Lost and Found--Cienna

As a child, I was raised in a strong, christian family. We attended church every Sunday and sometimes Saturday. Up until I was 10 years old, I believed nothing bad could happen to me, because as long as I believed, God would protect me. I miss my ignorance; it was blissful. In December, 2010, my eldest sister, Myesha, passed away. From this day, my life took a turn. My childhood of pulchritude and perfection quickly disintegrated before my eyes and I was thrown into a somber reality. Following my sister's death, my parents separated and later, I lost my childhood home. By 2013, I had been to several therapists. I was filled with anger and suffered from depression and anxiety at the age of thirteen. I prayed and received no direct answer. I felt lost and hopeless and God was nowhere to be found. I questioned His love for me and His very existence. How could God create me and put me through so much? How could He watch me sink into depression and allow me to lose everything and everyone I ever cared about? How could such a being exist? These questions ran through my mind; day-in and day-out. I strayed away from my faith and my family. I stopped praying; my prayers never seemed to be answered anyway. I was homeless, my father was jobless. We went from having everything to nothing.
I was foolish to question my beliefs and to question God. Yes, I lost all that I believed was important but I had everything that I needed every step of the way; God made sure of that. One of my family members took my father, brother, and I in. My father got back on his feet very quickly. My second eldest sister provided me and my brother with emotional support and sometimes financial. God ridded all the toxic people in my life so I could find self-love, something that I had been missing for years. I was so blinded by what I had lost, I didn’t realize what I had gained. I questioned the belief of my savior because I felt as if He let me down when in reality, I let him down. God never gave up on me, even when I gave up on him. God was

preparing me for life. He took me down the path He intended for me not the path I tried to venture lead by my own direction. He proved himself to me even though He owes me nothing and I owe Him everything. My questions strengthened my love and loyalty to Him. I have a new appreciation for everything and everyone around me. When I lost my beliefs, I lost myself. However, when I discovered them again, I gained so much more than I had before. I am grateful for all that I have and all I have earned over the past seven years. I am truly blessed with God by my side.