Love Yourself--Christina

Ever since I was a child, I always questioned everything. I never really grasped the idea of life and why things happened the way it did. All I could remember throughout my childhood was watching the many altercations between my mother and father. Although I didn’t truly understand what was happening, I knew it wasn’t a good sign. Every other day I would be talking with some random person asking me questions about my parents and who I favored more or who treated me better, like as if I was SUPPOSE to choose one over the other. But as years went on, my brother and I got seperated from my mom and moved away with my dad. As a kid, I was able to visit my mom on the weekends and I made sure I cherished every moment with her. But that all changed when I hit adolescence; our visits became left frequent as it turned from once a week, to once every 2 weeks, and then to once every month. See, the thing is she knew how to express her affection, she knew how to say “I love you”, and she even knew exactly what to say when life was just not going right. My dad, on the contrary, didn’t know how to do any of that. I know he didn’t do it intentionally given the culture he was raised by, but it just kind of sucks to go home from a bad school day, crying into my pillow, and have no one come to my rescue with those bed-side talks that parents always give in the movies. I felt like I had to deal with my problems alone, that I needed to just “move on” instead of solving the issue. I had to fight my own battles instead of running to my parents to deescalate the situation. I never even got help with homework because even if I did ask my dad, he had no education experience to begin with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to set my dad up to be the bad guy because he definitely did care for me, never laid a hand on me, and even made sure there was food on the table every day. But even though he was present in my life physically, he just wasn’t there emotionally. And I think to myself, after all these years, I still stand here strong. I’ve learned to not let the worst get to me and that I can get through anything on my own. I personally had to push myself to strive for something that I knew wasn’t easy because only a challenge will help build a person. I always had doubters throughout my life, due to my circumstances, and convinced themselves that I wouldn’t accomplish anything. I’ve been stepped on by people who I thought would always have my back but you never know how close your doubters really are. And yes, it did hurt me quite a bit, but I persevered and I pushed hard. I studied continuously so that I would get accepted into a great college and not only prove to my doubters that I did have something going for me but also to prove to myself that I’m NOT that person that they described. In the end, I guess my hard work did pay off. My mentality has progressed tremendously to where their opinions have become irrelevant. So, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplish and how I turned out to be. But, hopefully when I’m off to attend my 4-Year Public University, waking up to a beach in my backyard, my doubters won’t miss me too much…