I sat in silence in the dim room, where the only source of light had been the faint glow of
a waking dawn poking through the curtains. The blue hues of the light brought comfort to
everything it touched, and I wished for nothing more than for that moment to last forever. The
telescope in the corner, the water pitcher on the coffee table, the potted cactus by the window
sill; if objects could speak, they’d agree with me.
Turning my head to the window behind me, the bright rays of twilight danced around my face. My hand, as if by its own will, inched closer to the cactus. Squeezing my eyes close, I endured the pain of a pricked finger. My index finger greeted me with a drop of blood. In it I saw the entire universe, every star and planet making its presence known to me, nebulas swelled out with rings of color.
Suddenly memories flood my mind. In one, I found myself sitting on a ledge and watching over the ocean. The water looked so pure; waves of emerald stretched out for miles. The innocent blue sky held hands with several cumuli, and together they radiated harmony. If only we could be part of it.
In the other I found myself hid under a blanket where feelings clashed. The sheet was pulled over my eyes and offered me its safety, yet I felt so unsafe. My will pulled the cloth off my head and took in everything before me: stars freckling the deep night sky, some in clusters as if they were all meant for each other. The moon kissed the sun as it passed over. While the cosmos mingled above, I had my telescope. Through the lens I met the universe’s gaze. Suddenly the ground beneath me opened up and I fell through, though I did not resist gravity’s will. Millions of tiny lights like lightning bugs dispersed everywhere and I felt no end. I could hear those lights chiming as I endlessly descended. Accepting my fate, I believed it was all meant to be.
The memories faded.When I looked, around me were walls of white and I was sitting in a chair. Everything was blank and nothing stood out but the overwhelming serenity that filled the room. I hoped that someone would be waiting for me when I opened my eyes, though this moment I found myself in was enough. Before me were the last moments of the eclipse; the sun’s lover had passed her, and the moon had once again began her centuries-long journey to meet the sun once again, whenever that may be. In the final moments, the shade made way for the light to reach out, as if the universe had moved just for me. Destiny was running its course right before my eyes.
Turning my head to the window behind me, the bright rays of twilight danced around my face. My hand, as if by its own will, inched closer to the cactus. Squeezing my eyes close, I endured the pain of a pricked finger. My index finger greeted me with a drop of blood. In it I saw the entire universe, every star and planet making its presence known to me, nebulas swelled out with rings of color.
Suddenly memories flood my mind. In one, I found myself sitting on a ledge and watching over the ocean. The water looked so pure; waves of emerald stretched out for miles. The innocent blue sky held hands with several cumuli, and together they radiated harmony. If only we could be part of it.
In the other I found myself hid under a blanket where feelings clashed. The sheet was pulled over my eyes and offered me its safety, yet I felt so unsafe. My will pulled the cloth off my head and took in everything before me: stars freckling the deep night sky, some in clusters as if they were all meant for each other. The moon kissed the sun as it passed over. While the cosmos mingled above, I had my telescope. Through the lens I met the universe’s gaze. Suddenly the ground beneath me opened up and I fell through, though I did not resist gravity’s will. Millions of tiny lights like lightning bugs dispersed everywhere and I felt no end. I could hear those lights chiming as I endlessly descended. Accepting my fate, I believed it was all meant to be.
The memories faded.When I looked, around me were walls of white and I was sitting in a chair. Everything was blank and nothing stood out but the overwhelming serenity that filled the room. I hoped that someone would be waiting for me when I opened my eyes, though this moment I found myself in was enough. Before me were the last moments of the eclipse; the sun’s lover had passed her, and the moon had once again began her centuries-long journey to meet the sun once again, whenever that may be. In the final moments, the shade made way for the light to reach out, as if the universe had moved just for me. Destiny was running its course right before my eyes.
This piece was incredible, it really was. The expanded vocabulary and diction you chose to place in this piece was phenomenal. I loved the creativity and the imagination that was taking place in one room with a dim light and one drop of blood can represent a whole galaxy of solar systems and stars. This piece was amazing.
ReplyDeleteI loved the imagery you described throughout this whole flash fiction. It helped me to paint several pictures in my head that kept expanding as I read more and more. Great piece!
ReplyDelete- Alanah Arteaga
I liked the imagery used in this and how descriptive you are with the story. I also enjoyed how suspenseful and interesting the story was.
ReplyDeleteI love the connectivity with the astronomy in this piece of writing and the amount of creativity you put into this. The is truly an eye catching piece of work. Every word and sentence I grew more interested in it. 10/10 !!
ReplyDeleteYour use of imagery to set the scene and draw the reader in was very good. Your choice of words allowed me to feel like the speaker and how the scene relates to some of my own experiences.
ReplyDelete-Ezinne Abba
The vocabulary and detail in this really makes me feel like I'm in the story. I love astronomy and stars so reading this was really interesting. Very creative
ReplyDeleteSarah Skibby
Per. 2
I love the metaphor of the eclispe to a story of love and sadness. I believe that this is a great story emphasizing the idea of fate and, like you said, destiny.
ReplyDelete-Edmund Yim
The imagery used is so vivid that I could picture everything as I was reading it. It was very calming and peaceful - especially with the romantic perspective on the stars and sky. It's a beautiful piece and I loved it.
ReplyDelete- Megan Kukwa
Wow, Angela! This piece's imagery and vivid detail allowed me to really relate to the piece as I found myself picturing exactly what you described. The transition from reality to memory and back to reality was so smooth it felt like I was actually there. I love astronomy and space as well. Great piece! -Kenneth Chen
ReplyDeleteAngela, this piece is incredible! I love the use of diction and imagery and I enjoyed how you wrote this. I love the concept of the galaxy or solar systems and stars and just your creativity process of making this piece. I’m just amazed and just wow. Great Job! I love this.
ReplyDeleteThe visual and tactile imagery illustrated in this piece was very well written and i enjoyed reading this.
ReplyDeleteI thought the imagery used in your piece was stunning! I love descriptions of the massive universe that we live in and the cosmos, and your story described it well. -Brandon Porter
ReplyDeleteEverything in this piece was excellent, the imagery, personification, and hyperbole really added to the overall quality. I loved how descriptive and creative you were as well as the diction you used.
ReplyDeleteThe opening paragraph to this piece made me feel like I was reading the script to an indie movie. By this, I don't mean the kind that is poorly produced, but the kind that wins Academy Awards! I loved your use of visual imagery and how you connected everything (from the dim room to the telescope to the drop of blood on you finger that swelled like the colorful nebulas) to the eclipse so smoothly. I am so glad to have had the pleasure of reading this beautiful piece! -Lauren Whightsil
ReplyDeleteI loved the diction and how the imagery was vivid and set the scene.-Ladaijah
ReplyDeleteYour use of detail, imagery and figurative language was outstanding. I imagined myself in the places of this peace and it made me feel at peace while reading this. It was so mesmerizing. It reminded me greatly of a song by one of my favorite bands, BTS, not only because of the name of your piece but because of the beautiful imagery you used which was also mesmerizing like the music MV they used for the song. -Genesis Mendoza
ReplyDelete