Blake, who is roughly 16 years
old, had a traumatizing childhood. He was bullied, picked on, and witnessed his
parents’ divorce at the age of five. He would keep all that anger inside of
him, and eventually take it out on someone who really didn’t mean to hurt and
criticize his past. At times, he would always look back at those
memories and wonder, “Can I do anything, anything at all, to change my past?”
To make things better? Until one night in an unusual cloudy part of Los
Angeles.
Blake woke up to his alarm clock at approximately 6:30 am
to get ready for school. He performed the common morning routine, and took the
bus that included the friends and peers isolating their “sections” of the bus
from one another. As the bus came to a final stop, Blake saw something that he
thought he wouldn’t have witnessed in a million years. Staring through the
window of Blake was none other than his father. He stood there with a blank,
emotionless expression marked on his face. Blake thought to himself, “Can it
really be him?” The last moments he spent with his father were nearly 10 years
ago. What can he possibly be doing showing up at Blake’s high school like this?
As the horde of students were departing from the bus in a
rather slow fashion, Blake abruptly shoved everyone out of the way with all of
his might. Pushing the sliding doors open to swiftly come out, Blake scanned
the busy street, searching for his father. He vanished. From that point on,
Blake started to hate himself for missing that opportunity, to actually discuss
with his father about a variety of topics. Why was he there? Was he happy to
see Blake, or not? How come he waited a decade, just to see his own son all
grown up? Fast forward to the middle of the day. It’s the beginning of 4th
period. Blake sat in his assigned seat, all the way in the back. Just when the
teacher was about to start the class, There was a long screeching bell. This
bell was to signal a lockdown. Teachers from all classrooms locked doors and
closed windows to ensure safety in their students.
Seconds after
every classroom was sealed shut, an explosion was set off, in Room 207. That
was Blake’s classroom. The explosion was strong enough to break down the door
as a group of FBI agents flooded the room armed with handcuffs. They all
threatened to shoot if every single person wasn’t on the ground. Blake was
terrified and didn’t even know what to think. All of this was happening so
quickly. Shortly after everyone was cuffed, Blake heard the voice. This
particular voice sounded familiar. “Come with me for a better future.”
Wow! That's really interesting. The length made me want to read more, and the contrast between the sadness at the beginning and the quick pace of the end was intriguing. Good job! Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job captivating the audience. At the end, I wanted to keep reading to find out what happened next. Excellent job developing the character to really have him appeal to the audience. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHow suspenseful!! Kept me on my toes from beginning to end. Your use of imagery was great! Very vivid descriptions. Great job.
ReplyDeleteWow, for me everything happened so quickly. I needed to reread it so I was sure I did not miss anything! Great Job!
ReplyDeleteWow great piece i was on the edge of my seat reading the whole thing widh there was more, keep it up. (February Make Up)
ReplyDelete