Reflections of my Past--Oved

Money, power, and respect is the way to be truly successful in life. Friendships and
compassion are emotions that will get you nowhere in life, because those emotions do not win you any money, any power, any respect, they are signs of weakness. That’s the way I thought in the early stages of my life and the way that I lived for a huge portion of it. Being raised as a poor child apart of a poor and broken family, having a normal childhood was impossible. Both my parents worked every single day, came home very late and left very early in the morning just so that there’s enough food on the table so that I wouldn’t starve, so that I could get by. The times I did see my parents, they would hardly acknowledge me and when they did, all they simply said was to make sure I did what I was supposed to. I took a lot of what my parents were going through to heart, I saw everything that they saw and realized that money does make one happy. At that moment, it was clear to me what I needed to do, and that was to best support my family with anything and everything I had. At 6 years old I started asking neighbors for work, I helped people with tasks and got money in return. Anything worth of value that I received, I made the most of what it got me. As I grew older, so did my ambitions for money, for power, for respect. Everything that I thought of, everything that I did was for my family. When my brothers were born, they motivated me to work harder and harder so that they could have luxuries I never had as a kid growing up. When I was going into my 6th grade year, everyone I associated myself with helped me make more money. I then got recruited to join a group of cholos that ran the neighborhoods on the blocks in the area. They gave me something that I never experienced as a child, they gave me acceptance for who I was, they loved me for who I was, they gave me a purpose and respected me, they gave me everything that my family didn’t. What the gang did was provide the needs that I did not have as a child. Everything I earned was used to help my parents pay bills, to help put food on the table and to buy the things that my little brothers wanted. I gave them everything and felt proud of it.The deeper I got and the more involved I got, the more I sacrificed and the harder it would make it for me to back out. I was taught to be ruthless and cold, and that’s exactly the way that I was turning out. Many people who needed help, I ignored. Those who sought compassion and friendship I gave no respect to. This continued until about 8th grade, when I was betrayed by the same group of people that took me in, the same people who offered themselves with open arms, only to play me for a fool. It took a lot of blood and tears to get myself together, to rid myself of the guilt for the heinous acts I committed on innocent. During these times I reflected on the way I was and on what I did, I decided that I needed to change, not only for myself but so that my family would not have to suffer for these mistakes I made. I even prayed to god for guidance and for help, I prayed for a second chance. The change happened when we came to a new school district, at a new home, at a new life, the start of my freshman year, something that I

took from god as my second chance. The change affected my life in ways I can’t explain. The old me was gone, and the new me is who you see today. It’s hard for me to talk about my past, to talk about my experiences and from where I’m from. It’s even hard for me to think about my past to this day, and the fear of returning back to that state of evil is what keeps me up every night. The fear of being swallowed by the same demons I created with my own hands, the fear of returning to the darkness that I worked so hard to be rid of, the fear of being a failure. To hear from people that the change is evident and that I am making a difference in the lives of others keeps me motivated and drives me to become better. To become a better friend, a better brother, a better son, a better student, a better athlete, a better human being.