Kathryn--Julie

Julie

Wednesday: August 20, 2014

                It was weird, I woke up with this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Today is going to take a turn for the worse”, I thought to myself. School was bleh, as usual, but once I got home it was like I had the worst day possible. You know that saying “going zero to sixty”? Well I went zero to six hundred in a matter of seconds. Breaking down crying, hypervenalating, gasping for air because I was crying so hard. And in my mind, there was only one solution. To end it. I wrote two notes, one to my family and one to my best friend. Weirdly enough, I only felt a sense of guilt when writing to my best friend. If that doesn’t say something I don’t know what does. After I took all those pills I just sat in silence. Waiting... thinking to myself, “I wish this wouldn’t take so l…

4 hours later

                I woke up in a hospital bed- tubes down my nose, heart monitors all over the front of my chest, an IV in my hand and this excruciating pain on the right side of my neck. They had inserted a catheter in my neck without my knowledge, for dialysis. “Bastards.” All I could fathom out of my mouth though was screams, “Help!” “Where am I?!” “What’s going on?” Three nurses and a doctor came rushing in, worried that something had gone terribly wrong (when in fact there had, I was still alive). They explained everything to me, where I was, why I was there, who found me, you get the gist. But I only felt angry.. “Why did you stop it?” Everything came back to me. I remembered everything about what happened earlier today. And I realized… My brother just found me, passed out on the floor. I didn’t mean for him to find me, I thought to myself as tears ran down my face.

I saw my mom standing in the corner. The look of horror in her face and the sense of heartache in her eyes. Putting pity on me. I couldn’t stand it. I still just wanted it all to end.

Friday: August 29, 2014

                Finally released me from the behavioral center.  I told that I had taken over 100 aspirin, “It was a miracle I was still alive”, but I didn’t want that miracle. My parents worried I would try it again I couldn’t. I had another life I had to take care of now. But only Dr. Randall and I knew about this.

                -A month ago, I was sexually assaulted so you can put two and two together of what’s going on.

Tuesday: September 2, 2014

                 4 days after being released I was in another hospital. Women all around, the room filled with broken hearts and tears. All there for the name thing. They put me to sleep before they did anything, and asked if I was allergic to any general anesthetics. I said no.

                Hours went by and I hadn’t awoken. Something went wrong. But I was relieved. I got what I had wished for, no more pain, no more suffering, none of it.

                                -I guess I was allergic to it, deathly.

                                                                Two lives were taken that morning.