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Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Christian--Undone



I woke up in a room I have never seen before. There was a slight ache in my head and pain in my chest. I looked around the room, but it was to dark to mark out. The only light in the room was the one right above me flickering, the light only stayed on a moment at a time. I noticed the worn down checkered plated floor. On the floor I assumed was broken glass, ... but the glass gave of a crimson red shine every time they was roll around. My head aches grew more intense every time I breathed. Their was a foul pungent sent in the air, in the distance their was a glimmer of light. As I got from the bed I woke in, I did no realize that the sheets were a dark burgundy ... looked like they were soaked... I tried not to think about it for I felt like I was going to puke. When I turned away from the wretched bed and took s step forward, I stepped on the crimson glass. The pain stung, I tried to let out a scream, nothing come out. I tried to ignore the pain and took another step forward. The glass clung to me and every step it cut deeper. I continued to press on but pain was unbearable, but the light went out. I heard soft whispering voices, to afraid to turn around I walked towards the faint shimmer of light. The closer I had gotten the louder the voices picked up and light would begin to fade. As I approached the light, I feared my sanity for I felt like it would crack very soon. I was only a few feet away from the light when I felt something grab my ankle. I turned around almost instantaneously to find a hand dark as night grabbing me. I tried to shake it off but I stumbled backwards and hit a wall I assumed. I got up, the hand was gone but had left behind a dark black splotch on my ankle. I looked in front of me to find a mirror. I thought to my self wondering if this mirror had given off that faint light, but it could not for it had no light to shine off it. I looked in the mirror and nearly collapsed from what I saw. In the mirror I saw a boy with pitch black hair and its eyes both hollow. I looked at my body, half was not visible for the black splotch spread it did not stop. Petrified at what I was has became, I felt nauseous just from the sight of me. I looked at my reflection again, it grinned, then a had reached out and pulled me into the mirror. I past out when that happened, and when I woke up I could not do anything but laugh like a mad man for I had awoken right at the start of all this madness where i am right now, back in the burgundy bed.   

3 comments:

  1. The entire story is ominous - it works well that the reader understands what is going on no more than the character.

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  2. If you were going for mystery and suspense you totally nailed it, the ending was good.

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  3. interesting, the details used to describe the dark scene is used well especially because you used so many different words to tell your story. I like how this could just loop back to the beginning and be a continuous cycle of grief

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