They start to get worried so they go down to see if she
crawled to shore. While walking down they realize that she is no where to be
found. All of a sudden they start to panic.- Jane and Carlos jump into the
water and start to splash around the water vigorously until they were
exhausted. A few minutes later they call the search team and they being to
search and ask questions about Trinity. “ What does she look like.” Where did
she land” , “how long has she been missing for” asked the search team. They
looked day and night for 48 hours and still found nothing. A week went by
without knowing what happened to Trinity but a funeral was being planned to commemorate
her. All her family and friends went to the funeral, her parents, and her two
best friends, Carlos and Jane, gave heart felt eulogies. The casket was put in
the ground without a body in it and something in Jane’s heart told her that
Trinity was dead. Months went by and things started to get back to normal
except for Jane and Carlos , they had not gotten over the fact that their best
friend was gone. They decide to go to the place were they last saw Trinity.
They stood on the cliff and looked down, “hey something is floating in the water.”
Carlos said to Jane. Carlos goes down the cliff first and Jane follows. “ It
looks like a body.” said Jane. “ Yeah that looks like….Trinity. Trinity!!”.
Trinity’s body is washed up on the shore and Jane falls to her knees and starts
to cry over her dead body…
Wow this was such a traumatic and tragic end. I like your use of tragic elements because it leaves the reader hanging for more. Poor Trinity:( I wish she would have lived. But perhaps the real tragedy was that her body was not found until months later. It left the reader wondering where she would be. Was she dead? Did she fake her tragedy? Did she enter a new mystical realm? That insecurity left the main characters in an unfinished thought that tormented them for a long time. You certainly used our tragic tools very well. I think this story lifts the power of the number three strongly especially since the character that passed was trinity. You symbolically demonstrated that without the perfect trio, there would be an imbalance. This sort of has an allusion to the Christian faith which brings a sense of broken godly power, leaving the writing more detrimental. Great use of allusion and symbols!
ReplyDeletePretty great piece, I had hope that Trinity would still remain alive, but the truth hurts sometimes.Either way i feel like this piece can grow to an even greater story!
ReplyDeleteAwe, how sad! I like how you kind of made it seem like there was hope, but then just killed it in the end. At least they found her body.. Anyways, nice job! - Aileen Munoz
ReplyDeleteKealin I loved this!!! I loved the tragic elements that you used. It was such a good peice. You left the reader wanting more! Good job!
ReplyDelete-karyna
The un-happy-ending created closure in a creative and unexpected way.
ReplyDelete-Andre Burgos