The streets were cold and hard, and I learned to emulate them as I grew up, not as a way to seem strong but as a way to survive anything and everything that threatened me, even if I was just technically a kid. Basically everyone that grew up here in the slums was like this and knew it as the normal way of life. I questioned it sometimes but I figured I was just some dumb kid that didn’t know any other better way of life so I should just stick to it. So a person wearing a hooded cloak not entirely masking the overlynice clothing underneath it stood out worse than a sore thumb; obviously some lost rich boy. And the trouble he attracted was even more noticeable as he got involved in a small scuffle between a gang leader and a kid in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“How idiotic”, I thought just watching.
And yet that sorely out of place rich boy punched the gang leader square in the face just to save the insignificant, stranger child. Needless to say the child ran away and the rich boy was knocked out almost immediately. Pockets picked and a few cheap shots thrown in from the gang leader and his member, the rich boy was left behind in the slums. curiosity got to me and I decided to inspect a bit further, shaking the boy until he awoke, and his hood fell off. And I realized he was not a he, but a girl. The shock got me but then I realized she was staring at me, black eye and all.
“So that was pretty stupid of you,” I said but upon seeing her frown I added, “you know, caring for another person when it didn’t involve you.” “Well I cannot just let another person go on being hurt like that! you would do the same, I am sure. you came to wake me up just now did you not”, she replied.
I frowned for multiple reasons her proper speech was annoying me, she wasn’t at all upset that the kid didn’t even show her any thanks, and she automatically assumed I was like her. As she got up and dusted herself off the thoughts of “How could she care so much about someone other than herself” and “How could she think of ME as a good person when I look like such a stereotypical thug” burned into the back of my skull. But even worse was the searing the thought “Why do I feel so jealous of her”. And then I heard a sound off in the distance, but before I could identify it the rich girl ran off, no doubt on her holy crusade to save the world. But for some reason my body followed without thinking
“How idiotic”
Your voice really shines through in your writing. I can totally hear you saying "How idiotic" all the time in your head. Or to my face in eon. Either way great job incorporating your personality into your piece.
ReplyDeleteI want to know what happens next! Great job and even with a short amount of words you have me intrigued
ReplyDeleteThat was good! Your use of detail was good!
ReplyDeletewow this was a great story i felt as tho i was there with you watching it all happen a lot of imagery and great plot and sequence
ReplyDeleteThis was a good poem and it keeps you interested until the very until. Very descriptive details, diction, and imagery in the poem.
ReplyDeleteThis story was trippy. But I could almost see you standing there and watching. You connected yourself and your thoughts very well to the story. Leaves the reader with many questions.
ReplyDeletethis was a really good piece because it kept the reader hooked and wanting to know what happens next, it feels like a cliffhanger cause I wanna know more about that girl!
ReplyDeleteGreat piece! I was intrigued the whole time and I loved your main character's narration
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome. Great use of imagery and voice. I admire your strong sense of self, and that really shows up in your writing. That's a great quality to have. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was a great use of imagery and was interesting hearing it from the narrators point of view and how the situation really played out, good job.
ReplyDeleteGreat start! Grabbed the reader right away with the the phrase involving the word emulate. Interesting story line and I enjoyed the wry humor at the end "how idiotic."
ReplyDeleteVery interesting writing. I guess that is how modern vigilantes would come about. The diction and your voice made the story exponentially better.
ReplyDeleteVery cool piece! It flowed well & was enjoyable. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteWooow! I gotta say, that was pretty awesome. This is some great work you got here! You should send me an email of the rest of the story if there is any.
ReplyDeleteI definitely want to read the rest of this! It was very interesting to read. Good Job!!
ReplyDeletethis was a pretty good story
ReplyDeleteI like the theme you conveyed within the dialogue of the boy and the girl.The dialogue also shows us a lot about both the girl and boy and how their role might play out in the story.
ReplyDeleteGreat point-of-view and interesting plot twist at the end. I really enjoyed reading this one. It kept my attention the entire way through.
ReplyDeleteThe story was actually very relatable and down to earth. It persuasive the reader to be grateful on what they own.
ReplyDeleteI really love this piece, it's very witty and imaginative.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was more to it. I couldn't stop reading. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis was very entertaining to read and you had me hooked from the beginning. Your presence in the poem stood out the most to me, and I thouroughly enjoyed the story.Thank you.
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