Monday, March 20, 2017
Water-- Kierra
After a lengthy summer day of volunteering at the local senior citizens home, I was
exhausted and collapsed as soon as I got home. When I woke up again, there was not a single
ounce of daylight left. I checked the time and my watch read 9:43 pm, which made me
extremely nervous, considering that my mom said she wanted the dishes washed by the time
she got home at 10pm. So, I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to complete what was asked
of me. I grabbed a dish towel, I grabbed the dish detergent and placed all the dishes in the sink.
Keep in mind, we just got the kitchen remodeled so I wasn’t too familiar on how to use many
things, including the fancy faucet. Just as I go to turn the water on, the knob comes flying in my
direction with water flowing every way possible. Now, not only am I nervous about finishing the
dishes by 10pm, but there’s an even bigger problem on my hands. As I frantically began to look
for objects to hold the massive water flow, a loud rumbling sound came over me from the
garage. At that point, I completely lost it. I had tried everything from continuously turning on the
garbage disposal in order to flush out the water to filling up thousands of coffee mugs and wine
glasses. I was so nervous, I was literally drowning in my own thoughts regarding the way my
mom would react.
In that very moment, every bit of time mattered and every door that would be opened and
closed by my mom haunted me. The first one was the closing of the garage door. Before I knew
it, there was only one door left and I had circled the kitchen a million times already without a
solution. Then, the final door that connects the laundry room to the hallway closed shut. I
suddenly woke up with a deep sigh, thanking God that the aforementioned content didn’t
actually occur.
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Haha this piece sounds about right when us as children are supposed to do something and we wait till the last moment and everything that can go wrong, goes wrong I liked that you were able to express the emotions you were feeling and made it so we could relate in a way.. Great Job!! :) stay thiccc
ReplyDeleteYes! I'm glad you could understand/relate to my story and I definitely need to practice not waiting until the last minute because it truly causes anxiety no matter the situation.
DeleteYou definitely had me fooled that it wasn't a dream until the very end!! It was very suspenseful .. making me wait for how the mom in the story would react. That's why the ending was so effective. Great Job!! --Megan T
ReplyDeleteSpoiler alert!!!! I like how you built up to the suspense because I was on the edge of my seat trying to figure out what happened because I know if that happened to me, my mom would probably hit me. I also like how that last sentence was a plot twist because I just admire stories that have plot twists in them.
ReplyDelete-Matthew Jimenez
This was a really creative story, I liked the twist at the end. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Marlene Gonzalez
That felt like a horror story! You did great making it very suspenseful.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness.. I was really sitting here thinking 'man, her mom is going to kill her.. the dishes were not done AND there is water everywhere?!' BUT to find out it was a dream made me laugh out loud, actually. I'm glad you didnt have to experience the wrath of mother realizing the dishes were not cleaned! Love it!!! hahahaha.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nora! I'm glad this made you laugh!
DeleteThanks Nora! I'm genuinely happy that my story made you laugh:)
DeleteI like how this story shows how we suffer from panic and procrastination, and the twist with the dream at the end give the story a great ending.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I did laugh when I read this because the descriptions and imagery was much too real! Good thing it was only a nightmare because we all know how scary mothers can be when what we've been asked to do hasn't been completed.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was relatable in the sense that we all procrastinate on the little things we're supposed to do. There are countless times I remember procrastinating on cleaning my room. I enjoyed reading this great job!
ReplyDeleteI often dream about the consequences of my procrastination, and I usually wake up panicked. Though I never dreamt about my mom getting mad at me for not doing a chore, I am pretty sure that a lot of people could relate. -Martina Panganiban
ReplyDeleteThis piece made me feel stressed and anxious as I kept reading on. I'm sure if I was in your place, my mom would've yelled at me and make me feel bad haha I like how you twisted the piece with a dream and relieve the anxiety that I was feeling while reading it. Overall Good Job Kierra!
ReplyDeleteWow I actually thought that this was happening, but it was just all just a dream. I liked the way you portrayed the suspenseful and frantic emotions of the person. I can totally relate with this piece because of the intense procrastination,
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHA Kierra I LOVED this so much!!!!!! Honestly while I was sitting and read this I was trying my nest to finishing reading this quickly because I couldn't stand or be patient to know what would happen in the end. It so funny how you explained that you were filling up bottles and coffee cups, in my opinion if I were you I would just be honest with my mom and be like I accidentally broke the faucet. It' s hilarious how you ended it with it just being a dream, but I think that it's very interesting how we tend to fear minor consequences like this. Personally my mother has never punished me for making such minor mistakes because in the end of the day I was honest with her and also on the other hand she understands that I am a human who is going to commit some mistakes in life. The most important thing is that we learn from our mistakes because mistakes are necessary in life to learn from. All in all I am so glad you wrote this because I enjoyed the message that I gained from it and that humor that came along with it as well!!!!
ReplyDeleteWoW Safa! Thanks for reminding me to be a little less anxious about the countless mistakes we are bound to make as human beings. I'm glad you enjoyed this so much!!!
DeleteHonestly I think I laughed a little to hard at this probably because I was picturing all of this happening and you running around crazily. I was really in suspense the whole time and even thought about what my mother would have done if that would have happened to me. Great story! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteI actually thought this happened!! It's great how you allowed us to walk through your dream with you. I imagined this happening to me and the emotions that would feel. This was a wonderful piece.
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious. The fear is very real and I think most of us can relate. Your story also perfectly reflects that feeling or anxiety when things seem to be getting progressively worse as time runs out.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you enjoy this! Time always seems to run out so quickly for me! I definitely need to start writing things down so I don't forget as often.
DeleteHaha! The subject of this piece, having to do a household chore, is so light and trivial, but the way you wrote about it captured that sense of dread that fills all of us when we forget to do something our parents ask. This was super funny, I loved it!
ReplyDeleteThe suspense was crazy! I enjoyed reading this. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI loved this story! Mainly because, and im sure i can speak for many on her, the fear of our mothers is insane! Especially when they just get home from work! They dont say hi or hows your day, they just start looking for things that wrong with the house and start yelling about it! But anyways, amazing job with the piece!
ReplyDeleteI could not help but laugh when reading this piece because this is exactly how I react when I am given chores and forget to do them so I have to rush and finish hahahahaha! I loved how you described the entire situation and the urgency you were feeling because that is how I react and I end up freaking out and making a mess! Overall, really great piece!!
ReplyDelete-Gabbie B.
This was so funny, Kierra. I felt like I was experiencing the story firsthand I could literally feel the anxiety at the thought of getting a longgg lecture as soon as my parents got home and saw the mess that was created LOL i loved it!
ReplyDeleteThanks girl! I was thinking of so many possible consequences if this were to actually happen, and a long lecture was definitely at the top of that list lol
DeleteThe absolute terror I felt throughout your piece was very relatable. Your piece was very well written and relatable, great job.
ReplyDeleteThis piece really made me chuckle. I understand the feeling when you're given chores that are supposed to do them before your parents come home, and then you decide to do them last minute. There's a sort of frantic panic to rush and do all of them but then other problems occur and you're left with a situation like this one. I really enjoyed how this piece was very universal, and how you really emphasized the sense of urgency. You did a really good job
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy you liked my story! I wish I could complete all of my chores with a sense of urgency but I just really dread doing them lol
DeleteThis is so cute! I love how this is something most of us can relate to, and your story exemplifies the fear most of us have about our parents reactions to us not doing stuff. When I finished reading I could not help but smile because the fear in your story was so relatable, and I love the way it ended up just being a dream! Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe way you explained the sudden anxiety you felt once you hear the garage door open is priceless HAHA. I can relate to this and it's as if once the garage door opens and something is wrong, my anxiety level shoots up. Great use of imagery, I didn't expect the ending to be a dream. Good job!
ReplyDeleteLOLOL yess, I loved it! The vocabulary incorporated was nice and I liked how you could connect easily to the character of accidentally breaking something.
ReplyDelete-Vivian Chiang
I really enjoyed this piece because it was so relatable! I don't purposely wait last minute but sometimes chores ond procrastination will just pile up. Great job! - Brianna Garcia
ReplyDeleteAh, this piece brought back some bad memories of my numerous procrastinated chores, although thankfully none have ended in a disaster! I really enjoyed your piece, great job!
ReplyDeleteThe use of imagery was so vivid that it reminds me of my life and as well as the dreams that i have had and woken and told myself thank goodness it was just a dream because the outcome would have been horrible.
ReplyDeleteI love how you were able to create such a stressful and chaotic situation in such a short piece. I was really concerned for a minute there but also found it hilarious that so much went so wrong so quickly. Well written piece good job!
ReplyDeleteI love this story, the whole time i was just imagining what your mom would say when she came in. The whole thing is very vivid and realistic, good use of diction.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was so funny and so relatable, this happened to me in the eighth grade! The amount of anxiety and panic you described was something I believe any person would have if they hadn't completed something and something else broke and made a mess. The way the events played out was hilarious and I really liked how you provided plenty of imagery to make the reader feel as if they were there, nice job!
ReplyDelete-Bryanna Torres
This does a wonderful job of tapping into a very relatable sense of anxiety and pressure. Even to the last line, kept me anticipating and laughing, great job.
ReplyDeleteWow this story is so witty haha the end really got me! Your imagery was amazing great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece Kierra it was really funny because I could imagine it happening and just how you would react. I like the use of diction making it seem like the worst situation you had ever been in. Very good job!
ReplyDelete-Cameron Smith
This piece is so funny, and I am sure we can all relate. Your use of detail really added to the suspense! Good job!
ReplyDelete- Jade B.
Oh shoot!! I got scared for you!! hahahhah!! I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to this! Great work with imagery! Great Job!
ReplyDelete-Harley Liera
Great job! I definitely have had those dreams that feel super real. I was convinced all of this was happening considering I put hand soap in the dish washer. I literally was seeing the mess you had created. Then you woke up lol
ReplyDelete-J'Noie Parker
This was such a "Gotcha!" piece. I was so invested in this story that I actually felt bad that you were put in that situation. And well, that was a mistake! You described this frantic situation so well, and made doing housework/chores so relatable. Great Work!
ReplyDelete-Jordan Lee
As I was reading this, my heart started racing and my palms started to sweat. I completely understand the extreme anxiety and frustration of attempting to complete a chore before a parent got home; this piece really resonated with me. You did a spectacular job encapsulating the anxious, frenetic tone imagined by the dilemma presented and maintaining the humor throughout the piece.
ReplyDeleteThe frantic rush of the sudden realization of not doing your chores is something i can imagine most of us have gone through once time or another.I never expected the ending.
ReplyDeleteThank you to everyone who read and/or commented on my story! I loved all of your kind comments and don't forget to complete tasks far before the due date:)
ReplyDeleteThis is a very relatable piece! Just as things can't get any worse, they to do get worse! The anxiety is real when you have expectations to meet in short time notice. Thanks for making me laugh!
ReplyDelete-Nwojo Abba
This piece is so beyond relatable to us as teenagers who are always asked to do something and we end up waiting until the very last moment to do it and then something goes wrong lol. I guess this can teach us not to wait until the last minute to do things.
ReplyDeleteThis was a rollercoaster haha. I thought your narration was hilarious and well written.
ReplyDelete-Andre Burgos
This sounds like many of the dreams I find myself having. It must have something to do with people's busy day to day lives lately. Anyways, great piece, it was both funny and stressful.
ReplyDelete