Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Blake--The Night
Today is my birthday, April 20th, and I was just getting home from a day at work and I sat down to watch the news. I was going to dinner with my family tonight so I knew I needed to get ready soon. Right before I got up from watching television I heard something on the news that caught my attention. The anchor said, “This just in, a young boy has gone missing after parents describe a creature to have taken him into the woods”; I just froze and looked back to the screen. Horrified I kept watching to see what else happened they described the creature to be human like but very skinny, pale, crawling on all fours with big teeth and big eyes that glow in the night like cats or raccoon’s eyes would. By this point I was thinking about “THE NIGH”. It was exactly 12 years ago I was 10 at the time and it was my birthday and I was having a sleepover party with all my friends and we were playing hide and seek in the dark outside. We were all having fun until we heard a scream. We ran to the direction it came from thinking someone tripped and got heart. My friends and I got there and we saw our friend lance on the ground holding his leg that was bleeding. He looked very scared like he just saw a dead person so we asked him what happened. He told us that a big white creature with big eyes attacked him and scratched his leg up and then ran off after he screamed. We just told him that it was probably just a raccoon but he said it was way too big for a raccoon. So we just shook it off and went inside and cleaned his cut off and then went to play video games. After video games we had to go to bed so as we were getting our stuff on the couches and ground something caught my attention outside I saw some sort of rustling in the bushes and I saw a flash of grey and then nothing. I didn’t tell anyone because I thought that I was just tired and needed some sleep after our long night. A few nights after the party I the same bush rustling and this time I saw more than just grey I saw two glowing eyes look up at me…I froze in fear, I thought to myself I have to go tell my parents right before I ran to get them he smiled and started moving toward my house! At this point I was sprinting to my parents room, It was 2:00 am and they were sound asleep, as I got in the room I yelled, “GET UP THERES A MONSTER OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE” and since I was a ten year old they just thought I had a terrible dream but I told them to come and see so they walked to the living room window with me and there was nothing. I never saw it again after that night. After watching that broadcast I was terrified it scared me that it was real. The worst part about it was that the couple that had their child abducted were living in my old house…
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A scary story with a hint of irony. I wonder what the monster looks like because when I pictured it, I saw a white werewolf although I'm not sure if that is what you intended. It's funny that these fears turn into reality when we least expect it. Good job on the story though, I thoroughly enjoyed it. - Alyssa Tandoc, Period 4
ReplyDeleteI loved how you made our story scary & ironic. good job!
ReplyDeleteI love that his birthday is on 4/20
ReplyDeleteThat's my real birthday
DeleteNice story! Good job in your description of the monster, descriptions like that are what make stories real to the reader, especially in scary stories!
ReplyDelete-Marissa Putrick
That was a great story and has a great plot with just the right amount of suspense.
ReplyDeleteI read your last line so many times because it was so suspenseful & I love how it leaves so much imagination to the reader to figment the ending. I also really like how the narrator considers that because he let fear keep him from speaking up, he might share the responsibility for the boy's abduction . It was a very creative way to have your character view the situation! Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThe last sentence was OP. Great job
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting piece. I enjoyed reading it. I liked how you were able to connect the past and the present. I can see your writing skills improving in the future. Good work.
ReplyDelete-Anthony Giliberto Jr.
This was a very suspenseful read and you did a great job at describing the creature. The end was a surprise as well. Good job! -Courtney Jacques
ReplyDeleteThis story just goes to show that every now and then, kids are right. Good work
ReplyDeleteI liked your story, it makes me remember all those times as a kid I swore I saw something lurking around our house. Good job.
ReplyDeleteloved it and how you had a lot of details how it made it so real.
ReplyDeleteAshley Lowman
Wow Blake! This was a really cool story. I totally expected him to see the creature at the end but the plot twist you wrote in was much better, it added a new mysterious level to the story.
ReplyDeleteGood and creepy story, especially for a rainy night. I enjoyed the way you structured it and added the ironic element to have the story be more than just a simple scary tale.
ReplyDelete-Meghan Ustrell
OOooooo spooky, I liked how the blunt description allowed the reader to create their own monster.
ReplyDeleteThis was a fun story to read, great job describing the monster I could picture it in my head.
ReplyDelete-Celeste Martinez
I liked how you described everything in the story because while reading it I imagined it.
ReplyDelete-Kasandra Felix
Nice piece, i love it. Good Job!
ReplyDelete-Sirikanya Boonyanant
I liked the story the ending was a great cliffhanger, and I was just hanging on to every word.
ReplyDeletenice use of irony! the detail describing the monster allowed me to visualize it and imagine the fear that the character must have felt
ReplyDeleteThe detail throughout the piece allowed the scary scenery to be formed and the reader to imagine the monster, making it suspenseful and mysterious at the end.
ReplyDeleteGood Job Blake!!! You did make a few mistakes, but I thought you did really well with the vivid portrayal of the monster and how you made the story realistic to the reader.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece, I liked how it was very eerie, ironic, and had great detail, good job!!
ReplyDelete- Allyssa Flores
I really enjoyed this piece because it was eerie, ironic, and very descriptive, great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the suspense of it! It made me feel a little uncomfortable but that is what scary stories are about. Great job
ReplyDeleteReally nice story. Nice job on the imagery especially on describing the monster.
ReplyDeleteNice job with the description of the setting and the monster. It engaged me the whole time. Great job!
ReplyDeletei enjoyed this cute little scary story, great use of description.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great horror story. The ending was just so perfect!
ReplyDeleteDude that was a great story and as was said in the past comments the irony was great. This was a pretty scary tory and it was well written. Good job keep writing.
ReplyDeleteGreat piece! It's wonderful that this flash fiction piece is very creative. The piece is quite descriptive which contribute to the scary and mysterious factors, making it entertaining. Wonderful job, keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete-Jerelle Medina
I like the irony and the creepy creature description, it's all so mysterious.
ReplyDelete-Shaniya Trotter
After reading this in my pitch black room I think I will be sleeping with the lights on or not at all. Great piece. I am legit freaked out. -Luke
ReplyDeleteGreat story! Loved the twist at the ending and how it was the characters old house. There's a few grammatical errors, but otherwise you did a great job at conveying an interesting and descriptive tale.
ReplyDeleteYou seem like an avid watcher of sci-fi.
ReplyDeleteA good thriller is always needed in literature.
This was a interesting piece to read very well detailed story with the plot twist creating a very mysterious creepy feeling you did very well when coming up with this good job!
ReplyDelete-Paige J
The last sentence created a "mysterious" taste in the reader's mouth, for the lack of a better word. It added to the already creepy situation and atmosphere. I like the specifics on your portrayal of the beast, and the cliche "parents thought I was having a bad dream, checked, nothing was there!!." It was actually a bit refreshing for once in your story. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI love the detail, as well as the creepy elements. Nice job with adding irony into the mix. Great Job!
ReplyDeletei love the plottwist it had, made me feel like i was confused at the beginning but than brought me back! nice
ReplyDeleteThe suspense of the story left me craving more. This creepy approach was refreshing. Thank you for your submission
ReplyDeleteI like the way u started the story also the way how u made it kinda creepy
ReplyDeleteDarrell Mcdowell
Your combination of irony and suspense was delicately put, and I really enjoyed the scenery throughout. Keep developing your tone and I can see you're gonna be a great writer!
ReplyDeleteBefore anything else I do love the revelation at the end and I do wish there was more to read, I loved the description that certainly made me scared and alert. Nice Story!
ReplyDelete