John woke up to the sound of birds and the painful feeling of sleeping on the solid ground. The
trees grew tall and the animals ran free. A place seemingly untouched by any human. With no
food, no water, and no recollection of where he is, John grew worrisome at the knowledge of
this. Instantly memories of all sorts of survival movies and books rushed into his head, “The
Blue Lagoon”, The Hatchet , Lord of the Flies . The endless forest that he now would call home.
John felt weak in every muscle. Movement was only to dream of due to his exhaustion and
dehydration. With this restriction, the only available food was a rotted pear within arms reach.
The pear stunk of alcohol. This seemed odd to John as the stench remained after he tossed the
pear. John knew that this was a mistake as this is a survival situation and he must eat anything
he was able to get his hands on. John slowly began eating, first a nibble, a gag, another nibble,
and another gag. With force John was able to eat about half of the pear, the terrible aftertaste
and soft slimy texture did not help aid the pounding headache that was now forming in John's
head. John now focused on finding somewhere comfortable to lay until the headache was
relieved. With a slow moan and with all the force he had, John began to crawl over to a tree to
rest his head. By the tree he found a bottle. He figured that this is what was causing the stench
of alcohol. As John laid his pulsing head against the tree, he saw a figure move in the corner of
his eye. Fear immediately struck him and his adrenaline seemed to have made all of his
symptoms disappear, John was now wide awake. He saw the shadow again and it seemed all
too similar. Its black fur with orange and white streaks. Something out of a dream maybe. The
animal came closer and closer, greeting John with a rough lick of its tongue. The sandpaper
feeling of the lick was all too familiar as well. With enough investigation he was able to realize
that this was his cat, but what would his cat be doing in the forest all alone. John finds the
strength to stand up and with a squint he is able to identify a building, his house. John
immediately was relieved but now confused. He couldn't help but think to himself, “what a great
way to start the new year”.
I laughed really hard at the end. This is probably the most creative way to explain how drunk someone got the night before at a party. I was confused as I was reading because it was such a short piece and I was waiting to see what it was all about and was expecting this huge twist (which still came but not the way I expected). Creative and really fun to read.
ReplyDelete- Alessandro S p. 5
This is a really interesting piece, the reader is filled with a sense of dread, until the end, when the true location is revealed to be John's own house. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThis was really entertaining. I like how you set it up to be intense and suspenseful, with little bits of foreshadowing that make the reader ask questions and keep reading, and I especially enjoyed and laughed at the twist at the end; it took a second, but when you understand it, it makes the story all the more rewarding. - Fatima J.
ReplyDeleteThat's a really funny way to explain someone's situation, I was curious of where the story could lead when it was so short and suspenseful and I'm satisfied with the quick twist.
ReplyDeleteThe vivid imagery and high-level diction created a great foundation on which you built an intriguing and unpredictable story. I enjoyed the plot twist at the end of the story, I certainly wasn't expecting. Great story!
ReplyDeleteIt was confusing at first but it made me laugh towards the end. I loved the use of climax. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very creative as well as intriguing. It makes readers curious as to what's happening to John and where he is at. The ending is funny and ties the story together. Overall, great job! - Taylor Clayton
ReplyDeletewowwwww. The plot twist at the end was really funny, I wasn't expecting that at all. LOL. This piece really made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting that ending at all but it was still an enjoyable and creative piece to read! Your use of descriptive and vivid imagery kept me intrigued and wanting to read more. Good job!
ReplyDelete- Lexi Gomez, p.4
I really liked this piece, it kept me wondering as a read through it, and had a surprising ending. You did a great job of describing everything that was happening, which really helped make your piece great. -Daniel Recinos Per. 4
ReplyDeleteThis piece of fiction brings the element of humor into a unfamiliar situation and let's the reader put together clues from abstract thought. Very well written and creativly thought out.
ReplyDeleteWow that was funny. Thtis definitely shows the funny hallucinations a drunk/hangover person feels with the cluelessness and fear they feel when first waking up. Never laughed so hard before over a drunk person.
ReplyDeleteLelani
At first, I saw how short this piece was so I was really curious to say how it would end and a great ending it was! I like how you incorporated the stench of alcohol and the cat's tongue into his dream and how it brought him back into reality. This is something you'd find in a movie, great job.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece. I found it interesting that it was hard to tell the difference between reality and johns illusion.
ReplyDeleteI loved the piece, some of the adjectives such as "sandpaper feeling of the lick" were well chosen. It also was a nice little joke at the end, Good Job!
ReplyDelete-Ramsey Perez
Wow man, the plot twist was amazing and the ending was hilarious. Great job! -Ayo Latinwo
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very interesting, it had me curious in the beginning and the it got very suspenseful, but the ending was pretty funny.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. The ending is definitely not what i was expecting at all. This is a great piece. The imagery made the piece seem intense and serious and it took a comedic turn. great job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece immediately caught my attention, and kept me entertained all throughout. The details were super vivid, especially the ones that involve the senses; it almost felt like I was the drunken guy. The humorist ending was a nice touch.
ReplyDelete-Andre Perez
I really loved this piece because i thought it was very creative and thoughtful. The plot twist at the end was what really made it funny. I couldn't help but laugh after reading this. The ending was so unexpected and throughout the story i kept guessing what might happen next making me want to read more.
ReplyDeleteCompletely unexpected. Great details, especially the small ones, everything slowly all pieced together to form such a creative and hilarious ending. -Jon-Vincent Castro P.5
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very interesting. Each continuing sentence brought something new and unexpected to the overall story. I appreciate how vivid you made your work. Great job!
ReplyDeleteEzinne Abba
This piece really surprised me because for a second, I thought the story would lead somewhere related to the book "Lord of the Flies" but it was all a dream. Good job! -Amy Lau
ReplyDeleteThe descriptions are very detailed and make you feel as if you were in the story yourself. The diction as well as the references to books set the mood for this piece. I also like how you incorporated humor.
ReplyDeleteGot me there at the end! There were so much details throughout the whole piece, using different types of senses(smell, taste, touch). Good job!
ReplyDeleteOh man I love tjat plot twist at the end. It was so funny and creative and I thought you built up to it really well. The way you descrived his "survival instincts" made it all the more deceptive since you truly only get it the second time you read it. Great Job.
ReplyDeleteThe ending of this was definitely not expected, but its was a great read. I really liked how the story starts off very mysterious, like i have to keep guessing what is going to happen next for it to have a pretty funny ending. Good job on this! --Kayla Leonard
ReplyDeleteI was definitely not expecting the story to end like this. It reminds me a lot the family reunions that I have with my extended family and it had me dyyyyyyying at the end. Absolutely loved your piece and that plot twist made it even better!!!
ReplyDelete-Oved Renteria
I was so confused as to where this was going at first and was so intrigued to find out where he was haha but I loved the plot twist. Great job of getting my attention straight from the start.
ReplyDeleteThe amount of creativity put into this work was incredibly awesome! The mystery and the foreshadowing of alcohol was a great way to snatch onto the readers attention. Great Job!!!
ReplyDeleteI liked the funny plot twist at the end and how you built up to it with the stench of alcohol. I liked how the title fit in with the twist at the end of the narrative giving it humorous tone.
ReplyDeleteI love how the beggining makes the reader bewildered and confused but as you read more and more of the story it all makes scence. It's like a puzzle and each sentence is like a puzzle piece that get put together to make one clear image. -Genesis Mendoza Per.3
ReplyDeleteThe plot twist was really unexpected and funny. I liked how you built up to the end of the story by stating the stench of the alcohol. Great funny piece overall.
ReplyDeleteA humorous turn of events for someones dumb decisions the night before! I really like how the Title gives context to the conclusion to your piece. Great job
ReplyDeleteInteresting piece, definitely seems like one that comes from at least some experience. And there ain't nothing wrong with that, great stuff
ReplyDeleteGreat story. Your excellent use of imagery and diction made this piece intriguing, not to mention such an unexpected twist. Well done. - Taren Thomas
ReplyDeleteI honestly did not see that plot twist coming, it was so funny and I loved the imagery and tone you used to really grasp the reader in. It was a really well thought out piece, and they way it was written was very interesting as I had to piece everything together rather than just be given what was happening!
ReplyDelete- Tyger Ghodossi
good job you did a great piece and I really liked it a lot
ReplyDelete