My siblings and I always love going on little trips together. Today we decided to visit Santa Monica. We spend the day at the beach and then tour the nearby streets and visit the tiny shops that contain the thrifty antique decorations. Time flies and before we know it, it’s 10:00 pm. It’s getting late so we decide to head home. Of course to our luck, our phones don’t have any signal so we are not able to pull up the GPS to get directions to go back home. However, my oldest brother, the one driving thinks he remembers the way back to the freeway. Thirty minutes pass by and we are still driving around the streets and alleys of Santa Monica; my brother not able to find his way. We enter this alley, still lost, that is basically pitch black. I notice this old lady walking her dog a few hundred feet ahead of us. One of the my brothers suggest that we ask the old lady for directions, but I disagree. The fact that an old lady is walking her dog in an alley at 11:00pm is nothing but sketchy. My oldest brother explains that we have no choice but to ask her for directions. He has a point, especially considering the fact that we’ve been lost for an hour. So we are driving closer and closer to the lady and to what looks like a golden retriever. As we are arriving closer I am slightly becoming more nervous. My oldest brother stops the car next to her, roles down the window and says “Excuse me!” The lady stops and glares at us. My brother politely explains to the women that we are lost and asks if she could just give us directions back to the freeway. The lady isn’t saying anything. She just keeps staring at us. My brothers and I are all confused at this point. My oldest brother repeats the question. Again the lady is standing still and staring at all of us. I look up at her face and notice that her eyes are glowing and all I see are white orbs. I look at the dog and notice that the old lady is not the only one with glowing orbs. The dog's eyes are glowing too! I don’t know if they’re glowing because of our headlights shining on her or if they’re glowing for some other odd reason. At this point I am freaking out. Who knows what the lady has in her pockets or what she is thinking. As my brother is still trying to get an answer from her, I am yelling at him to press on the gas. After constant yelling at my brother, he finally slams on the gas and we swerve around the lady and her dog and drive away from them. Before we turn out of the alley I look behind me still see the old lady standing at the same place watching our car...
This story was so freaky! I was already suspicious and saying "nope!" when you first mentioned the alley. I understand the dogs eyes glowing, but the old lady's?? Nope! Great Job! :P
ReplyDelete- Aliyah Dumas
ohhhh snap. I am so glad i wasn't you guys while reading this story because it sounds like the start of a horror movie where the old lady whips out a knife and slaughters all of you. -Rachel smith
ReplyDeleteI love the cliffhanger because we will never find out what was actually going on! Was the old lady and her dog just local residents disapproving of the youth for being out late or were there some supernatural elements involved? Good use of suspense!
ReplyDeleteI like the dark and mysterious tone of the story. The piece was very well written to be as good of a horror story as any. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWell, that was creepy as heck. I know if I were there I'd be squealing out of terror. You put it so well, "Sketchy." Anyways, great story haha. Its creepy aspect really captivated me.
ReplyDeleteI love horror stories, and this one was written very well. The first mention of the alley and a random old lady and I knew something was going to happen. Your dark, supernatural imagery and mysterious tone intensified the fear. I wonder what happened after they left.
ReplyDeleteI did not expect that ending although I really enjoyed the surprise. The curiosity of knowing more about the old lady and the dog is killing me; I want to know more!! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed reading this story due to the dark and suspicious tone throughout it and also very well written along with the imagery. Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteThis story sounds like the beginning of a really freaky urban legend that you would tell around a campfire, and it leaves us off on such an ambiguous note; was the old woman just some creepy old lady with glowing eyes from the headlights or a supernatural monster? Either way that is what makes this story so interesting and suspenseful. Really great job!
ReplyDeleteThe second you mentioned a lack of signal I knew some stuff was about to go down...you did a great ob keeping the suspense throughout the entire piece, but I was so looking forward to finding out what the old lady's deal was!
ReplyDeleteYikes. This story was ominous from the start- getting lost late at night, no reception, no GPS, a dark alley, an old lady. I would have been out the moment that lady didn't respond. I love the description of the eyes because it's creepy in the sense that you provided a perfectly valid and logical explanation yet still expressed that lingering doubt due to the whole sketchy situation. Great job.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, I like how you used the glowing eyes to distinct how dark the alleyn actually was.This reminded me how we should always trust our gut instinct.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is so riveting, the brother I crazy for wanting to ask someone at 11:00 at night for directions. I would have been like "you" in this instance and would be afraid for my life. You did a great job Farheen, you kept me intrigued till the very end!
ReplyDeleteThis piece is so riveting, the brother I crazy for wanting to ask someone at 11:00 at night for directions. I would have been like "you" in this instance and would be afraid for my life. You did a great job Farheen, you kept me intrigued till the very end!
ReplyDeleteThis story leaves plenty for the imagination and creates a suspenseful and ominous tone. I especially enjoyed how the only detail you've given to the reader is the glowy eyes because that alone raises so many questions and makes the reader extremely curious. Such a well written piece of flash fiction!
ReplyDeleteI am such a paranoid person when it comes to things like this! I really liked the suspense it made me want to keep reading to find out what the old lady would do! Great Job - Sophia Cordura
ReplyDeleteYour piece was so captivating! I was waiting at the edge of my seat to figure out if the old woman was going to say something freaky or scare you guys, your use of the word "sketchy" was so accurate a dark alley and an old lady NEXT. Yelling at your brother to push on the gas would have been something I would have said because dark alleys and old ladies again are not something to be messed with. Overall your piece was awesome!
ReplyDelete-Bryanna Torres
Thanks Bryanna! Yeah, sketchy allies are definitely not my place to be hahhaha!
Deletethis was so creepy! but I love it, like I want you to continue and keep telling me the story! i also love the twist, this truly was interesting! Good job :)
ReplyDeleteI want more!!! This was so good I can see this being a scene of a scary movie. I live the use of imagery which made th piece come alive. Very good job!
ReplyDelete-Cameron Smith
Such a creepy story! Love the foreshadowing and imagery! The eyes pulled the whole story together. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Harley Liera
Nuh Uh. thats creepy and scary and I absolutely loved it. Probably will be thinking of this at night so I guess I'll have to sleep with the lights on lol.... Wonderful and mysterious piece. Great job Farheen!!
ReplyDelete- Ishrat Khan
I really liked the details you used in this piece to give it a much more clear picture in my mind. I can't imagine being in a position like that but getting out there was the smartest thing to do! Good job!
ReplyDeleteFarheen ice cream shops are always the move lol! It's cute that you like to do things with your siblings. When I read the title of your piece I already was thinking "oh how'd they end up there?" Your piece was engaging. I was waiting for you to tell us the lady charged at you. Good work!
ReplyDelete-J'Noie Parker
This piece was mysterious and a great read. The suspense once you approached the woman and dog was intense and gave the story and every tone. I enjoyed reading this and never expected the woman to seem as if she had glowing eyes. Great job writing this.
ReplyDeleteI like that as the story progresses, it gets even more mysterious, and bizarre. Not to mention, having no resources at all to try and get you back home made the story even more ominous. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Jordan Lee
Thank You Jordan! I wanted to make sure that the characters had no resources at all to add to the effect!
DeleteFarheen your writing voice is EXACTLY like your regular conversational tone and I think that's an asset to you. Your story read very casually and it added to the overall effect of the story. I'm glad you fled from the alley, that's a SUSPICIOUS situation
ReplyDeleteThanks Joey!! Hahahaha, I did try to make this piece written in a casual way so I am glad you noticed!
DeleteOnce you mentioned there being no signal I immediately started shaking my head. This was wondrously dark and ominous. I especially love the supernatural aspect of the story through the mention of the glowing eyes. One question that I do have is: where was the dog in the end (I know you mentioned seeing the old lady still standing there but you never mentioned the dog)? Maybe it's just me overthinking, but the absence of the dog in the end has me extremely intrigued and anxious. Splendid job!
ReplyDeleteFrom the get-go, this story had n ominous tone. Getting lost in an unfamiliar place can be a scary thing. Let alone granny being off her rockers! Even at the end of this piece, we are still left with questions. Well done!
ReplyDelete-Nwojo Abba
This story was very interesting, and made we want to continue to read more as I kept on reading... Great job! -Lauren J.
ReplyDeleteThat was so creepy it gave me the chills! You wrote that so well, with the sense of fear, and suspense, and oh my goodness it had me almost closing my eyes at the end. I was already creeped out with the characters being lost in the middle of the night and then it just escalated from there. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI read this piece because the title attracted me and I'm glad that it did! This was super gripping and fun to read.
ReplyDelete-Andre Burgos