Apocalypse
That morning I was woken up by the obnoxious sound of an
alarm clock. It was a Saturday. As I walked down the stairs from my room, I
noticed that all the furniture was in disarray. "Mom?" , I
called "Dad?". No answer. I
yelled for my brother Mason. Again no answer. Where is everyone? I made my way
to the kitchen and found blood everywhere, on the floor, smeared on the walls.
My heart began to beat faster and faster. Suddenly a hard bang came from the
door leading to the garage. "Dad?". Another slam, I flinched. I
slowly walked over to the kitchen drawer that held our cooking knives. I
grabbed the biggest one and tiptoed my way towards the door. A third bang, much
more powerful than the last. I clenched the knife in my hand as I unlocked the
door. I took a deep breath and swiftly pulled the door open. A dead faced being
charged right at me. I screamed as it fell on top of me. I had lost grip of the
knife. With my forearm on its neck, I tried reaching for the blade an inch
away. Once in my hand, I jabbed the blade into the side of its head, stopping
it.
As I picked myself
up, I was struck with panic. The being I had killed is a woman. My eyes start
to tear up knowing that the woman or thing I had killed could've been my
mother. Nervously, I turn the corpse and discover that it is not my mother, but
Ms.Walters from across the street. Her face was rotten. I recognized that she
has a bite mark on her neck. Was this what I thought it was, an apocalypse?
I yanked the knife out of what seemed to be Ms.Walters
and open the door leading to the garage once again. My parents' cars were gone
and the garage door was wide open. Did they leave me? Did they become one of
them? My stomach felt naseuous. My heart racing faster than ever. Panicking, I
run down the driveway to see that the whole neighborhood was gone. My eyes
begin to water then tears streamed down my face. In the corner of my eye, I see
from a distance someone running toward me. "Hellooo!?". No reply. The
figure still running. It groans and I realize its not human, at least not
anymore.
Quickly I run back into the house. I dash for my room for
some fresh clothes. Downstairs, I look out the window. None in sight. I speed
out the door, then stop and turn around looking at the home I'm now leaving .
My eyes fill with tears again, but I wipe them away knowing that I must be
strong. This world is not the world I used to know anymore. Soon after I hear
an uproar of groans. And shortly I spy a giant herd of zombies. I run the other
way and suddenly a black SUV comes my way, speeding at 80 mph. I throw myself
out of its path and stumble onto the curb. I fell on the hard cement landing on
my arm. I must have broken it because it surged with intense pain. I watched as
the black car charged at the herd and ran over a majority of them. The SUV then
U-turns and makes it way towards me. A tired feeling comes over me and my eyes
start to close. A guy gets out of the car, picks me up, and carries me from the
ground. "Hey! You gotta stay with me okay?", he says. His voice
slowly starts to drain away. I black out. The next morning, I woke up to the
sound of an alarm clock.
Good story, kept me on my toes waiting to see what was coming next. I wish the story could have continued.
ReplyDeleteThe unexpected ending used here was a good idea.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very well written piece. I love how you made the story seem to loop back by beginning and ending with an alarm clock. My only complaint about this story is that you made the apocalypse happen on a Saturday. What's the deal with that?
ReplyDeleteThis piece was amazing and well written, I like how it is based on the apocalypse. Though the ending was unexpected. Overall Great job!
ReplyDeleteVery good story! your use of imagery really made this fearful story interesting to read.
ReplyDeleteSomeone a fan of zombie movies? Enjoyed this, my heart was beating faster. "No, don't go back in the house. Never go back in the house." Interesting twist at the end.
ReplyDeleteWow! Your piece is well written! The amount of imagery and detail heightened the intensity of the plot. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI never like stories that end with the main character waking up, you know, "is just a dream, nothing changed."
ReplyDeleteA creepy story with a great plot, nice job!
ReplyDeleteAmazing job on using your imagination and using fear to draw the suspense in this story.
ReplyDeleteGreat imagination! this story was very entertaining and very fast paced. I love it!
ReplyDeleteI think you have a good premise for a zombie movie here because now I want to know what's going to happen next! Very good writing, you made it very interesting and suspenseful.
ReplyDeleteYour story was very descriptive and well written, nicely done!
ReplyDeletedang I was very interested in this because I like zombie movies and so forth and this story I was interested in a was about to get mad that no one knows what happens to the parents but it end so.. yea.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that writing about dystopian/apocalyptic scenarios have become more common with these blog submissions. I appreciate your piece especially because it was very well-developed and put a twist to the plot line. You didn't spoon-feed us your story, and left us to wonder with your ending. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI personally enjoy pieces like these- scary, apocalyptic, end of the world type of books to begin with so reading your piece was a treat. I liked the detail you used because it made the scene very vivid and easy to visualize for me. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteVery Great Story. My mind was racing trying to get to the end wondering what was going to happen to you! only to find out it was a dream-__-. However, Im glad you survived! Great Job. Amazing use of imagery and detail.
ReplyDeleteWow i wish there was more to read! I enjoyed every bit of it, excellent job Nadeen:)
ReplyDeleteI love apocalypse-themed stories! Whenever I read them I automatically construct a strategic plan in order to survive. I really liked yours because it was very suspenseful and climatic. I would love to read more!
ReplyDeleteGreat topic! This piece was very interesting and your use of detail and imagery was great. You are so young, but you are already a great writer. Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteAmazing story! the topic of apocalypse is thrilling and interesting great job!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI like this story because it is very thrilling and adventurous. This story was well described. Excellent choice of wording. I can image this story very clearly. Overall, great job.
ReplyDelete-Jerico M. G. Franco
Nadeen, I love your story! When I read your title I was smiling, because I love reading about the zombie apocalypse. Your level of suspense in the story kept me on edge. Also for a second, I did think that the character had killed her walking dead mother. The ending was unexpected which made me love it more. You did an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was great. I admire your use of zombies and the mysterious element you added by asking rhetorical questions. Also the use of imagery was strong enough to transport the readers to the seen. I also liked the first part. My one piece of advice would be to pay more attention to your verb tenses. If the sentence starts of in past tense make sure your verb tenses are also in past tense. But overall great job! :D
ReplyDeleteYou did an excellent job writing this. The pacing of your story was very well done and made me want to keep reading it. The detail put the audience right next to the main character in all the action. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis was great! the imagery really made it the horror element prominent in this piece. Good job!
ReplyDeleteIt's vivid I can tell you that. You were able to fit the right words with the tone of your work. At first I didn't really want to read when I saw the words "kill" and "knife" but as I as reading, I wanted to reach the end of this story. Good job.
ReplyDeleteGreat piece! I like how you let the audience predict what's going to happen next.
ReplyDeleteQuite an imaginative piece, and it kept me interested throughout, nice job!
ReplyDeletegreat job on imagery it felt like i was there aha hopefully it was all a dream. nice story
ReplyDeletei have this strange paranoia of an upcoming apocalypse, probably because of my obsession with the walking dead. The story was great and fresh. The abandoned protagonist was a great twist
ReplyDeleteOh wow, love this story!! When I first reader the topic, i literally thought of The Walking Dead because of the walkers(zombies). I really enjoyed the story as it made me excited as what will happen in the end! Great Great Job !
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly how my dreams go after watching anime before going to bed. Great ending.
ReplyDeletevery good story nice use of imagery
ReplyDeleteThis was such a great story! I loved your imagery and the suspense. The way you ended it was really cool too. Good job Nadeen.
ReplyDeleteI loved this story! it was so interesting and I was always waiting to see what would happen next! good job!
ReplyDeleteI like the suspense that you created really well with the character.
ReplyDeleteAmazing short story the elaborative diction really allowed me to imagine the scene and feel the characters emotions. The ending was awesome, way to keep us on our toes!
ReplyDeleteVery great story, i want to read more of this... when is part 2 coming up lol LOVED it :)
ReplyDelete-Ian Mendoza
Cool twist at the end and I like the topic! Good job with the descriptions as well!
ReplyDeleteWow, I am impressed. I loved this story from start to finish. It was very suspenseful and captivating with the extensive imagery you portrayed in your story.
ReplyDeleteThat cliff hanger ending. Ooh, is it repeating? Was it a dream? But wow, very interesting take on a plot of apocalyptic scenarios. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGood job on having this story being based on an apocalypse. It was fearful and exciting good job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story, made me want to know what would've happened if the main character hadn't woke up. great work
ReplyDeleteKinda scary. I'm not a big fan of the end of the world lol not sure anyone is to fond of it!! It was an awesome piece though! Definitely kept me engaged!
ReplyDeleteThis was an amazing i loved it i could totally see this as a movie
ReplyDelete- Diamend De Silva
I love this piece! i expected the person to live in the apocolypse but the plot twist really got me! Good job! (:
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this entire piece! Very interesting and well written from beginning to end.
ReplyDeletei like the twist in the end. it was extremely well written u did a great job love
ReplyDeleteGreat piece . Unexpected ending hmmm m !!!
ReplyDeleteNice descriptive language! I love how you detailed the fight or flight reaction and the shocking guilt in the beginning. I also find it to be a relieving,light twist in the end with the alarm clock.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was great and enjoyable to read because of the intense build up I felt throughout the story. I really like how this piece is based on an apocalypse because it's something new that I've never read before. The way its written from your point of view is what made this piece overall stand out so much. Good job!
ReplyDelete- Tino
Talk about plot twist! I wrote something about a zombie apocalypse too except it wasn't a dream! Your piece immediately caught my attention and it's very well written! Outstanding job!!
ReplyDeleteAlready with the title, you capture the reader's attention. I was not expecting it to only be a dream so you caught me by surprise near the end. Very good story!
ReplyDeleteI liked your creativity and how you often used questions to build up suspense!
ReplyDeleteTHE WALKING DEAD!!! Great job. I really enjoyed this piece, especially with your intense appeal to the senses and your description of the speaker's thoughts and emotions.I also liked how it was all just a dream! That was an interesting twist. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYour imagrey was great i felt like i was in the story keep it up.
ReplyDeleteThis is really cool! The story flowed really well and very intriguing awesome job!
ReplyDeleteWhoa. Please turn this into a novel. Like a full on novel.
ReplyDeleteI love it when characters kill someone or are killed. Call it a writing fetish.
But anyway, this was well written. You got me at disarray—it's my favorite word, the secret weapon to catch my attention. Great job!
I liked the diction and word choice that really emphasized her feat it really madethe piece well written and tie together
ReplyDeletethis was a really great story, it was very interesting and only got better the more you read
ReplyDeleteNice job, the ending was so unexpecting. Good job!
ReplyDeleteamazing story!! i wanted to keep reading and i didnt want it to stop
ReplyDeleteYeah you're imagery was great!! I read this piece like I was reading scenes from a movie; it reminds of the walking dead actually. You did a great job!!
ReplyDeleteIn middle school I was terrified of 2012 because I thought it was going to be the apocalypse, this story reminded me of my old fears, great job!
ReplyDeleteInteresting loop there at the end. Overall a very well written story about one of many apocalypses.
ReplyDeleteVery good story, it was very interesting. It made me want to keep reading.
ReplyDelete-Garrett Lachase
The imagery was very good towards the apocalypse. Great story
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I have a love/hate relationship with zombies. I love watching movies and everything but I'm always having nightmares for no reason. I love this story because I can totally relate to the feeling. It was spot on.
ReplyDelete