The Abstract Idea of Life as a Delicious Cake--Christopher

If you’ve ever ventured into a bakery, you’ve likely witnessed the
splendor of a cake. Rotund, bouncing in the light, seemingly begging to
propel itself into your mouth-hole, cake is a beautiful temptress. But cake is
so much more than a delectable, tantalizing, sweet goodie. Cake will slap
you in the face until you like getting slapped. Cake never gives up, cake
never surrenders.
Life is a cake. Just as Jay-Z said “One hundred million, that’s a pound
cake. Cake, cake cake cake cake.” He must know what he’s talking about,
because he married Beyonce. Cake is everywhere. It’s all around us. But, in a
world filled with cake, not only do we enjoy the succulent, sweet benefits,
but also the sticky residue. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. After
you eat your cake, you’ll probably feel guilty. Not the kind of guilt when
you’ve been caught doing something wrong by your parents, but the kind of
deep self loathing a man feels when he walks past a mirror with his shirt off,
tips of his nipples coated in icing, saying “This is the last time. Next time,
things will be different. Less messy. Yeah, I definitely won’t get icing on my
nipples next time.” But of course, as we all know, this man will most
definitely sully his nipples with icing once more, repeating the vicious cycle
which we will all succumb to eventually. Suddenly, with this realization, a
world full of cake sounds much less appealing, and yet, it doesn’t matter
how it seems to us. The world simply is filled with cake, and there are no two
ways about it. Should we willingly drown in a sea of baked goods,
relinquishing all hope of redemption to the ungodly forces who filled our
world with nothing but cake ? The answer to that question depends entirely
on you.
Except, it doesn’t depend entirely on you. The true solution lies within
the problem. You see, this cake is actually a layer cake. A lane cake.
Chocolate, chocolate, strawberry, vanilla. They thought they could fool us
with two layers of chocolate, but we knew there was something more deep,
deep down. We could always taste it, but we would never acknowledge it.
And so when we take the risk, and we look at cake for what it really is, we’ll
learn that it’s all worth it. Past the icing, there is a greater purpose. A light,
fluffy purpose. The real thing, the raw ingredients, the recipe to life! And I
know it seems grand, maybe a tad farfetched, but nothing rational ever
changed the world, or your life. Grab a fork and dive in.