Pages


Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Austin--A Modern 'Monster'

A Modern ‘Monster’

Datalog 000000001;

I woke up. The darkness surrounded me and the deafening silence was startling. I was
terrified. I remained in this state of utter nothingness for a minute. Suddenly I heard a loud pop,
and could hear. I was shortly after assaulted by the sounds of the world. I could hear grinding
metal and rolling gears, I heard the whirr of motors, the ticking of clocks, the hollow clunks of
thick plastics. I could hear the muffled noises of birds singing, I heard gentle breathing and
distinct heartbeats. Just a moment after the assault on my hearing had begun, my eyes popped
into existence and I could see the world that had created these noises. I screamed, yet I could
make no noise.

When I looked around, I saw a number of various contraptions swinging and moving.
Directly below my head was a conveyor belt that rolled me forward. On either side of the belt
was a number of spindly white arms with various machines on their ends. Beyond the arms, the
remainder of the facility stretched outwards, four white walls enclosing an expanse of conveyor
belts, arms, and wheels. A number of people in large, white coats wandered about the facility,
monitoring this and that, though they never interfered with the machines. 

Before me lay a number of identical black, oblong balls. We were lined up in a single­
file line up the conveyor and I watched as the arms grinded away excess metal, welded
additional components, and inserted a number of cords and chips into these black balls. Bright
and vibrant sparks exploded from the arms and flew in brilliant contrast to the white background.
I followed and received treatment identical to those before me. A larger arm descended before
me holding a large white disc. The disc was made of thick ceramic and glowed with a warm red
glow. The arm lowered the disk over me and placed it on my face. The mask glowed to life and a
number of odd characters filled my vision. 

As I continued to explore this new fascination I began to see the end of the belt. One by one, the
balls ahead of me dropped suddenly and were carried away in a small white box. One of the arms
inserted some kind of microchip into my face and I could feel the world around me. The soft
breeze of the building and the tough rubber beneath me were overshadowed by the violent pain
of the grinders and welders which were disfiguring me from behind. I tried again to shriek once
again, but to no avail. I moved further down the belt and could now see the end quite clearly, it
was just two feet ahead of me when I felt a new arm reach behind my head from above—

66 comments:

  1. Your story had me wanting to keep reading to find out what was going to happen.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, the was really interesting, I wanted to know what happens next, it was very suspenseful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great use if imagery! I can still hear the cacophonous sounds filling my ears and evision the series of metals that follow as the speaker goes through the conveyor. This was a good read. Thanks for sharing your creativity. ��

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love the way this is written. You incorporate such vivid details that exude the essence of the unfamiliarity of the situation. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This piece of writing was excellent! I loved your use of imagery throughout the story. Keep up the great work!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This piece of writing is wonderful in every way. Your choice of adjectives is splendid! Keep up the great work!

    ReplyDelete
  7. It is a good story because he made it sound realistic. He makes it sound like its real to me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This gets the reader interested right away.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This piece was very intruiging. The imagery you used and diction allows the reader to visualize every inch of the aspect and keeps the story interesting. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I enjoyed reading this piece from a different perspective. Generally when reading stories about creations, you hear it from the perspective of the creator and not the creation. Nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I like this story a lot. I got chills all over my body by the details. but comment that I would say is the way the spacing is. but either way nice job.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great use of diction and detail! I could really picture everything that was going on! Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Great details thought the story. Made it very interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I really loved your story it kept me on the edge of my seat wanting to know what would happen next.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This story was really good because it sounded so realistic and great detail

    ReplyDelete
  16. Your piece was very captivating and used a lot of diction and detail. You grabbed my attention from the very beginning and kept me focused until the end. Great piece!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Very good story! Your great use of imagery really kept me interested in reading the story.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Great description and specific explanation. When I was done reading I was thinking about images of the story. Perfect!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Nice drop off! Left me very intrigued. Good use of imagery. Well written.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Great detail and imagery! I could feel and see everything you were describing. Very nice!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I was on the edge of my seat! great job with the suspense at the end!!!! #cliffhanger

    ReplyDelete
  22. Very realistic and nice imagery

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wow what a piece! You included many descriptive adjectives and the rich imagery made it really interesting to read! I also emjoyed how you wrote this in the structure of a memo stating it was your "Datalog 000000001."

    ReplyDelete
  24. you did an amazing job setting the mood and the scene of the story. it was definitely very interesting and suspenseful! i loved it

    ReplyDelete
  25. this is a nice usage of description and imagery, great job!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I found your story to be very suspenseful, wanting me to continue reading, very well done.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Great job describing the and setting the mood i felt as if i was there great job hope to see more like this.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Great use of imagery and diction. The arms appearing infront of me left me a bit worried even though i knew they werent real. The end left me very intrigued and makes me want to know what happened after.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Very vivid imagery, you plopped the reader into a world that was unfamiliar to us and that made me curious as to what was going on so I had to keep reading. Very well written

    ReplyDelete
  30. very detailed and your use of imagery was great and interesting!
    good job :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I really like how you began your piece. Great descriptions, nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Interesting very intriguing piece:)

    ReplyDelete
  33. This was a well written piece. It has vivid imagery and a very interesting concept. I want to know what happens next. Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Your piece was very well written. It had a lot of imagery and detail that enhanced your story. Nice job

    ReplyDelete
  35. great job with the fast pacing this kept me entertained with all the energy of the scene! good job

    ReplyDelete
  36. This was very well written! Good Job! I loved how it was short and to the point as it kept me very interested! :)

    ReplyDelete
  37. I really like your use of descriptive language. Such a great use of imagery! This made me want to keep reading and wanting more. What a great job!

    ReplyDelete
  38. I really enjoyed this piece of writing. In my opinion i felt like there was so many details in your story that i felt like as was actually there.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Great Job Austin! Your piece of literature kept me entertained from start to finish. keep up the good work

    ReplyDelete
  40. Your story is so intriguing and I really enjoyed the imagery! It was very descriptive good job Austin! :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Very detailed and fast, good job I like it :D

    ReplyDelete
  42. I was confused by what was going on, sort of left clueless just like how your character was clueless or unaware of what was going on around them. I like that! I wonder if you did that on purpose.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Very descriptive, some word repetition, but I love that I heard your voice the entire home and knew it was you.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I loved how everything was raw and curt, exemplifying the harshness of the events, especially with the popping and sudden appearance of sight and sound. Overall, great job :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. Very creative story, great use of various adjectives and descriptions.

    ReplyDelete
  46. The vivid imagery and fast pace to the story made it really entertaining.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Austin! This is well detailed and very easy to imagine! Felt like I was there! Amazing job. It was told from a good perspective and had nice timing.

    ReplyDelete
  48. The suspense was coming up and than you leave me hanging. Great job, very detailed

    ReplyDelete
  49. This piece was very well written; great use of diction and detail which overall enhanced the imagery to an intense level. I definitely did not pause while reading because this piece retained my attention! Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Your piece was great. It had a very interesting plot line and great imagery. The only complaint is that you left me hanging. Nice Job!

    ReplyDelete
  51. This was a intriguing story and you developed the scene quite well with the details and imagery. Not sure if it was intended but I like how the ending was uncertain.
    -Martin Landaeta

    ReplyDelete
  52. The premise of this story is truly unique as it takes place in a futuristic world, I really enjoyed it.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Great imagination and use of imagery.

    ReplyDelete
  54. This was incredibly well written and i absolutely love the concept!

    ReplyDelete
  55. The story have an interesting organization and could be deep if read carefully.

    ReplyDelete
  56. This was very interesting. I liked your vivid imagery and use of language.

    ReplyDelete
  57. This story was very intriguing! I loved all the use of imagery and diction because it set the overall tone of the piece! Well done!
    -Lauren Waitman

    ReplyDelete
  58. Right off the bat, your use of detail and imagery was so strong and it created a wonderful piece of work. go you!

    ReplyDelete
  59. It was very well done, kept me reading till the end. Good Job!

    ReplyDelete
  60. very well written story I want more please

    ReplyDelete
  61. This was very detailed! you should write some more:) !

    ReplyDelete
  62. It was so explicit and gave a lot of imagery to the reader.

    ReplyDelete
  63. this was a very detailed story that had me going very good
    -Ian Rendon

    ReplyDelete
  64. this was a very good story. there were good details.

    -Garrett Lachase

    ReplyDelete