To Her Grandfather--Lynelle

With a tear stricken face of guilt, she stood by her grandfather’s death bed staring at his pale face. Knowing that his soul is no longer with them but above, she weeps and she grieves. Thinking about all their memories together, never wanting to let go, she held his hand tight refusing to accept the fact that he is no longer there with her. Examining his pallid face, although lifeless, she still saw life. She saw a small smile on his face and a teardrop running down his left cheek. This was a smile of peace and a teardrop of freedom. Freedom from the misery that he endured for such a long period of time and peace away from all the suffering he underwent.

Holding his cold hand, with feelings of sorrow, she remembers a time where he saw her crying and asked her if it was because of him. After guiltily nodding her head, with a voice filled with lilt unable to barely speak, her grandfather told her that she should not cry because this is his destiny, it’s what God wants. She didn’t want to accept it, so, she went home that night and prayed to God to give her more time to spend with him. Every day he got worse and worse, but he fought like the strong man he was. He fought more than what he was already fighting for two years straight. Some days he was better, but, most days he wasn’t. However, he still continued to fight for his family, making him the strongest man she ever knew. He fought that battle for five years. He suffered from illness after illness for five years. Her prayers were answered and two years passed and just like time, he passed, he was no longer able to fight anymore. He surrendered to peace and tranquility. 

Staring at his light-colored face, she can’t help but wail because it’s over. She can no longer hug him like she used to. She could no longer kiss him like she used to. She can no longer see him. He’s gone. She’ll never be able to see him again. He’s gone. She’ll never be able to read to him again. He’s gone. She’ll never be able hold his hand and him hold hers again. He’s gone. She’ll never be able to give him unconditional love like she used to. He was her everything. Growing up, he gave the world to her and she wanted to give it back but was never able to. He was always there for her and believed in her. She can no longer have that because he’s no longer here. He’s gone.

Remembering all the memories she had with him, she cries not only tears of grief and sorrow, but tears of guilt. She felt guilty because she wasn’t able to see him every single day like she wanted to. She only saw him about three to four times a week when she wished that it could be seven. She also felt guilty because she could’ve given him so much more love and appreciation as a child. She felt guilty because sometimes she would take the time they spent together for granted. Most importantly, she felt guilty because he gave her the world and she was never able to give it back to him like she wanted to.

A month passed and he never left her mind, but she was finally able to accept her grandfather being gone. Although he fought and fought, ultimately, it was his destiny, just like anyone else’s. Despite the fact that, she still wishes that he could be here with her today and watch her enter the next chapter of her life like he hoped for her, she understands that there is a place for every human on this Earth and when God gives one a life, he has the right to take it back. Death is inevitable and it can occur when you least expect it. Death is sudden and inescapable. She learned that the hard way. Not a day goes by where she doesn’t think about her grandfather and all the memories they shared together. He was her hero. She loved him more than words can explain and she still loves him. He will always and forever be on her mind. He gave her the world, she wasn’t able to return it, but she now holds his world and his big heart everywhere she goes and keeps a smile on her face because she knows that’s what he would’ve wanted.