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Wednesday, January 25, 2023

Tales of the Bozo Brigade Humble Beginnings and Amphibian Extortion--Brandon

 


Do you seek adventure and whimsy? An escape from the bleak, boring reality we live in? Then,

can it be my pleasure to regale you with a tale of trials and tribulations? Of heroes and villains?

Of wizards and wyverns? And most importantly, of dungeons and dragons? First off, we must

begin with two adventurers and a sentient cat walking along a dirt road.


    We begin with our first traveler, Trigger Mendeleev, an alchemist with a brilliant mind

with a couple of screws loose. He is sadly a victim of a spell gone wrong, causing him to mutter

to himself and snatch the shiniest object within his vision. The potions expert is adorned with a

tattered cloak, singed at the ends, while also wearing a distinct belt with bottled potions attached

to it, each one glistening with vibrant color. Our next hero is a gunslinger renowned for their

dungeon-breaking prowess. His name, is Indo Wolfe, a skilled fighter, distinguished by his

signature flintlock and rapier at his side. Lastly, walking with them is a black cat adorned with a

pointed hat, just tiny enough to fit on his little head. His name is Chicket, a highly intelligent

feline, capable of power conjurations and illusions as well as understanding human speech. They

walk to Forg, a small village with a vibrant community for a lead on their quest, to find the last

wish.


    OH YES, I FORGOT ABOUT THAT PART! THE WHOLE REASON THEY’RE

TRAVELING! Oh I’m sorry about that, did I scare you? My apologies, I do tend to get

sidetracked. Now, where was I? Ah yes, the last wish. You see, the region of Forspeak was

prosperous long ago, led by five legendary heroes. These heroes were an orc woman with

incredible strength and a vicious rage, a hunter with a knack for tracking and eliminating his

target, an elf musician that captivated anyone with her siren song, and a dwarf who vowed to

avenge his fallen brethren. Lastly, they were led by an almighty wizard, capable of bringing

meteors down from the heavens. Although his name was lost to time, his legacy was not. He

constructed a castle, only known now as The Keep. It stands there, guarded by a fierce dragon,

surrounded by the Icoran Mountains. This castle is locked by four locks, one for each element,

water, fire, earth, and wind. The elemental keys are held hostage within their corresponding

towers across the region. Together, they guard the entrance to the last wish and the ability t to

change reality as we know it.


    So, we come back to our adventurers, walking down this dirt road towards the quant

village of Forg. Forg is a relatively new settlement, only housing a few people and having two

major buildings, Wendy’s Waffles and Weaponry, a weapons store combined with a diner, and an

apothecary, notably distinct with a green cross on the sign. It’s a quiet town accentuated by the

sunset as the entire town dwindles; children say goodbye to their friends and walk into their

homes, and adults come back from their hard labor to rest. Trigger and Indo walk into the town

and head straight to the end of the line. Chicket, on the other hand, decided to cut the line,

because no one pays attention to cats. He was wrong.


    Cricket weaves through the crowd, bobbing and weaving through each leg. He gracefully

slips through the door and is instantly found by the apothecary. “Hey, little buddy, what are you

doing here?” The man picks up Chicket, puts him on a bed, and goes to tend to the patient he was

just looking at. He’s unassuming with brown messy hair, a cross necklace around his neck, and

generally normal attire. He seems to constantly have a smile on his face, always happy to help

the next person without struggle. Despite being caught once for sneaking into the medical haven,

Chicket decided to sneak around. Or at least try. You see, Chicket is generally a stealthy kitty.

Despite this, the floorboards were so creaky that not even a feather could go unnoticed. And so,

Cricket was found by the healer, again and again. And over the next couple of hours, the line

dwindled until Trigger and Indo walk inside.


    The medic has a look of confusion when eyeing the two as he is unfamiliar with the two.

“Hello there, my name is Ralph, and welcome to Forg. How can I help you today?” Trigger goes

up to speak with him, but Indo puts his arm against him and goes up. “You see, my kind sir, we

have been traveling on a quest to obtain the wish spell. We were wondering if you had any

provisions or services you could provide to assist us.” Ralph eyes both of them closely and then

says, “I can provide my services on the field if need be. Although I’m an apothecary by trade, I

am also a cleric. You see, long ago, I was part of a band of adventurers who decided to split up

for efficiency. My partner at the time, a small Goliath named Hugh ventured with me east. We

found this village, rampant with illness and disease. So we took the time to stay here and aid the

village of Forg in any way we can. After some time, he left for the dwarf fortress of Tungstone. I

stayed here to continue to shepherd after the people and haven’t left since. I will join you, as long

as I reunite with my crew. Do we have a deal?” Ralph extends his hand out, his cheery facial

expression instantly changes into a serious look as he locks eyes with Indo. Indo looks to

Trigger, and he gives Indo a slight nod and he shakes his hand. Chicket is slightly peeved by this

event. By having another human onto the team, his plans for animal world domination diminish.

However, he has a plan. That night the crew heads to bed in Ralph’s home and is sleepy ‘til the

next morning.


    The next morning, Ralph, Indo, Trigger, and Chicket walk into Wendy’s, the diner and

weapons store mashup, looking for a job to take on to accumulate some funds. Chicket goes up

to the board and points to one about a lost frog. Indo takes it and reads it. The flyer says, “100

GP REWARD FOR FINDING LOST FROG. LAST SEEN NEAR THE BRIDGE” The group

decides to get some waffles to go and venture towards the bridge.


    At the bridge itself, they find several gnolls. Gnolls are hyenas turned into demonic,

humanoid creatures, hellbent on causing destruction wherever they go. They are nomadic

creatures, picking easy targets as their victims. They lack compassion or morals and often have

infighting within themselves. The gnolls snarl and surround the frog, surrounding it, leaving no

space for a possible exit. As the team walks towards the bridge, their scent is noticed by the

gnolls, and they ready their weapons. Indo shoots first, with his trusty flintlock, severely injuring

one of the gnolls in the shoulder. Cricket, the cat, casts Firebolt against another gnoll and causes

2nd degree burns across its arm. Trigger also casts Firebolt against the same gnoll, causing that

one to burn up in flames and perish. The gnolls ready their short bows and fire against the squad,

scraping Indo’s side and shooting Trigger in the leg. However, the shots fired against Chicket all

missed due to Chicket’s maneuverability. After the death of the last gnoll, Ralph heals the party

through his magic and the team recovers the frog. Chicket talks to the frog to see if he’s okay.

“Well, I’ll say, I never thought I would see the day that a cat could cast spells.” Well, you can

achieve the same power if you follow my plan.” “Well, what is this… plan of yours anyways?”

“Animal world domination. People have treated us too harshly for too long, the time for

retaliation is now! Your owner couldn’t even protect you, so why not leave her to protect

yourself?” “Hmmm, I’ll help you as long as you help me get out again.” “Again?” “You see, my

owner drags me around everywhere with her, the little girl is relentless. I need to be free from

children, from the same small terrarium.” “Then we have a deal” The frog sticks out his tongue

while Chicket takes it with his paws to solidify the deal. The team then returns the frog and

heads off on the road once more, slightly richer, and slightly more powerful.

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