Fated--Sophia

 

Isn’t it crazy how one simple action can change your life entirely? I tend to think back on how my life would have been different if I hadn’t moved states, if my mom was still around, or if I hadn’t met the people that I care for now. When I think about how far my relationships have grown, my curiosity strikes, and I wonder, “Did I ever think I was going to be (insert current situation) ?” For me, the answer is always no. I never pictured myself being in love, especially in high school. When I was in middle school, my friends would ask if I wanted a boyfriend and I’d respond, “No. It’s too much effort and it’s stupid.” I had that same belief for many years and to me, it also applied to having kids. The idea of having kids used to be extremely repulsive to me, my reasons being, “They’re expensive, annoying, and you don’t have time for yourself.” Those opinions have completely shifted for me because I met someone that I see myself having those things with. 

I’m sure most people reading this will think that I am naive and are guaranteeing to themselves that I won’t marry or have kids with this person, and to that I say, believe what you will. Now, I met this person last year in my AP Chemistry class. We rarely spoke to each other during the first semester, maybe a total of 3 times, and every time I interacted with him I was both extremely nervous and extremely happy. His personality seemed to brighten people’s moods, he made me laugh, and although he was sometimes obnoxious, he wasn’t afraid to be loud and speak his mind. I admired how easily he was able to speak to his peers, it was something that I struggled with because of how shy I was and, frankly, still am. I confessed my feelings for him to a past friend of mine and it so happened that they were really good friends. She tried to push me to confess to him but of course, I’d never do such a thing. Nearing the end of the semester, one night she invited me to a study session for finals, and he was coming along. I had never been so excited to study. I typically would’ve been scared to ask my parents to do something so last minute, but as soon as I heard he was going, I immediately ran to their room. I went to the “study session,” which actually turned out to be a hangout, and we both made it apparent that we were interested in each other. I say "apparent" now, but to each of us back then, the other did not make clear enough signs. He and I walked together, separating from the group, and I'd catch my friends’ suspicious glances and curious smiles. We ignored them and continued to talk. Going back to the house we watched a movie and I was determined to sit by him without making my interest too obvious. I tried to be nonchalant and said, “Scoot over,” with the most straight-faced look, but behind that facade, I had a huge grin on my face and my cheeks were red. I suggested a scary movie so that if I “got scared,” he’d be right there to protect me. When we were leaving, I said bye to my two friends, and that was it. I didn’t acknowledge him, at all. He brings it up to me every now and then and I still deny the fact that I rudely and confusingly didn't say anything. 

We’ve been together for 8 months now, and it is still shocking to me how much he has changed my views. I want to have a family now and have kids that I can make do chores for me. I want to be able to have a home filled with love and laughter. I never would have felt the amount of happiness that I do now if I never went to that study session. I wonder what my life would be like if my parents had told me I couldn't go. This simple occurrence has changed not only the course of my life but my values and goals for the future. If I could go back in time, I’d do everything the same way, just to ensure that I had him by my side. He has taught me what it means to put in effort, to have patience, and to show how much you love someone.