Acceptance
The pitch black sky and the deathly cold air blended
perfectly to represent Nehc's state of mind. Everyone had been picked up by
their parents to return home, leaving the poor boy alone. He stood there by the
flag pole, wallowing in shame. The dark night covered his tears but one could
still hear the attempts to restrain an emotional breakdown. He stood there,
like a statue, as if he was not intending to never return. Just as Nehc was going
to commit to the plan he thought about for years, one of his greatest
companions confronted him.
She asked him "What's wrong?"
He replied with silence.
She stood firm and continued to question him. It was
not until twenty minutes of her one sided conversation when Nehc finally
responded. He looked up at her, and moved his mouth, however no sound was
produced. After a moment of confusion, she understood Nehc and pulled out her
phone for him. Hesitantly, Nehc reached for the medium of communication and
began to tell her about the destruction of his world. Patiently, she stood
there enduring the biting cold and fatigue. When Nehc finished typing out what
he could not verbalize, he returned the phone to her. She read the lines that
described her friend's state of mind and replied:
"You have not failed, I am very proud of you and
everyone else is too. You should not feel this way because you do deserve the
love of your friends and teammates. They stood by your side through the
competition and helped you because they wanted to. You are not a burden, in
reality you are a blessing to those that truly know you because you inspire
everyone to work harder and radiate
positivity. You are the only person that thinks you are unworthy, but I need
you to believe the truth: you are special."
Nehc could feel the sincerity and love in her words.
He nodded, and a smile appeared on her face because she knew that she had
finally gotten through to him. She patted him on the back and asked:
"Are
you okay to go home?"
He nodded to her with the bright smile he always had
in the past, and got into his car.
It was a very touching story, I liked how you used the phone as a source of communication for Nehc.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that Nehc got his confidence back. The competition seemed hard and he can alone grow from it. I liked the obscurity in the beginning and the clarification in the end. Also I like that this ended on a good note. Best of luck to Nehc on his next competition. Maybe a state medal?
ReplyDeleteyaaaaas ! I felt like I was reading a scene from a drama movie or something. I really liked this piece. This is a great story for everyone to read because I know many people who look down on themselves when they don't meet certain expectations in life and they need words of encouragement every now and then. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI think every teenager, with varying degrees of severity, struggles with the need for acceptance. Whether we crave it from our peers or family the struggle, at the risk of sounding super basic, is real. Awesome job Lrak Nehc. You handled the subject with maturity and eloquence.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is short, but unique. Great vocab and choice of words. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis conveys the emotion of the story well.
ReplyDeleteGoooooooood job I love your story :)
ReplyDeleteKarl, your passage left me wanting more emotion from your central character. In some parts you made me feel like Nehc was a robot through your use of words such as; statue, produced, etc. I did enjoy reading the transformation in terms of communication of Nehc, you had a strong underlying message, but I feel like it could use a little more development. Other than that, you used the minor character to your advantage, as Nehc friend was able to pull him out of his "stump," and provided him with a medium communicate with someone. Good job.
ReplyDeleteThis story did a great job of evoking feelings from the reader, rather than passively reading it. The reader can not only feel sympathy, but also relate because anybody has felt like a burden. It taught an important lesson to be there for your friends. Good job!
ReplyDeleteWhat I really enjoyed most about this piece is the turn out of the story line. It went from Nehc looking down upon himself to his friend being side by side with him, comforting him when he had no one else to express his emotions to. I like how this piece shows a lot of caring that the characters have towards one another.
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing! I enjoyed how you conveyed the emotions of the characters, I felt really connected to them.
ReplyDeleteI liked this story. It was short and sweet, and taught us a lesson we all should learn. Good job!
ReplyDeleteWow. This was really touching. You did such a great job in expressing emotion and feeling into the story. I love it!
ReplyDeletei really liked this paper because it had a lot of imagery that made me feel like i was there watching it happen in front of me
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece. Your topic was very relatable and the use of imagery made me feel like I was there.
ReplyDeletethis was a really good story you expressed tour feelings and was really touching.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your narrative and the emotions you put into your story.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your imagery, and the way you showed emotion. It made me feel like I was seeing this happen. I also liked the happy ending. Good Job :)
ReplyDeleteVery good story! Your use of words and vocab really made it interesting to read.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is really touching and heartwarming. Nice vocab and use of imagery! I like the phrase, " You are not a burden, in reality you are a blessing" really reaches out and is a good message to those who feel unwelcomed to the world. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteVery nice use of description, good use of imagery and such to evoke a feeling/connection from the audience. Well done!
ReplyDeleteWow I really enjoyed this piece because your use of describing the character and the character's emotion.
ReplyDeletethe vagueness of the description of the story left a little hole for the reader's to fill up with their own emotions and relatable life situations that they may have or may be going through and I think it's amazing. the end of the story was very heart warming and I thank you for writing a great piece of literature for us to read(:
ReplyDeletevery touching story good job
ReplyDeleteAwesome job. Great use of imagery and figurative language - I felt like I was right there next to them. Everyone experiences failure, and there's nothing like that one point of reassurance to get them back up again. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that the girl stayed there to find out what was wrong with Nehc showed that she really cares for him and that he needed that push from a friend to keep his head held high and keep moving through the day. It shows that a person's words can really impact another person and change how they are feeling. Amazing job!
ReplyDeletei enjoyed this very very much because it was so relate able. it ends on a god note which i like. everybody has a point in time or a moment when they're not at their best. but in the end someone is always there for you. so im completely in love with the message of your story.
ReplyDeleteGreat details when expressing the feeling and very inspiring story.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very touching and captivated authentic emotions, very interesting.
ReplyDeletei am inspired in a way good job with the imagery at the being very nice piece
ReplyDeleteThe use of imagery was clearly well placed as i could feel myself in the cold with both of them. The friends determination to help him was very inspiring and shows what a true friend can do in your times of need.
ReplyDeletethis piece is really unique and emotional good job! :)
ReplyDeleteahhh the feels what a great piece!!
ReplyDeleteThis was a good heart-warming story. It shows how sometmes the bonds of friendship can be very powerful. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. It was mysterious, and it had enough detail to create the scene of what was going on in a good way. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteVery touching and appealing. It does really open my eyes on these matters. Thanks for the work K!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! i like how you used relevant problems/ situations that are prevalent in mostly every school
ReplyDeleteI liked this piece a lot! It was very well written and it was very eye opening.
ReplyDeleteGood Job!
I think everyone has been in both places... where they try to comfort their friend or they're the one that needs comforting.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very touching piece. I loved the story behind it!! amazing job!
ReplyDeleteI like the characters name Nehc! Overall the story is very unique and intriguing. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteVery emotional and I like that, good job
ReplyDeleteSomething about this story just made me smile, I don't know what. Probably that connection of not feeling that one has done all they can do for a certain event and they need that reassurance that they did do their best.
ReplyDeletei like this story because of the imagery and how emotional it is
ReplyDeleteI think you uniquely expressed how even the best of us often times feel - not good enough and a burden. Great emotion and word choice.
ReplyDeleteThere's something so alluring about this piece. There is mystery, uncertainty in not only the story itself, but the world. It could happen in this world, a dystopian world, a fantasy, or even an extraterrestrial place. The cliffhanger doesn't help. There's only one solution to this problem: finish the book.
ReplyDeleteWhat a nice read! The tone at the beginning gives you the same feeling the character is feeling at first and then ending with some inspirtation. Really good!
ReplyDeleteGreat story. Very relatable and it taught a great lesson.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was one of my favorites with the slight mystery to what was going on to the comforts found in a true friend. Great job I was able to feel the emotions from the characters.
ReplyDeleteYour piece was very touching and interesting. Friendship was a great choice to write about and you provided enough detail for readers to vision the scenario in their minds. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was great because it caught my attention immediately. It was mysterious and very well written. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you had similar problems that correlate to every school !
ReplyDeleteNice use of the name Nech, I can always appreciate a name that has meaning and not just a name like Craig
ReplyDeleteYour diction and application of imagery really made the story flow as you read it.
ReplyDeleteI like this story a lot! It is very relatable to everyday life. So many people need these words of encouragement. Good job!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to see technology aiding in face-to-face communication in such a touching manner instead of hindering it as it often does.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that this was beyond influential. This was a great piece of story and very motivating.
ReplyDeleteI really do enjoy this story, great job!
ReplyDeleteAwh Karl! I liked how you included a lot of imagery into this piece. It was very touching and I feel like a lot of readers can relate to these type of situations. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteNice story. Different but in a good way I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteI did not understand the story but I can tell you try to convey some sort of message you hold dear to. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your use of imagery and diction in this piece. It was fantastic, pretty Chenrific i would say. :-)
ReplyDeleteThis has potential but I feel like the main character is supposed to be Nehc but yet there is a disconnect for me because i think that you could have better expressed his feelings better by doing something else instead of just telling the reader directly. This is a good story, your character was still able to get there feelings across. good job.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! Your style was really nice and I think a lot of people can relate. I also liked how Nehc's friend was there for him and stood by him.
ReplyDeleteI really loved the first sentence because it drew me into the story. The use of imagery also helped me to imagine how the boy was feeling. I enjoyed this story because it expressed the emotions of the boy. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Lauren Waitman
Detail, word choice, and tone really made this piece come to life.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really great story, connecting the reader to the character in a way they understand and reflecting emotion almost made it feel real. Good Job!
ReplyDeletevery well written good job
ReplyDeleteon core, on core very good story it had me keep reading till the end
ReplyDelete-Ian Rendon
Very good story. It had me wanting to read more.
ReplyDelete-garrett Lachase