Pages


Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Nadeen--Apocalypse



Apocalypse
That morning I was woken up by the obnoxious sound of an alarm clock. It was a Saturday. As I walked down the stairs from my room, I noticed that all the furniture was in disarray. "Mom?" , I called  "Dad?". No answer. I yelled for my brother Mason. Again no answer. Where is everyone? I made my way to the kitchen and found blood everywhere, on the floor, smeared on the walls. My heart began to beat faster and faster. Suddenly a hard bang came from the door leading to the garage. "Dad?". Another slam, I flinched. I slowly walked over to the kitchen drawer that held our cooking knives. I grabbed the biggest one and tiptoed my way towards the door. A third bang, much more powerful than the last. I clenched the knife in my hand as I unlocked the door. I took a deep breath and swiftly pulled the door open. A dead faced being charged right at me. I screamed as it fell on top of me. I had lost grip of the knife. With my forearm on its neck, I tried reaching for the blade an inch away. Once in my hand, I jabbed the blade into the side of its head, stopping it.
 As I picked myself up, I was struck with panic. The being I had killed is a woman. My eyes start to tear up knowing that the woman or thing I had killed could've been my mother. Nervously, I turn the corpse and discover that it is not my mother, but Ms.Walters from across the street. Her face was rotten. I recognized that she has a bite mark on her neck. Was this what I thought it was, an apocalypse?
I yanked the knife out of what seemed to be Ms.Walters and open the door leading to the garage once again. My parents' cars were gone and the garage door was wide open. Did they leave me? Did they become one of them? My stomach felt naseuous. My heart racing faster than ever. Panicking, I run down the driveway to see that the whole neighborhood was gone. My eyes begin to water then tears streamed down my face. In the corner of my eye, I see from a distance someone running toward me. "Hellooo!?". No reply. The figure still running. It groans and I realize its not human, at least not anymore.
Quickly I run back into the house. I dash for my room for some fresh clothes. Downstairs, I look out the window. None in sight. I speed out the door, then stop and turn around looking at the home I'm now leaving . My eyes fill with tears again, but I wipe them away knowing that I must be strong. This world is not the world I used to know anymore. Soon after I hear an uproar of groans. And shortly I spy a giant herd of zombies. I run the other way and suddenly a black SUV comes my way, speeding at 80 mph. I throw myself out of its path and stumble onto the curb. I fell on the hard cement landing on my arm. I must have broken it because it surged with intense pain. I watched as the black car charged at the herd and ran over a majority of them. The SUV then U-turns and makes it way towards me. A tired feeling comes over me and my eyes start to close. A guy gets out of the car, picks me up, and carries me from the ground. "Hey! You gotta stay with me okay?", he says. His voice slowly starts to drain away. I black out. The next morning, I woke up to the sound of an alarm clock.

69 comments:

  1. Good story, kept me on my toes waiting to see what was coming next. I wish the story could have continued.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The unexpected ending used here was a good idea.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This was a very well written piece. I love how you made the story seem to loop back by beginning and ending with an alarm clock. My only complaint about this story is that you made the apocalypse happen on a Saturday. What's the deal with that?

    ReplyDelete
  4. This piece was amazing and well written, I like how it is based on the apocalypse. Though the ending was unexpected. Overall Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Very good story! your use of imagery really made this fearful story interesting to read.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Someone a fan of zombie movies? Enjoyed this, my heart was beating faster. "No, don't go back in the house. Never go back in the house." Interesting twist at the end.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow! Your piece is well written! The amount of imagery and detail heightened the intensity of the plot. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I never like stories that end with the main character waking up, you know, "is just a dream, nothing changed."

    ReplyDelete
  9. A creepy story with a great plot, nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Amazing job on using your imagination and using fear to draw the suspense in this story.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great imagination! this story was very entertaining and very fast paced. I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think you have a good premise for a zombie movie here because now I want to know what's going to happen next! Very good writing, you made it very interesting and suspenseful.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your story was very descriptive and well written, nicely done!

    ReplyDelete
  14. dang I was very interested in this because I like zombie movies and so forth and this story I was interested in a was about to get mad that no one knows what happens to the parents but it end so.. yea.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I've noticed that writing about dystopian/apocalyptic scenarios have become more common with these blog submissions. I appreciate your piece especially because it was very well-developed and put a twist to the plot line. You didn't spoon-feed us your story, and left us to wonder with your ending. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I personally enjoy pieces like these- scary, apocalyptic, end of the world type of books to begin with so reading your piece was a treat. I liked the detail you used because it made the scene very vivid and easy to visualize for me. Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Very Great Story. My mind was racing trying to get to the end wondering what was going to happen to you! only to find out it was a dream-__-. However, Im glad you survived! Great Job. Amazing use of imagery and detail.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wow i wish there was more to read! I enjoyed every bit of it, excellent job Nadeen:)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love apocalypse-themed stories! Whenever I read them I automatically construct a strategic plan in order to survive. I really liked yours because it was very suspenseful and climatic. I would love to read more!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Great topic! This piece was very interesting and your use of detail and imagery was great. You are so young, but you are already a great writer. Amazing job!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Amazing story! the topic of apocalypse is thrilling and interesting great job!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I like this story because it is very thrilling and adventurous. This story was well described. Excellent choice of wording. I can image this story very clearly. Overall, great job.

    -Jerico M. G. Franco

    ReplyDelete
  23. Nadeen, I love your story! When I read your title I was smiling, because I love reading about the zombie apocalypse. Your level of suspense in the story kept me on edge. Also for a second, I did think that the character had killed her walking dead mother. The ending was unexpected which made me love it more. You did an amazing job!

    ReplyDelete
  24. This piece was great. I admire your use of zombies and the mysterious element you added by asking rhetorical questions. Also the use of imagery was strong enough to transport the readers to the seen. I also liked the first part. My one piece of advice would be to pay more attention to your verb tenses. If the sentence starts of in past tense make sure your verb tenses are also in past tense. But overall great job! :D

    ReplyDelete
  25. You did an excellent job writing this. The pacing of your story was very well done and made me want to keep reading it. The detail put the audience right next to the main character in all the action. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  26. This was great! the imagery really made it the horror element prominent in this piece. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  27. It's vivid I can tell you that. You were able to fit the right words with the tone of your work. At first I didn't really want to read when I saw the words "kill" and "knife" but as I as reading, I wanted to reach the end of this story. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Great piece! I like how you let the audience predict what's going to happen next.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Quite an imaginative piece, and it kept me interested throughout, nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  30. great job on imagery it felt like i was there aha hopefully it was all a dream. nice story

    ReplyDelete
  31. i have this strange paranoia of an upcoming apocalypse, probably because of my obsession with the walking dead. The story was great and fresh. The abandoned protagonist was a great twist

    ReplyDelete
  32. Oh wow, love this story!! When I first reader the topic, i literally thought of The Walking Dead because of the walkers(zombies). I really enjoyed the story as it made me excited as what will happen in the end! Great Great Job !

    ReplyDelete
  33. This is exactly how my dreams go after watching anime before going to bed. Great ending.

    ReplyDelete
  34. very good story nice use of imagery

    ReplyDelete
  35. This was such a great story! I loved your imagery and the suspense. The way you ended it was really cool too. Good job Nadeen.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I loved this story! it was so interesting and I was always waiting to see what would happen next! good job!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I like the suspense that you created really well with the character.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Amazing short story the elaborative diction really allowed me to imagine the scene and feel the characters emotions. The ending was awesome, way to keep us on our toes!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Very great story, i want to read more of this... when is part 2 coming up lol LOVED it :)
    -Ian Mendoza

    ReplyDelete
  40. Cool twist at the end and I like the topic! Good job with the descriptions as well!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Wow, I am impressed. I loved this story from start to finish. It was very suspenseful and captivating with the extensive imagery you portrayed in your story.

    ReplyDelete
  42. That cliff hanger ending. Ooh, is it repeating? Was it a dream? But wow, very interesting take on a plot of apocalyptic scenarios. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Good job on having this story being based on an apocalypse. It was fearful and exciting good job!

    ReplyDelete
  44. I really liked this story, made me want to know what would've happened if the main character hadn't woke up. great work

    ReplyDelete
  45. Kinda scary. I'm not a big fan of the end of the world lol not sure anyone is to fond of it!! It was an awesome piece though! Definitely kept me engaged!

    ReplyDelete
  46. This was an amazing i loved it i could totally see this as a movie
    - Diamend De Silva

    ReplyDelete
  47. I love this piece! i expected the person to live in the apocolypse but the plot twist really got me! Good job! (:

    ReplyDelete
  48. I enjoyed this entire piece! Very interesting and well written from beginning to end.

    ReplyDelete
  49. i like the twist in the end. it was extremely well written u did a great job love

    ReplyDelete
  50. Great piece . Unexpected ending hmmm m !!!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Nice descriptive language! I love how you detailed the fight or flight reaction and the shocking guilt in the beginning. I also find it to be a relieving,light twist in the end with the alarm clock.

    ReplyDelete
  52. This piece was great and enjoyable to read because of the intense build up I felt throughout the story. I really like how this piece is based on an apocalypse because it's something new that I've never read before. The way its written from your point of view is what made this piece overall stand out so much. Good job!
    - Tino

    ReplyDelete
  53. Talk about plot twist! I wrote something about a zombie apocalypse too except it wasn't a dream! Your piece immediately caught my attention and it's very well written! Outstanding job!!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Already with the title, you capture the reader's attention. I was not expecting it to only be a dream so you caught me by surprise near the end. Very good story!

    ReplyDelete
  55. I liked your creativity and how you often used questions to build up suspense!

    ReplyDelete
  56. THE WALKING DEAD!!! Great job. I really enjoyed this piece, especially with your intense appeal to the senses and your description of the speaker's thoughts and emotions.I also liked how it was all just a dream! That was an interesting twist. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  57. Your imagrey was great i felt like i was in the story keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  58. This is really cool! The story flowed really well and very intriguing awesome job!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Whoa. Please turn this into a novel. Like a full on novel.
    I love it when characters kill someone or are killed. Call it a writing fetish.
    But anyway, this was well written. You got me at disarray—it's my favorite word, the secret weapon to catch my attention. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  60. I liked the diction and word choice that really emphasized her feat it really madethe piece well written and tie together

    ReplyDelete
  61. this was a really great story, it was very interesting and only got better the more you read

    ReplyDelete
  62. Nice job, the ending was so unexpecting. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  63. amazing story!! i wanted to keep reading and i didnt want it to stop

    ReplyDelete
  64. Yeah you're imagery was great!! I read this piece like I was reading scenes from a movie; it reminds of the walking dead actually. You did a great job!!

    ReplyDelete
  65. In middle school I was terrified of 2012 because I thought it was going to be the apocalypse, this story reminded me of my old fears, great job!

    ReplyDelete
  66. Interesting loop there at the end. Overall a very well written story about one of many apocalypses.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Very good story, it was very interesting. It made me want to keep reading.

    -Garrett Lachase

    ReplyDelete
  68. The imagery was very good towards the apocalypse. Great story

    ReplyDelete
  69. Oh my gosh, I have a love/hate relationship with zombies. I love watching movies and everything but I'm always having nightmares for no reason. I love this story because I can totally relate to the feeling. It was spot on.

    ReplyDelete